The reason you had the thought in the first place was because you had the feeling first. A feeling of being emotionally isolated from others and reality.
When you had the thought, your intellect tried to deal with it and the horrific threat it represents. But, because it is empirically unanswerable, the intellect can initiate fear to the point of complete horror. And you are left there waiting for "proof" that will make you believe reality is "real".
But emotionally, belief creates experience. Experience does not create belief, it merely reinforces what you choose to believe.
You can see this proven in your own experience - the before and after. When you believed it real, your experience could not have been more real. The more you doubted it, the more "unreal" it became for you.
Don't waste time trying to appease your intellect and your fear...it is not possible to conjure an intellectual answer to match the magnitude of our second most primal emotion: fear.
Simply sense with your deepest intuition and emotion, and allow it to aid you in deciding to believe reality is "real".
Suddenly it will all feel real again, to the point where you will find it hard to imagine how you could ever doubt or believe otherwise.
Hi, I also had obsessional doubts about "what if external reality is an illusion created by others" and other stuff (severe anxiety, depression, panic attacks and so on). I have good response with max-ssri dose of paroxetine (60mg) and low dose quetiapine (150mg). It seems that this is schizo-obsessive disorder (which my pdoc called 'pseudo-obsessive schizophrenia'). There is a debate if this is a subtype of OCD (with poor insight) or if is a subtype of Schizophrenia. Anyway, I think your pdoc is right in giving you antipsychotics as first line, and if incomplete response, try another AA or add SSRI. I have pure-o too. It depends on your response and your profile.
I think they are helping a little bit. I still get pretty panicky, but its not constant(though the thoughts are still). I hope you're right and this will end one day, it worries me its been so long.
Okay, then something is working for you. Keep up the therapy and the ERP and I'm sure you will get over this. Do you think the meds are starting to work for you?
Chiming in to say im doing slightly better. Anxiety is much better, the doubt is still really strong, and I seem to be obsessing about what recovery is. I thought it would be realizing the thoughts were nonsense and forgetting about them in a sense, but im doubting that's the case, especially for one where the doubt seems to have such a strong hold!
everybody's OCD is different. I kind of go all over the place....thought after thought after thought. I would say the one I had the longest was that I thought I would pee my pants in college so I spent a very long time finding bathrooms until I finally said enough and stopped going back in.
Went back to the pdoc and he upped the Abilify a little. Still doing erp, still 'believing' the thoughts. Have you had a thought that was around constantly for a really long time? This has been almost 10 months I think :/
Now you are talking! Good job!
The backdoor spike got to me but im determined to just let the thought be there and try to stand the fear, this will be tough, but maybe by not caring if I believe it or not it will help.
Hopefully the thought will become very rare. Its still always there, but I guess it takes time for the doubt to go after the actual fear does? Im hoping one day ill just realize life has went back to normal, and wonder why I ever thought this could be true.
We will always think stupid thoughts but the key is to let them go. Even "normal" people think thoughts like this but they just don't dwell on them. The medication evens out our brain chemistry and so when we think the thought we are able to let it go rather than obsess over it. I promise you, it will get better and better for you. I'm glad that you are seeing an improvement.
I can tell this med is helping me a lot. I can actually enjoy doing things instead of sitting and crying for hours. The fear feeling has decreased a lot, but the thoughts still sit there constantly causing their doubt. Which feels weird as it feels like I don't know if I believe them or not. Is that what they call a 'backdoor spike'?
Give it some time to build up in your system and really start working. It is progress if you feel even a little better. That means you can continue to get better and you will.
It seems to be helping just a little, in that I have moments where the thought doesn't seem as true. But I don't know how to stop being afraid. My mom is home with me today, but when im with her im afraid, thinking these thoughts and remembering how happy I used to be.
Good...let's see how that abilify works and hopefully you have some follow-up appoitnments.
I saw the psychiatrist, who was very nice. He said its either ocd or the tip of psychosis. He prescribed Abilify, hopefully it will help.
It is scary but honestly I think or will get the help you need. Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. "I will get better" not "what will I do if" let us know how it goes. Take care.
Well, my appointment has been moved up to next week. Im pretty nervous, especially about what ill do if they cant help me.
People that have had this same obsession. One said even when im better there is no realization it was just an anxious thought, and the other just said you have to deal with it, like he has for the last 5 years. I know I shouldn't keep coming here lamenting, but I just feel so alone in having to deal with this at the moment. Waiting two months to see a pdoc, and the two therapist relatively close to me never emailed me back.
Who is telling you that you can't be you again? Any why are you listening to them? I told you that when you are so deep into this, you do feel like you will be like that forever but what you need is a step forward and then another. You see, even if I have another crisis situation with my OCD I can always fall back on the fact that I got better each and every time and while I might feel uncomfortable for a while, I know I will be back to myself in a while. If you don't have that to fall back on in your own life, then use mine and countless others who come out of the crisis and are "normal" again.
I don't understand, why do people keep telling me I wont be like I was before? That's awful hard to accept, as the way I was before was 'me'. I feel like im being told I cant be me again.
Its just so hard, its been 8 months feeling like my family isn't with me anymore. I want them back.
Brushh, I don't feel to that extreem but I too have feequent thoughts of "what if" and the thought of feeling alone in a crowd of people I love! One specific thing you said struck my interest! When you mentioned your boyfriend -- I have a boyfriend as well and sometimes go through these phases of doubt more-or-less! Then when these thoughts happen I begin to panick: why am i having these thoughts? He doesnt deserve this! He deserve someone better, who's positive all the time! I love him though! Or am I just saying that? Do i mean what I say? -- then i'll start overanalyzing everything when we're together! It usually goes away after a day or two but likw it's so annoying!! -- So I was wondering if this happens to you!?
I'm sorry that I am just seeing this. I know how you feel. I know that you think "my God I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life." I used to think that about controlled breathing..."My God, I'm going to have to breathe this way for the rest of my life." But the reality is you do get better. I think that if you are at the place where you are this depressed, then you really need to discuss with your pdoc about medication to go along with the ERP. If you need more than 17 sessions of therapy, you can still go. They aren't going to tell you "Okay, your time is up, good luck." That is not what therapy is about. And besides we are paying them for therapy so they really can't put a limit on it. Trust me please when I tell you that there is a way out of this thinking. I know because I am living proof of it. I know the despair, the desperation, the wanting to just go to sleep and never wake up but that is not the answer because this is treatable and you can and will go on to live a normal life.