Hello:)
I have been suffering with OCD since childhood...It took various forms. For the past several years, however, I have developed an intense fear of blood. Almost everywhere I go, whether it be outside, stores, work, etc, I find myself constantly checking/looking out for possible blood on either the ground (like on bandaids), on anything I touch, and so on. It is very mentally exhausting. I used to go to therapy, but stopped going. I will most probably start going again. But until I do, I would really appreciate the help of you "sane" and knowledgeable people here on Medhelp. I would like to ask a question about a recent "exposure" I had.
Today, after I got the mail from the mailman, I noticed red stains on one of the envelopes. I was freaked out to say the least because the first thing I thought of was blood.. Recently, I developed a big fear of the vector and blood borne disease, Chagas.. Now I know I can't get anything like HIV, Hep, etc. because I washed my hands immediately and took a shower. But, Chagas is a whole other story. So, now my mind is going crazy thinking what if the person at the post office had cut their hand and then he or she had the disease and stained the envelope. I touched it, and since it is a parasite disease, the parasites entered some superficial scratches I had on fingers.
This scenario is constantly playing in my head & it won't come out. Again, I would appreciate any insight/help/advice any of you might have. I feel like I am going insane. So much so that as I was washing my hands I began crying.. from mental fatigue. Thank you very much for reading all this, btw.
http://www.cdc.gov/parasites/blood.html
It is a vector disease, i.e., you need to be bitten by an insect carrying the parasite. Also, it is not common in America (I'm assuming you are here in America but not sure obviously).
Because of your irrational thinking about blood borne diseases, it isn't surprising to me that you are finding closure on a particular disease such as HIV but then you find something else to fixate on. This is how OCD works.
You need to give up control. You are trying to control what happens to you when in fact you don't have control and you never will. Things randomly happen. Of course you can prevent yourself from getting HIV by having protected sex but the sooner you learn to accept that you don't control everything in the known universe, you will get past this. You need to think the thought and let it wash over you with a "whatever" and then busy yourself with something else. Everybody thinks thoughts, it is just that OCD people latch onto them and project them onto themselves and then catastrophize them. Your therapist should be teaching you cognitive behavioral therapy. Are you practicing that?