So where to start? I am 25 almost 26, I have had OCD since I was 10 give or take an earlier year. I've been to several doctors when I was younger, mostly family doctors, then psychologists and then psychiatrists, each over a course of years. psychiatrists stated it was higher end moderate to severe OCD. One doctor thought it wasn't just OCD, but OCD with tourettes syndrome. It however is not, and that still to this day is the hardest ******* thing to get removed from my medical files. I was 11 when they said that, I had surgery three years ago who still had it listed.
Besides the OCD, I had MDD (Major Depression Disorder), Social Anxiety Disorder, and now talking to a therapist they are thinking anti-social personality disorder. I take Xanax 1MG+ because of Anxiety, and 2MG if my OCD is constant and doesn't stop. I wait over 30 mins and my OCD kind of lets up because of the Xanax. Also have a mood disorder.
From when I was 10 to when I was 16 I have tried atleast 7-8 Different OCD meds.
Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil, Prozac, Effexor, Luvox just to name a few.
Some meds helped for awhile, then their effect went away, up the dosage and I became a zombie with some, others, just didn't work at all it seemed like. Allergic reactions to some as well.
A few years ago, I got pissed off an tried Doxiepin (not sure if spelled right) 100 MG daily, this was the sweet spot. However I work late nights. This medicine messed up my sleep schedule way to much. I'd be driving home at 11PM and almost fall asleep. I fell asleep once at a red light. It put a dent into the OCD, but 100 MG was too much to be able to work my hours. Anything less didn't have the release from OCD.
I've gone to therapy, didn't help. Sure it helped with the depression and anger, but did nothing for OCD.
I have to repeat almost everything that I do, three sets of three, or four sets of 4, some things 8 sets of 8. It's ******* annoying. Typing all this out, I backspaced, typed, backspaced, typed, backspaced, typed. I have to repeat what I say at times, three times. I constantly have to check to make sure lights and other things are turned off, and are turned off "Correctly" (Does it feel "right"). If I try to ignore it, I can only ignore the urge for a few mins then a "well if I don't do it that way, "this" will happen" Irrational thoughts because of not doing it correctly.
A few amount of close friends know I have it, I can hide it incredibly well. I simply stay away from things I know I will have to repeat. However, recently my OCD has seemed like it is getting worse. More people who I have normally been able to hide it from have taken notice and they kind of have the "What the ****?" look. I completely hate OCD, I hate living because of it. I have thought of "opting" out so many times just to not have to deal with OCD. OCD issues trigger anxiety, repeating something only to have someone interrupt and having to redo it causes anger.
The other day, I took my wedding band off to wash my hands, I know I put it back on ,however for about half an hour I had a full on panic attack because "what if I didn't put it back on" even though it was.
I have broke objects because I couldn't turn them off "correctly". I broke light switches (alot), doors, door knobs, I broke my car window roller (roll to make it go up and down), Push on it five times to make sure it was up, 1,2,3,4 HARD 5 snap.
IT is getting worse, when I was younger it was far far far worse than what it currently is, but I think it's going back that way.
Anyone here have any medicine that they have taken and think works great? I am desperate. Desperate to the point when I am even considering electroconvulsive therapy.
I cannot go through life anymore with this.
Just so you know I take 1 mg klonopin at night to sleep and 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL. Wellbutrin is a SNRI rather than a SSRI.
The checking behavior I know well. I have never broken anything and I never felt something bad woud happen except something like burning down the house if Ieft the stove on. I have control over my checking now through self coaching.
Awaiting you reply.