Exactly ! I'm trying my best to move on. Keep yourself busy I guess that will help
Time will help...touch wood if we both don't have symptoms for some time our minds will naturally let us move on.
We've both been told we were no risk. People wouldn't say that if there was even a slight risk, and vaginal fluids from the condom touched my penis in my case. And told I can have unprotected sex with my partner.
People and doctors wouldnt risk other prople like that if we had even a slight risk.
yea man , :( i sort of know i wasnt at risk but im not ready to accept it i dont know why :(
I feel exactly the same way you do.
My risk I guess was slightly higher than yours as I am sure I touched the condom with her vaginal fluids and then masturbated meaning they touched my penis.
I have been told this is no risk.
You're not the only one buddy. It's an awful feeling. Wishing the best for us both.
You are right I know I can't concentrate in my studies it's just that I always say to myself that you shouldnt have done it and all and I feel like crying you know. I tested negative from a rapid test after a month of exposure from my first encounter and now I will be testing this month . Even though I know I was protected and did vaginal sex maximum for 3 to 4 mins or maybe less which I believe reduces the risk of condom breakage and I wasn't really rough I looked at the condom it wasn't torn but I guess this is my guilt or something . I really feel sorry and I pray everyday which helps me but I just can't get these thoughts out of my head.
I'm not accusing you, honestly. I feel for everybody having HIV anxiety because I have had it myself. Based on what you have said, I don't believe there is any risk either. But now adding me to the list of people telling you no risk is going to do what for you? YOU have to believe it yourself. Everytime you have a negative thought about this, replace it with a positive one. Statistically you are at a zero percent. Sometimes it helps to journal your thoughts as well.
As I said, if you are afraid to test, then you may be dealing with this for a long time. You don't have to test because really it is going to come back negative. But if you cannot live your life and this is affecting your day-to-day living, then you need to make an appointment with a therapist so that they can help you get over this.
When I had HIV anxiety it was because I worked with it in a lab. I believed people to be unsafe where I worked. I quit. But I developed HIV anxiety. I got tested...negative. Then I started thinking that I could get it from just touching things....I went and sat in an AIDS clinic on my lunch break for weeks just to get it into my head that you cannot get it from touching a magazine, or sitting in a chair or even being in a room where an AIDS patient sneezed in my vacinity. It can be overcome, but sometimes you just need to seek outside help to get past the anxiety part of it.
Give that some thought and see what you think is going to work best for you. Don't you think this has taken up enough of your life? My best....
I know i have done wrong and i wont do it again but please tell me that im worried for nothing and im perfectly fine , please tell me that again and i just need it ! :(
You are having HIV anxiety. You need to listen to the people that said your risk was zero.
This is what you need to do because honestly it is not going to go away until you get some sort of closure. You test. You test at 3 months because a negative test at this point is negative without any doubts. Then you can put this awful experience behind you. If you can't then you need to seek out a therapist who can help you with the resulting anxiety.
Lastly, and a lot more people do this than you might think, don't use a CSW, an escort, or whatever ever again because I have talked to too many people that have gone right back and done the same thing over again only to find themselves back on the HIV forum, OCD forum etc. Just don't do it. It is better to take care of your own needs than to visit escorts, CSWs, or whatever you want to call a person that is a complete stranger to you.