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Sensorimotor OCD, does anyone else have it? and help!
hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the hell i am going through 24/7.
to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a ******* nightmare.
im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its ****. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is ****, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live.
i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same **** and understand what im feeling. anyone else going through this **** hit me up ! :) sorry for the huge ******* post my bad yall but this is straight from the heart emotional ****, but i really need help i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability, and not have the smocd affecting me.
does anyone have tips for how to do ERP or CBT for the blinking obsession? Like the various exposer techniques...they worked for me with swallowing, and yes there is hope! But I have never been told how to go about it for blinking...ideas?
Going through the same as the people above. Wish everyone the best of luck with this. Don't really have anything to add about this Sensorimotor OCD, because everyone has already said it.
And wishing everyone the best of luck with this.
And wishing everyone the best of luck with this.
Thank you for sharing your positiv expiriences with us. That makes me hope again. I know, that you are right when you say I have to embrace it. But it is soooooooo hard. It ruins my whole life. I think, it is my way to deal with other problems, because when I worry about my OCD, that ist worse than everything else. I know that, but my body cant give up this strategie. I went to a therapist for 5 years and learned to deal with my problems. But the OCD always comes back.
Have a good week!
Have a good week!
Thank you for sharing your success story. You are right in that we have to give the thoughts no credit because when we fight them they just stay around longer. Best of luck to you.
I wanted to come out and share with others in this forum about everything I have learnt with Sensor-motor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I have been dealing with this type of OCD for going on 3 years now. I did face times of major healing and went months without dealing with the bodily obsessions. However, as I have stated earlier in this forum, I have now been dealing with it for six months now. The great news is, I am beginning to overcome it. I have now went a few days or more without the thoughts. I want to share a new strategy that I found a few days ago that could help. However, each person has a different way with coping. This is just an option to try.
Over the past six months I have tried many coping strategies that I had used before to help with the bodily obsessions. However, they didn't seem to work. I was beginning to loose hope more than a few days ago until I realized something (I will come to this soon). I was trying so bad to get rid of them and was so upset because they wouldn't go away. This kind of coping does not work. I don't know if any of you have had other people telling you to ignore them? There is a lot of people who don't understand how difficult that is to do. This time since none of my other coping strategies worked other than just trying to ignore them, I formed a new one.
Learn to embrace the bodily obsessions. Learn to accept them as a part of yourself. This idea is also very similar to ERP therapy. When you accept them as a part of you, you begin to just let them happen. And slowly but surely as you accept them and let them happen, you will begin to loose focus on them and think about other things. You will even be able to distract yourself more easier. It does take time though. See if you try to ignore them you will drive yourself crazy and only make it worse. You will only highten the fear of them and make them stay on your mind longer. Trust me I have been there. But since I have now embraced them, I have been doing a lot better.
Let's take a look at an example. Let's say that you have something about yourself that you may never be able to change. If you get upset about it and try to change it as hard as you can; but then you can't, your only going to make things worse for yourself. However, if you embrace it, you begin to let it go and move on with your life. By accepting something that we may not be able to change, then we can move on from fear and begin to live. There is nothing better than being at peace with yourself.
I decided a few days ago that I was tired of trying to let these quirks go by force and was tired of always trying to distract myself because it was not working. Instead I decided to embrace them and let them be a part of me. And now I have been at peace with myself. And by doing this, I have also just let them happen when they do. But as I embrace them, it makes things easier on my symptoms. And now I find that through a majority of the day, I am not even thinking about them. And when I do, they don't actually bother me. I have come along way and you can to.
I have not been a lone though. I have had people who have supported me, and have reminded me of my strengths to get through this. You can't always begin to embrace bodily obsessions on your own. You do need help and support from others to remind you of your strength. Trust me there is hope and now I have found it. I hope this will help some of you.
Over the past six months I have tried many coping strategies that I had used before to help with the bodily obsessions. However, they didn't seem to work. I was beginning to loose hope more than a few days ago until I realized something (I will come to this soon). I was trying so bad to get rid of them and was so upset because they wouldn't go away. This kind of coping does not work. I don't know if any of you have had other people telling you to ignore them? There is a lot of people who don't understand how difficult that is to do. This time since none of my other coping strategies worked other than just trying to ignore them, I formed a new one.
Learn to embrace the bodily obsessions. Learn to accept them as a part of yourself. This idea is also very similar to ERP therapy. When you accept them as a part of you, you begin to just let them happen. And slowly but surely as you accept them and let them happen, you will begin to loose focus on them and think about other things. You will even be able to distract yourself more easier. It does take time though. See if you try to ignore them you will drive yourself crazy and only make it worse. You will only highten the fear of them and make them stay on your mind longer. Trust me I have been there. But since I have now embraced them, I have been doing a lot better.
Let's take a look at an example. Let's say that you have something about yourself that you may never be able to change. If you get upset about it and try to change it as hard as you can; but then you can't, your only going to make things worse for yourself. However, if you embrace it, you begin to let it go and move on with your life. By accepting something that we may not be able to change, then we can move on from fear and begin to live. There is nothing better than being at peace with yourself.
I decided a few days ago that I was tired of trying to let these quirks go by force and was tired of always trying to distract myself because it was not working. Instead I decided to embrace them and let them be a part of me. And now I have been at peace with myself. And by doing this, I have also just let them happen when they do. But as I embrace them, it makes things easier on my symptoms. And now I find that through a majority of the day, I am not even thinking about them. And when I do, they don't actually bother me. I have come along way and you can to.
I have not been a lone though. I have had people who have supported me, and have reminded me of my strengths to get through this. You can't always begin to embrace bodily obsessions on your own. You do need help and support from others to remind you of your strength. Trust me there is hope and now I have found it. I hope this will help some of you.
1 Comments
Are you still doing ok with your thoughts. I am going through something similar where I have a lump in my throat which effects everything. I can cause it just by thinking about it. Then my anxiety starts racing And it gets worse the more I think about it.
The adrenaline and cortisol flowing through my blood obviously prevents me from sleeping also.
I've proven to myself that it is not permanent. When I get fixated on things at work it goes away for 30 mins to an hour at a time, I feel semi normal and my mood even comes back. but the problem returns if I'm left to my own thoughts.
How do you suggest someone like me start accepting these obsessions? Saying it is one thing but convincing yourself it's OK is another.
I went through this once before many years ago. Got through it and was a stable semi-normal person for 5 or 6 years. Other than maybe getting a little nervous about sleep occasionally if my schedule was rushed.
The adrenaline and cortisol flowing through my blood obviously prevents me from sleeping also.
I've proven to myself that it is not permanent. When I get fixated on things at work it goes away for 30 mins to an hour at a time, I feel semi normal and my mood even comes back. but the problem returns if I'm left to my own thoughts.
How do you suggest someone like me start accepting these obsessions? Saying it is one thing but convincing yourself it's OK is another.
I went through this once before many years ago. Got through it and was a stable semi-normal person for 5 or 6 years. Other than maybe getting a little nervous about sleep occasionally if my schedule was rushed.
Hi there,
Hi Koala and others. You have made the very hard first step of recognizing the problem. Your situation is not hopeless, and many people (myself included) have come out from the pain where you are to feel free and happy and alive again. You can do it too. Lean on the support of people who have been through and are going through what you are going through to learn how to get better. It is surprisingly helpful and important to talk to other people with the same experiences.
One thing that calms me down in the moment is to engage in a more healthy ritual that occupies my mind until the urge/obsession passes. If I feel like I can't breathe, for example, because I'm so fixated on my throat and jaw that it feels overwhelming, I will do a breathing mediation.
On breathing in, I think to myself 'Calm,'
on breathing out 'Smile,'
next breath in 'Present Moment,'
breath out 'Wonderful Moment.'
Sometimes I count my breaths:
'Inhale 1,'
'Exhale 1,'
'Inhale 2,'
'Exhale 2,'
etc., trying to reach 10 before I lose track. If I do lose count, I start over again. If I get to ten, I then go backwards.
I try to keep my mind as calm as possible instead of being anxious about doing it right by physically relaxing my face, neck, scalp, shoulder muscles every time I feel them tense up again.
These methods help me in the moment to get out of really tight spots, like when I feel like I'm going to die. I also gradually work on the sources of my OCD with processes like CBT, EMDR, the OCD Workbook, Neurofeedback, and healthy habits like eating regularly and getting protein & veggies, exercising, communicating with others. These topics are addressed in posts above mine.
Hi Koala and others. You have made the very hard first step of recognizing the problem. Your situation is not hopeless, and many people (myself included) have come out from the pain where you are to feel free and happy and alive again. You can do it too. Lean on the support of people who have been through and are going through what you are going through to learn how to get better. It is surprisingly helpful and important to talk to other people with the same experiences.
One thing that calms me down in the moment is to engage in a more healthy ritual that occupies my mind until the urge/obsession passes. If I feel like I can't breathe, for example, because I'm so fixated on my throat and jaw that it feels overwhelming, I will do a breathing mediation.
On breathing in, I think to myself 'Calm,'
on breathing out 'Smile,'
next breath in 'Present Moment,'
breath out 'Wonderful Moment.'
Sometimes I count my breaths:
'Inhale 1,'
'Exhale 1,'
'Inhale 2,'
'Exhale 2,'
etc., trying to reach 10 before I lose track. If I do lose count, I start over again. If I get to ten, I then go backwards.
I try to keep my mind as calm as possible instead of being anxious about doing it right by physically relaxing my face, neck, scalp, shoulder muscles every time I feel them tense up again.
These methods help me in the moment to get out of really tight spots, like when I feel like I'm going to die. I also gradually work on the sources of my OCD with processes like CBT, EMDR, the OCD Workbook, Neurofeedback, and healthy habits like eating regularly and getting protein & veggies, exercising, communicating with others. These topics are addressed in posts above mine.
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I was really sad reading your post. Your OCD has made you do a complete 180 in your life and really who could blame you for being really, really upset.
So I do have a couple of question for you. You said you are seeing a psychologist but that it is only talk therapy. Well talk therapy can be helpful but from my own experience CBT is the best therapy for somebody with OCD. If your psychologist doesn't teach CBT, then you really should find somebody that does. It is a critical component in my mind in the fight against OCD and it is something that I learned years ago and still rely on to this day.
You said you are taking Lovan which in the US is Prozac. I took that a long time ago. What dose are you on and how long have you been taking it? I am going to go on the assumption that you are not seeing a psychiatrist for the medication. Some general doctors are pretty good with OCD and others not so much. So my suggestion would be to find a psychiatrist as well who can manage your medication. If it is not working then it either isn't the correct medication for you or you are on the wrong dose. For myself, it helped in the beginning to take a benzodiazepine to take the edge off. Once my medication built up to an effective level in my system, I didn't need to take the benzo during the day anymore. I don't know what they are called in Australia but in the US they are Xanax and Klonopin. So this is something you should really talk to the psychiatrist about as to whether he/she thinks it could help you in the short-term. Klonopin is one that people take on a more longer-term basis.
OCD is awful no matter what kind you have. However, I am proof that you can get better in that I do take medication and I practice CBT and I live a very normal life. I just think at the moment you are not getting the right kind of help that you need to live your life normally.
A book that a lot of people use is called The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It has a rating of 5 stars and so you may think about getting this book.
I know it is hard but you have to think positive. You know what you are doing isn't working so you need to make some life changes.
Psychologist that teaches CBT
Psyciatrist who can better manage your medication and is I'm sure much more familiar with what is out there and what dose you need to be at. And also talk to him/her about possibly adding either Xanax or Klonopin to your medication regimen in the short run to give you some relief.
Try to remember that you were not always like this. You lived a very normal and happy life. OCD doesn't have to take somebody, turn them around 180 and they never recover from it. People learn to live with OCD very well and your willingness to take medication makes it, in my opinion, that much easier. I fall back on past positive experiences all the time.
Get the The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Please keep me informed as to your progress. Remember only you can make yourself better by taking the appropriate steps to get well. You have a good start but it just isn't enough right now. Talk to your parents, and get the right doctors involved so that you can get better, pass high school and go on to college and live a very successful life.
Keep in touch. I want to know about your positive progress!