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Advice in dealing with unwanted thoughts
Hi to everyone,
I am new to this forum and hoping there is maybe some advice I can find on here. My young adult son is dealing with unwanted/intrusive thoughts. He does not go into much detail with me, but does say that the subject matter of these thoughts deal with a religious, sexual, and racist subject. They are very disturbing to him as he tells me that even though these thoughts are in his head, it is not what is in his heart. The most disturbing part of this is when he sees people (does not have to be someone specific) these thoughts and words want to "attach" themselves to the people he sees, so he ends up having these disgusting thoughts when he sees people. He is and has been seeing a psychiatrist for six months. He was on lexapro for 10 weeks which did nothing to help him, then Zoloft for 2 weeks (only gave him suicidal thoughts) and now he is on anafranil (close to 5 weeks). The anafranil does seem to be helping, as he will have moments of "clarity" throughout the day (meaning no unwanted thoughts) but they only last about 2-3 minutes. He has been to two different therapist who gave him tools to use, but they no longer work. I am trying to maybe find some advice on how to help him deal better when he sees people, as this is so upsetting for him and I both. After seeing two different therapists and trying their techniques, which do not work anymore, he has stopped going. Does anyone else suffer from this form of OCD and if so, any advice you can pass on would be appreciated.
I am new to this forum and hoping there is maybe some advice I can find on here. My young adult son is dealing with unwanted/intrusive thoughts. He does not go into much detail with me, but does say that the subject matter of these thoughts deal with a religious, sexual, and racist subject. They are very disturbing to him as he tells me that even though these thoughts are in his head, it is not what is in his heart. The most disturbing part of this is when he sees people (does not have to be someone specific) these thoughts and words want to "attach" themselves to the people he sees, so he ends up having these disgusting thoughts when he sees people. He is and has been seeing a psychiatrist for six months. He was on lexapro for 10 weeks which did nothing to help him, then Zoloft for 2 weeks (only gave him suicidal thoughts) and now he is on anafranil (close to 5 weeks). The anafranil does seem to be helping, as he will have moments of "clarity" throughout the day (meaning no unwanted thoughts) but they only last about 2-3 minutes. He has been to two different therapist who gave him tools to use, but they no longer work. I am trying to maybe find some advice on how to help him deal better when he sees people, as this is so upsetting for him and I both. After seeing two different therapists and trying their techniques, which do not work anymore, he has stopped going. Does anyone else suffer from this form of OCD and if so, any advice you can pass on would be appreciated.
Ahhh....we sure do know how to go to the nth degree. His mind is using the most vulgar word because to your son it is horrific. We only key in on the horrific. What he has to understand is that if we say white our mind is going to say black. When the "n" word comes to his mind he has to say WHATEVER because deep down he knows it isn't him. Also he will never blurt it out. Unless you have Tourette's syndrome you are not going to start blurting things out. So walk down the street, when the N work pops into his mind, ignore it. Start singing a song in your mind...that works as well. Anything to busy your mind.
The stress of school is not helping him. Mine showed up with a vengeance in college.
If you have an E-reader, download the book Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani. I loved that book and read it during one of my own crisis situations. Self-Coaching is so key to managing OCD.
Also, 0.5 mg of klonopin is kinda low especially for someone who is struggling this much. Maybe ask about bringing it up to 1 mg. It will make him a bit sleepy but perhaps will help him break this cycle. The holidays are coming up so if he can just get through his finals and then really work on this with perhaps an increased dosage of klonopin, it may help him turn the corner. Also, if he is really struggling you may be able to get the pdoc to write a letter than you can take to his counselor so that he can get a few accommodations for his finals. Small room, more time, ability to read out loud the test because if you are reading out loud you are hearing yourself and not your stupid mind.
The stress of school is not helping him. Mine showed up with a vengeance in college.
If you have an E-reader, download the book Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani. I loved that book and read it during one of my own crisis situations. Self-Coaching is so key to managing OCD.
Also, 0.5 mg of klonopin is kinda low especially for someone who is struggling this much. Maybe ask about bringing it up to 1 mg. It will make him a bit sleepy but perhaps will help him break this cycle. The holidays are coming up so if he can just get through his finals and then really work on this with perhaps an increased dosage of klonopin, it may help him turn the corner. Also, if he is really struggling you may be able to get the pdoc to write a letter than you can take to his counselor so that he can get a few accommodations for his finals. Small room, more time, ability to read out loud the test because if you are reading out loud you are hearing yourself and not your stupid mind.
Thank you for responding JGF25. My son is 23 years old. Right now he is on 150mg anafranil, 0.5mg klonopin 2xday, and 50mg Zoloft 1xday. Anafranil for the OCD thoughts, klonopin for anxiety, and cannot figure out why the doctor still wants him on Zoloft as it seems to do nothing (this will be taking care of at next weeks appt.). Your suggestions were all good and makes a lot of sense to me, but to my son it is a different story. One example he did share with me deals with a racist issue. I do not want to offend anyone on this site, so I am taking a chance in writing this. Whenever he sees an African American, the "n" word just takes over his thought process. Please keep in mind, this is not how I raised him and we both treat and respect everyone equally, and he also told me that this disturbs him the most because he feels he is hurting their feelings when he thinks this and he is putting their feelings first before his, if this makes sense. He has tried to replace this vulgar word with another nice word, but to no avail, and has also tried to focus on something else, again to no avail. It just blows my mind that this past spring my son had a 3.9 GPA in college and clear thinking and thoughts, and now we are trying so hard to deal with this horrendous disorder. He just feels so adamant that after two different therapist, a third one will not make much difference. Thanks for listening and sorry if this post was a bit long.
Hi there. I'm so sorry your son is going through this. If you don't mind me asking, how old is he?
As an OCD sufferer and as a parent, I can tell you that you are doing all the right things by your son. What dosage of anafranil is he taking?
Those techniques that were taught to your son, were they controlled breathing, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, self-coaching?
This is the thing about OCD. It is like our own mind is attacking us. It is a trick our own minds play on us. So you have to change the way you think and medication can help in this regard as does cognitive behavioral therapy.
What it comes down to is a fear response. He thinks the thought, becomes afraid because he knows this isn't him and maybe even perhaps he is afraid he is going to blurt something out, and then the heart pounding starts, the sweating, etc and it is hard getting off the roller coaster once it gets going. The key is to not let it go. You think the thought, you immediately counter it with self-coaching and breathing and then you busy yourself with something else.
People that have been struggling with thoughts for a long time forget what it is really like to feel good and think that they will never feel good again. The cycle needs to be broken. And maybe for now that is an increase in the dosage of Anafranil. You know it isn't making him suicidal and it is working a little bit. Also you can approach your doctor about a benzodiazepine such a klonopin which would give him some immediate relief. It is a tranquilizer and these can be very helpful in the beginning while the medication is being sorted out. But not knowing your son's age I'm not sure if this is an option for him.
As for the techniques that he learned but do not work anymore...they are not working because he is in too deep. He has to keep at it. I used to think my God I'm going to have to do this controlled breathing for the rest of my life but that isn't the case.
I am 50 years old. I have had OCD since I was a teenager and I have gone on to get a college degree, get married, have kids, have a career, etc. so there is life with OCD.
So please tell him not to stop fighting in the sense of using the techniques. I love self-coaching because you use words like "ENOUGH" "NO" "MOVE ON". So for instance I would think the thought and I would immediately counter it with "ENOUGH. I"M NOT GOING THERE ANYMORE SO MOVE ON." Almost like yelling at yourself in your head. When you stop giving into the thoughts and the fear, or better yet take the fear out of the thought, then it cannot control you anymore.
As a for instance I used to panic when I drove. I got so sick and tired of it that one day I said "WHATEVER, BRING IT ON." Because I knew I would only be uncomfortable for a short time and then it would go away and when I started to not care whether I panicked or not, I stopped panicking all together.
I hope this has been a little bit helpful to you. I could suggest some books and one I liked a lot was Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani. But the bottom line is to not stop doing what you are doing. He needs the therapy. He needs to learn CBT from a psychologist. This is a tool that every OCD person needs to learn to use and use it well. There is no throwing in the towel on OCD. OCD is for life and you have to learn to live with it by managing it. It is not an overnight process. As you can see, it is not even a 6 month process but it does get better.
As an OCD sufferer and as a parent, I can tell you that you are doing all the right things by your son. What dosage of anafranil is he taking?
Those techniques that were taught to your son, were they controlled breathing, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, self-coaching?
This is the thing about OCD. It is like our own mind is attacking us. It is a trick our own minds play on us. So you have to change the way you think and medication can help in this regard as does cognitive behavioral therapy.
What it comes down to is a fear response. He thinks the thought, becomes afraid because he knows this isn't him and maybe even perhaps he is afraid he is going to blurt something out, and then the heart pounding starts, the sweating, etc and it is hard getting off the roller coaster once it gets going. The key is to not let it go. You think the thought, you immediately counter it with self-coaching and breathing and then you busy yourself with something else.
People that have been struggling with thoughts for a long time forget what it is really like to feel good and think that they will never feel good again. The cycle needs to be broken. And maybe for now that is an increase in the dosage of Anafranil. You know it isn't making him suicidal and it is working a little bit. Also you can approach your doctor about a benzodiazepine such a klonopin which would give him some immediate relief. It is a tranquilizer and these can be very helpful in the beginning while the medication is being sorted out. But not knowing your son's age I'm not sure if this is an option for him.
As for the techniques that he learned but do not work anymore...they are not working because he is in too deep. He has to keep at it. I used to think my God I'm going to have to do this controlled breathing for the rest of my life but that isn't the case.
I am 50 years old. I have had OCD since I was a teenager and I have gone on to get a college degree, get married, have kids, have a career, etc. so there is life with OCD.
So please tell him not to stop fighting in the sense of using the techniques. I love self-coaching because you use words like "ENOUGH" "NO" "MOVE ON". So for instance I would think the thought and I would immediately counter it with "ENOUGH. I"M NOT GOING THERE ANYMORE SO MOVE ON." Almost like yelling at yourself in your head. When you stop giving into the thoughts and the fear, or better yet take the fear out of the thought, then it cannot control you anymore.
As a for instance I used to panic when I drove. I got so sick and tired of it that one day I said "WHATEVER, BRING IT ON." Because I knew I would only be uncomfortable for a short time and then it would go away and when I started to not care whether I panicked or not, I stopped panicking all together.
I hope this has been a little bit helpful to you. I could suggest some books and one I liked a lot was Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani. But the bottom line is to not stop doing what you are doing. He needs the therapy. He needs to learn CBT from a psychologist. This is a tool that every OCD person needs to learn to use and use it well. There is no throwing in the towel on OCD. OCD is for life and you have to learn to live with it by managing it. It is not an overnight process. As you can see, it is not even a 6 month process but it does get better.
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