Need help dealing with hording disorder

[Mani2]

I just realized that my fiancee has a serious case of hording disorder which also shows some typical traits of OCD and panic dissorder.
I realized it too late (because naturaly she didn't let me see her appartement). So since I didn't knew, I wanted to marry her and SHE IS RIGHT NOW IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING IN WITH ME INCLUDING BRINGING ALL HER JUNK WITH HER!

So I need help! What can I do? It's no question that I cannot let this happen. There is no way i could live like that, there is no way of trying to convince her not to bring her junk or throwing it away or asking her to store it some place (belive me i tried - she insists on bringing truckloads (literally) of junk right into our (very small) bedroom and she goes berserk if i start arguing about it not to mention if i where to throw any of it away or even touch any of it), and since she has allready started moving in with me it will be very difficult (and propably hazardous to both of our health and sanity) if i just throw her out now, just like that.

So... HELP! What can i do? I would of course love to help her and find that magic pill that would make her illness go away... but it's propably caused by some deep trauma or something and i would be deluding myself if i where to say i had any way or even any clue of how to help her (particularly because she violently resists any help).

So the only safe way for me to get out of the situation that i can think of right now is to fake my own death or something and then just leave her and everything behind and move to some distant location. I am seriously considering this option since i always wanted to live a simpler, more secluded lifestyle (-;

But maybe you guys know of other ways out of the situation? To make it absolutely clear, i am not really trying to help her anymore. I tried helping her and it was pretty futile and resulted in violent outbursts and panic attacks on her part. Getting professional help would be good, but she would never accept any real professional help and there is no way for me to force her. So the only thing i want right now is to find a way for myself to get out of the situation and away from her (or even better her away from me) without causing her even more trauma or endangering any of us.

And please only reply if you have experience with hording dissorders. The DSM still classifies compulsive hording as a symptom of OCD so i guessed this is the right place to ask. But while compulsive hording is certainly similar to OCD, the the ways to provide help as well as the ways it effects others are differen't (paricularly if living in the same household).

[lola099]

I agree that you need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with her. This is an illness that can be controlled, it is not easy and it will most likely be a difficult road travel, but if you love this woman and want to marry her, then you will be willing to take this path with her. Remember that vows are "in sickness and health".

This is not a way for her to live and I am sure she is not happy with it either. OCD is not an easy thing to understand, because to the outside world it is just junk, garbage, but to her it is more than that, and to get rid of it will cause anxiety that you cannot imagine. This things are tied to her compulsions and probably a superstition of sorts that if these things are thrown out something bad will happen. OCD is about control and the way we try to control things. most often things that cannot be controlled, are not always the most logical of ways. You cannot expect her to simply throw out her things, on a whim, or just because you say so, it's unfortunately not that simple. If only.

Like I mentioned earlier, this is going to be a long road, but not a hopeless one. With the right counselling, and probably the right medication, this situation can resolved.

My husband also thought I was insane, totally loopy and off the deep end. But to show that he loves and accepts me for who  I am, flaws and all, he proposed to me, while I was doing what I do best, and that is cleaning. It was a very important gesture to me, because it meant that he loved me and all of me and supported me to the fullest. There are times when he cannot take me, and my second guessing or my contant need for reassurance but it's those times  that he tells me that he can't and we deal with it. He supports me through therapy, medication, and washing my  hands till they bleed.

This situation needs help. It will not resolve on it's own, and you can only help her so much. However, if she does not agree to get help or she does not change there is no reason to fake your own death :) Im sure that there are other alternatives.

You do have to lay it down for her, and have a very serious talk. You cannot be expected to live in a mes of junk and she shouldn't force you, nor she should be forcing herself. Have the talk. Find the therapist and a good Dr. Just remember this is not an overnight fix. Have patience.

Good luck,

[JGF25]

Sorry for the late reply, I was away on vacation.

Why don't you sit down with her (I assume you still love her and would still want to marry her if the hording wasn't present, and perhaps the other OCD symptoms) and tell her that you cannot live your life this way and that the only way you both can get married is if she seeks professional help.  Tell her you will go to the first appointment with her but that she needs to get help or the marriage is off.  She can get better with the proper help.  Start with a psychologist who specializes in OCD and CBT.  My husband thought I was a looney toones when I first went off my own OCD cliff.  I came back and while I do panic occasionally for the most part I am fine.  Even this last time I nose-dived, I just said "I'm going to be a little crazy for a while but I will get better."  And of course I did.  You can live with this, I promise you, but she does need help.  Good luck.