My strange brain + school

[Keifer101]

Okay, so here's the deal.

I just failed an exam in my Computer Science Engineering class at my university. Another exam. This may be a normal happening for everyone now and then, but it's a little different for me, and  I'm kind of at a loss for what to do.

My brain has been acting somewhat strangely for two years. I really love it and think it is a wonderful brain, but I think there are a few broken gears. In high school I did pretty well, I was the salutatorian and was able to write well and be creative and stuff. A little into my second year at college, my brain just started to change. I found myself less able to think creatively. I found that I found it almost impossible to comprehend a concept unless I read it or heard it 'just right', and if I didn't get it right, then I had to start at the beginning. My whole conception of time shifted in such away that I began anticipating events days and weeks in advance, and started find it almost impossible to get things done on a minute by minute basis. I began finding that strange rules were being applied to my life; for example, if I was attending a lecture, and did not pay attention from the beginning, I felt as if my mind was blocking me or something just catching up with the lecture; instead, I felt like I had to go back to the beginning somehow, of what the professor said, and then start listening. Or, now when I try to write a paper, I am simply incapable of writing a point. I realize that all of papers are circular summaries of what I've read! It's very strange, it's like my whole life perspective has been turned upside down.

Anyways, I began seeing a therapist, she said it was OCD, although the symptoms she described did not seem to fit me at all. I do NOT have intrusive repeated thoughts. I do not feel the need to repeat anything. I just feel like my brain was suddenly hardwired in a different way. I went to a psychiatrist with her blessing, and she proscribed me Celexa. I took that for like 7 months, and while it made me feel a little happier, it did absolutely nothing that affected, changed, or reduced any of the aforementioned symptoms.

When it comes down to it:
I feel like a failure for failing my exam, again. I don't what my TA or teacher thinks of me, but I am extremely reluctant to go up to them and say that I have some disorder, because I'm not some mentally deranged person. So, what do I do? I would see a psychiatrist again, but I currently do not have the money.

Thanks
Anthony

[Keifer101]

Thanks for your reply. I had never heard about OCPD before and went ahead and read about it. It sounds kind of similar to what I'm going through.

So, how come the medication did absolutely nothing to affect the symptoms? I mean, not even the slightest bit? You'd think that it would work a little.

Also, what do I do now? And, should I try saying something to my professor?

[LivingwithOCD07]

Not everyone has the same cookie cutter O's and C's. It does sound to me like OCPD. You should check out obsessive compulsive personality disorder.