raped for years and ocd with womens cloths

[broken74]

i cant stop wear womens under clothes . i cant shake the thoughts of being raped again. i feel i have been programed. i can stop it all but my mind drives me back. i feel im the only person out there with this problem i mean i was raped bye a man from age 5 to 12. and when it all came out i was left alone to deal with it. has anyone been through this sort of thing and if so what help you to move on.

[broken74]

yes i have been going to phy. for 6 years and stopped going cause they say im scared for life and i do have alot of ptsd. i have had over 9 different phy. and they all say to become a women and let it out and i did for awhile and was having chest pains axity and shacking all over and felt like people where staring at me laughing at me so i couldnt take it no more and now i find myself traped in home with it. i have forgave my brother and he still has 6 more years till he gets out. hes been in there for about  15 years from me and others. i have been on alot of pills and one almost killed me but now im just on trasadomes to keep me from having night mare and roll playing while sleeping. thanks for info. have you had something like this you deal with every day.

[JGF25]

Hi there broken74.  I'm not a doctor and therefore not qualified to diagnose you but it seems to me that you may be suffering more from PTSD rather than OCD.  I did read your journal and you made some statements that to me mean you require psychological help.  Have you ever sought help for what has gone on in your life?  There are emotional scars as well as physical ones when rape occurs and they both need to be addressed.  Your abuse went on for quite a while and I'm sure there are a lot of trust issues going on in your life as well.  You are 37 now and most likely bottled all this up.  It's time to get it out there to a psychologist and get the help you need.  The man who did this to you, well I hope he is in jail because that is where he belongs.  Best of luck to you.