I'm done myself.

[1missy1]

Every day is a constant struggle with wondering if I am gonna catch hiv in so many irrational ways. Recently my hiv fears and phobias along with my obsessive compulsive disorder has been over the top stressful depressing and awful. I have got so many hiv tests and I'm not even at risk except for the ocd    thoughts that someone could ha email raped me without me knowing while I was at a wedding and had a bit too much to drink to the point where I was fine to walk and stuff but just don't remember random conversations with people but I'm so scared that what if I went to the bathroom and was raped and just don't know it. My other obsession is getting blood work the other day to take yet another hiv test and I'm obsessed that because the person drawing my blood knows I'm deathly afraid of hiv that maybe she gave it to me on purpose perhaps through a dirty needle etc. I'm now about a couple weeks later starting thus morning have a small patch of red bumps resembles a rash on my right lower back in which I am stressed out thinking this is an hiv rash. Great so now I have to wait 3 months yet again to test? Gotta go back to the doctor and annoy her once again with my concerns. I'm so stressed out I don't want to hear have I seemed help for my condition yes I have. The thing is u want to know if my thoughts sound ridiculous and of course I don't have hiv.  What is this rash then? I'm so depressed anyone out there to tell me truthfully if this sounds like I should be concerned?

[123tushar07]

make a schedule and a plan how to get over this fear of hiv, every day u have to expose urself to this fear, as u said it doesnt works with hiv, but all ocd fears are same, i think its not  going away because ur checking and again for hiv, if u keep on doing compulsive behaviour, no medication or therapy can help u,u can use the advices given by jgf25, basically fight with it  everyday , dont lose hope, and finally dont rely only on doctors, do therapy on ur own, on ocd u have to become ur own therapist, because ocd is for life, so that u have to control ur symptoms when they come again,

i have various morbid,sexual, sensorimeter obsessions but after taking medicines for last 4 months and soing self help therapy for 2.5 months, my symptoms are almost gone, so dont lose hope, just make ur self strong and fight with it.

[JGF25]

I sat in an AIDS clinic for several weeks on my lunch hour to get over my own HIV anxiety.  I agree with the "whatever" attitude which is what you are using when you are "just going to think you have it" but what you cannot do is test any longer.  If you don't step testing, then this will never end but I think you already know that.  

[1missy1]

Yes I've done it all. Meds therapy cbt and several times with several different people. I know what I need to do. I know I need to sit on the anxiety and wait as I'm told if I don't do any compulsions the anxiety will go down. But it doesn't work with hiv fear. I'm just gonna think I have a disease unless I know for sure I dont

[JGF25]

A three month test is conclusive.  I can't help you other than to direct you to appropriate therapy.  You said the psychologist didn't help.  Did you learn cognitive behavioral therapy?  The reality is OCD is a disorder that takes work to overcome.  If a person with OCD just wants to be reassured all the time without actually putting in the work to get better, they are never going to get better.  Also, sometimes CBT doesn't work alone and medication is necessary.  Did you ever discuss medication with your therapist?  

[1missy1]

I'm seriously freaking get out that while at a wedding because I was drinking that someone did something to me. What if I had sex and don't know. I mean why would I as I was with my boyfriend but what if the times where I was using the bathroom or something that something happened. I tested negative 3 months after this wedding because I was worried about hiv then. This negative test was 3 weeks ago. But then I was hung up on the person drawing my blood because she was aware of my phobia and anxiety and I've been stressing these past 3 weeks that she could have intentionally done something to give me hiv while drawing my blood. I was just starting to get over that though but woke up this morning with a small rash patch on my lower back so now I'm freaking out about hiv as I know rash is a symptom. I was told 3 months test is conclusive. Should I believe that is it true? Could I have hiv from something that nay have happened at the wedding? Why the rash now? It's either the wedding or my recent blood draw that someone could have infected me. Help me please! Yo rationalize

[1missy1]

Also my temp. Is 97.5 why???

[1missy1]

I've seen psychologists they don't help

[1missy1]

But the rash. The small patch of red bumps. How can it be explained. What if it an hiv rash I'm ignoring g

[JGF25]

Sorry...use the link above.  

[JGF25]

Testing is not going to help you in the slightest.  The negative you get will only make you feel good for a little while because you have HIV anxiety and/or OCD.  Instead of seeing your regular doc and convincing her to give you another test, why don't you see a psychologist instead?  Testing is just keeping you in the OCD loop.  

Read the following article.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

[JGF25]

Testing is not going to help you in the slightest.  The negative you get will only make you feel good for a little while because you have HIV anxiety and/or OCD.  Instead of seeing your regular doc and convincing her to give you another test, why don't you see a psychologist instead?  Testing is just keeping you in the OCD loop.  

Read the following article.  

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=ten%20things%20fred%20penzel