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Avatar universal

Is it my ocd or am i transgender

Im only 14 and I'm a boy. I have thoughts ocd about rape and murder ect. I also have to touch wood if i think about something bad. Anyways new thoughts about me becoming a transgender keeps coming into my head. I am gay by the way. I know that. I don't think I'm trans. This has brought me to tears thinking about this. If you know the tv show orange is the new black the transgender in it is what got me thinking about all of these thoughts. Just by seeing her. I really hope I'm not trans. Im so confused and i hope its my ocd. I just want these thoughts to go away. Please help.
I hate my mind and im beginning to hate myself. I mean i played with barbies when i was 5. But i liked girls before i hit puberty. I think its my ocd because i hate the idea of me being one. What do you think
Best Answer
1699033 tn?1514113133
Hi there...such a heavy burden for a 14 year old.  I think that if you have to ask "is it my OCD or am I transgender" you have to know that it is your OCD.  Just look back at past thoughts...none of them were true either..right.  

OCD is all about torturing ourselves with horrific thoughts.  You know you are gay so the only option you have to torture yourself with is this transgender thought.  You watched a show and you saw something and you did the "what-if" and now you are stuck.  

Have you talked to your parents about getting help for your OCD?  Do you see a child psychologist?  
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Avatar universal
It's common at your age.don t take it too serious
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1699033 tn?1514113133
So a support group for people that believe they are going to become transgender?  
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Avatar universal
Guess what i found a tocd support group on skype and I'm reading about mbct.
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Avatar universal
Another thing. I don't always get thoughts about being transgender. Its like its sometimes in the back of my head that gets me thinking about it. Thats when i hate the impulsive thoughts. Its not like i get a picture image of me being one or me thinking a sentence. Its like its just there and i don't want it in my head. So i presume thats ocd because iv always suffered from ocd since i was like 5 plus i got it from a tv show.
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Avatar universal
I dont know but i do also repeat check things. So do you think i keep checking to see if i can pee because my obsession in re checking things. Or would you say that they are un related
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1699033 tn?1514113133
I guess it comes down to what happens if you don't pee?  Do you feel anxious or are you afraid that since you are at a friend's house you may wet the bed which I'm sure wouldn't happen but could be yet another irrational thought.  
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Avatar universal
Also I'm just wondering when i go to peoples houses like my friends to spend the night. Before i go to sleep i constantly go to the bathroom to pee even though i don't have to. I know i don't have to go but i keep trying to as hard as i can to go. Is that ocd?
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Avatar universal
Oh ok i did manage to find videos telling me about good techniques of handling my impulsive thoughts. I think that they are actually quite helpful at times
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1699033 tn?1514113133
cognitive behavioral therapy consists of learning things like controlled breathing, replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts, etc.  It is kind of like retraining your brain.  You learn that if you just stop fighting the thought, it will go away because you have taken the fear out of it.  

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Avatar universal
Oh and what is cognitive behavioral therapy.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
I don't go to therapy anymore because I learned cognitive behavioral therapy years ago and I do use that to this day but I also take medication which help me with my OCD.  So to answer your question, with the right help, you can control your OCD to the point that it isn't an issue for the most part.  Stress makes OCD worse so that is why I talked about the breathing and meditation videos so that you can relax.  
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Avatar universal
Im just wondering do you still go to therapy for your ocd? Does it get better?
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Avatar universal
Being honest today i had a horrible day. Its like i am being tricked into thinking I'm trans. Would you know of any support groups online or anything? I mean there is hocd and it makes me mad that there is not a tocd. Judging by research so many people have these thoughts and its not a thing that is investigated much by therapists. I mean i cant be if i would hate if i was trans right. Sorry that I'm just trowing all of this on you its just nice to be able to talk to someone about this. I mean I'm ok with my body. Fair enough i feel insecure about some things like my leg hair or something like that but thats really it. I just hate this anxiety. I will probably ask them if i can go to a therapist after christmas. Sorry for just flinging all this on you by the way.
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Avatar universal
Sorry i have replied so late. I will try what you have said about the videos.
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1699033 tn?1514113133
I'm going to still advocate for talking to your parents.  Would it be better if you told them you have anxiety?  That you worry about stuff all the time?  If you were my son, I would want to help you.  OCD is tricky and we do over time develop our own coping mechanisms because we are forced to but that doesn't mean there aren't better ones out there.  I can't say you have OCD because I can't diagnose you on the forum but it sure does sound like it.  Those thoughts about harming people.  I have been there.  What I want you to know is that these thoughts stay with us because we are horrified by them.  And being horrified by them means that we will never act on them.  

Anyway, Here are a few things you can try.  When you feel anxious and your mind is going and going try this breathing technique.  Do it laying down at first with your hands on your stomach.  Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and count this out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth.  You can feel the rise and fall of your stomach.  This is something that you can do anywhere and nobody will even know you are doing it.  

When you get stuck on a thought or even when a "what-if" thought pops into your head, right away counter it with self-coaching..."NO, I AM NOT GOING THERE AGAIN, MOVE ON!" and busy yourself with something like reading a book or going outside with your friends.

Try to find some meditation videos on YouTube.  They are very relaxing.  I don't have a link but there are some good ones out there so just find some and try it.  I found one on there that had me so relaxed I felt like I was part of the couch when I was done.  

Let me know how you are doing.  

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No i don't see a child psychologist because i haven't even told my parents. I don't even think they would believe that i have ocd either. I mean it would be embarrassing  to tell them all of this. I have my good days and my bad days. Some days i can keep these thoughts away, other days they just wont stop coming and I feel horrible. What I'm most afraid of is ill could see something random and i wont stop thinking about it.
Helpful - 0
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