OCD/Anxiety about being Transgender

[blooblah]

Hi all. I'm a 20 year old female and I've been having lots of anxiety over whether or not I'm transgender for the past 3 weeks. I have had the thought a couple times over the last year or so, but each time it was only for a few days and it kind of just passed through normally. I go to a college where there is a very large population of trans/non-binary people, so my past thoughts about it seemed fairly normal. For some reason, this time it has stuck and has made me incredibly anxious. 3 months ago I was having a lot of anxiety about whether I was sick or not all the time, and now it seems like I've moved onto this. I started seeing a therapist when these thoughts came on and she has helped tremendously with CBT treatment. I haven't gotten to a heightened level of anxiety in the past week, but nonetheless I'm still having thoughts that make me less anxious, but seem to be lingering. I seem to be very self-conscious about whether I am being/looking too masculine and it makes me really uncomfortable. When I think these things, I can seem to even convince myself of feeling like a man in the moment if I'm anxious enough and that makes me even more anxious. It's a difficult thing to describe, but I seem to get anxious that my anxiety about being masculine is just suppressing something as well. After these last three weeks, it just seems difficult to feel like myself again where none of these thoughts would pop up. Prior to this, I was a very confident woman who never second-guessed what I wore, how I behaved, or anything. Has anyone else experience this? How did you get passed it?

[JGF25]

My history with OCD is a very long one and I have learned through the years that what I really want is for the thoughts to wash over me and so if I find that something that was bothering me is no longer bothering me, then I see it as a victory rather than as the thought must be true than.  Does that makes sense?  

[blooblah]

I guess the same goes for me as well. That does make sense. I feel as if I'm on the verge of victory as I am able to deal with the anxiety so much better with my CBT treatment. I still have anxious thoughts that weigh me down on a daily basis and those bother me, but I'm trying to not let them bother me and move past them gradually. This stuff just takes a long time...

[JGF25]

Hi there....you are doing the best thing you can for yourself which is seeing a therapist and learning CBT.  It looks to me that CBT is helping you.  

[blooblah]

Yeah it definitely is. I guess now that I have been feeling better, there are still some lingering anxieties about things such as, "What if when I'm no longer as anxious about this, I will realize I am trans?" or things that don't quite let me let go of the anxiety because I am so fearful of it. I've gotten out of a lot of thought cycles around this subject and now that it feels as if I'm on the cusp of moving on and being okay with the thoughts, this is just one thing that is hindering me. I know I will work though this too though. Have you ever experienced something like this? Like you've been so anxious about something for a substantial amount of time that letting go of it makes you feel like you have your guard down and as if it really is going to happen if you don't worry about it?