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Fear of blood hiv-8 months pregnant
I am currently 8 months pregnant and I have 2 children. I am going crazy. Everyday seems like a battle. I know there will be something to trigger my anxiety over hiv/blood. I use to be fine. Then my 2 year old bit this other kid that I don't know and broke the skin. I started thinking about hiv and researching it on the internet. Then I started noticing people with cuts, band aids on the ground. And, I freak out. What if I stepped on that band aid? Am I dragging dangerous germs into my house? What about my kids? I just can't stop. We moved into a new house and I can't bring myself to unpack for fear of contamination. Will this get better after pregnancy? I am going to get on some medicine. I also judge people. I used to be so friendly. I am so fearful now. I look at people and analyze their probabilities of having hiv. Today, I went into a hardware store and saw what looked like a bandaid. I freaked that I might have stepped on it, but then it would have stuck to my shoe. I kept walking by to try and see if it was definately a band aid. The sales clerk was looking at me like i was crazy. I never used to have issues going places. Now everywhere seems dirty. When will things get better???? My husband thinks I am nuts which I feel I am. I don't want to live in fear. I am don't trust anyone. I want to be the person I was less than a year ago. I loved going places and chatting with people. Now I am constantly looking for possible "hazards".
I swear I'm glad I saw this post Because I am also afraid that I will catch hiv and expose my kids. I analyze every freaking thing in public making sure it's not blood. I'm so scared and I'm tired of living this way because I can't enjoy my life.
suzyq2020,
I know exactly what you are going through, and from my experience, therapy doesn't help. I have tried therapy and I have tried medication, neither of which have ever helped me in the least.
I will say that I have improved greatly in my 19 year battle with OCD fear of HIV. I am now able to go shopping and even bring my kids along. When I go into public, I used to look for band aids, cuts on my cashiers hands, even meat blood scared the daylights out of me for fear it is human. My fears are of contracting HIV and then infecting my children somehow, same as you!
I used to analyze anything that looked like a band aid also, and walk back and forth trying to figure it out. I often still scrutinize door handles, cart hands and straps, etc. What I have found to help is rationalizing and minimizing my fears in certain situations so that not EVERY single place I go is a panic causing episode.
For example, I am no longer looking for band aids. If I see one now, I am like "So What, anything in that band aid would be dead if not right now, by the time I get home." Realize that HIV doesn't survive long outside of a host, in some instances only minutes. So, a band aid, even if you were to step on it and track it into your home would most certainly be dead. I once shopped with my son and he was only about a year old and noticed after all of my groceries were on the belt that there was a band aid from someone else in the cart! I panicked for a moment and then rationalized that I had been shopping for about 15 minutes and even if the person 1 minute before I came in left the band aid, hiv would be dead in that time frame on something like a band aid.
I still look at people and try to judge if they "look" like they could have HIV. I feel like a terrible person and try not to do this, but I still do it. Like, if someone looks like a druggie, I try to stay away. I had to work with I guy who had been to prison, and that scared the hell out of me. But, I survived, no HIV.
After I had my second child, I returned home from the hospital with this rediculous fear that my doctor delivered without changing his gloves from the previous patient, It was hell and I wasted months fearing I had contracted HIV. I didn't!
Now, I had a surgery 3 weeks ago and have been freaking out that my nurse must have used contaminated IV equipment because of news articles I have read about other hospitals in the past. I am afraid, but I try to tell myself "Everything was clean. Nothing looked dirty or used. Even if it was an IV bag previously used, the chance of blood backflow into the back is essentially 0%." It hasn't completely worked, but I am trying. It is like we have tunnel vision and think the absolute worst.
I hope I have helped some. Just take a deep breathe and try to rationalize. Band aids don't even worry about! Your house isn't contaminated from previous owners either, anything would be dead by now. Please right back if you need any help!
I know exactly what you are going through, and from my experience, therapy doesn't help. I have tried therapy and I have tried medication, neither of which have ever helped me in the least.
I will say that I have improved greatly in my 19 year battle with OCD fear of HIV. I am now able to go shopping and even bring my kids along. When I go into public, I used to look for band aids, cuts on my cashiers hands, even meat blood scared the daylights out of me for fear it is human. My fears are of contracting HIV and then infecting my children somehow, same as you!
I used to analyze anything that looked like a band aid also, and walk back and forth trying to figure it out. I often still scrutinize door handles, cart hands and straps, etc. What I have found to help is rationalizing and minimizing my fears in certain situations so that not EVERY single place I go is a panic causing episode.
For example, I am no longer looking for band aids. If I see one now, I am like "So What, anything in that band aid would be dead if not right now, by the time I get home." Realize that HIV doesn't survive long outside of a host, in some instances only minutes. So, a band aid, even if you were to step on it and track it into your home would most certainly be dead. I once shopped with my son and he was only about a year old and noticed after all of my groceries were on the belt that there was a band aid from someone else in the cart! I panicked for a moment and then rationalized that I had been shopping for about 15 minutes and even if the person 1 minute before I came in left the band aid, hiv would be dead in that time frame on something like a band aid.
I still look at people and try to judge if they "look" like they could have HIV. I feel like a terrible person and try not to do this, but I still do it. Like, if someone looks like a druggie, I try to stay away. I had to work with I guy who had been to prison, and that scared the hell out of me. But, I survived, no HIV.
After I had my second child, I returned home from the hospital with this rediculous fear that my doctor delivered without changing his gloves from the previous patient, It was hell and I wasted months fearing I had contracted HIV. I didn't!
Now, I had a surgery 3 weeks ago and have been freaking out that my nurse must have used contaminated IV equipment because of news articles I have read about other hospitals in the past. I am afraid, but I try to tell myself "Everything was clean. Nothing looked dirty or used. Even if it was an IV bag previously used, the chance of blood backflow into the back is essentially 0%." It hasn't completely worked, but I am trying. It is like we have tunnel vision and think the absolute worst.
I hope I have helped some. Just take a deep breathe and try to rationalize. Band aids don't even worry about! Your house isn't contaminated from previous owners either, anything would be dead by now. Please right back if you need any help!
I strongly suggest you see a therapist about these feelings. Coming from someone who knows EXACTLY what you are going through, I can tell you that these feelings and thoughts will only get worse, not better if you don't get help.
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