Fear of having done something bad in past

[confusednil]

Hi! I am new member here. I am suffering OCD for a very long time. I have a fear that in past (12 years ago) I went to some red light area and done something bad that caused a sex worker to die. I used to check my memory again again to prove that I haven't done it and she is safe. But I can't prove it due to my memory getting fogged and hazy and doubt coming in.
For last 3-4 months I am practicing acceptance and trying to accept that I can't prove it. There is a possibility that I may have done it and I can't prove that I haven't. I must not check my memory. I am taking the risk that God may punish me with something if I did and I have to accept that.
Am I on the right track?

[confusednil]

Already under treatment by a psych doctor and told him everything. But he is only treating with medicine. Unfortunately behavior therapy is not available in my place. But applied behavior therapy tips from some online forums which is working.

[RainLover71]

You need to work with a psyc doctor because it appears you need to recover from this episode of 12 years ago.You need to open up & tell the doctor everything and comply with the treatment offered.

[JGF25]

I'm not a therapist and since you are seeing someone I would think that they would be able to help you best with getting rid of this thought.  

[confusednil]

I am having this recurring thought for last 12 years. I am officially diagnosed with Pure-O before and under treatment for that. I was able to overcome my previous obsessive thoughts but this one is very hard. Not being able to recover in 12 years. Have other OCD related problems too but these are manageable.

[JGF25]

Am I reading this correctly in that you are now worrying about your visit 12 years ago with a sex worker and whether you may have harmed her or is this a recurring thought that you have had over 12 years?  Do you have other OCD related problems...irrational thinking, compulsions?