Thinking of Dying

[jimmycricket1983]

Hi I am new to this forum and just wanted some advice on the above matter as it is controlling my life. I have the thought in my head that I am going to die and it controls my life. I have got in my head that I see dark shadows and I associate these with death, it controls my everyday life. For example if I go into a shop to buy an item of clothing and If feel I see one of these dark shadows at this time I will not buy that item of clothing as I associate that clothing with bad thoughts and think to myself I am going to die if I buy it. This thought controls my life last year I pulled out of buying a house as i though i saw a dark shadow when looking around the house. Is there such thing as dark shadows or is this my mind thinking these horrible thoughts.

I am also obsessed with superstitions. For example I read a superstition that if you leave a broom on a bed it means death to that person since reading that superstition if has controlled my life. If i go near a broom i have to shower repeatedly to make sure there is no traces of badness etc. If a broom comes in contact with any of my clothing they are either chucked in the bin or washed three or four times. For example my daughter dressed up for hallowen and she had a broom she touched my work shoes with her broom and because of this i had to chuck them out.

These obsessional thoughts are really affecting my life in a big way and really just wanted somebodies advice and opinions.  

Thanks

[jimmycricket1983]

Hi there thanks for your reply.

It is a constant battle everyday to deal with this. Do you think there is actually nay truth in my beliefs. I have been diagnosed with OCD in the past. All i want to do is lead a normal life. I went to buy a pair of jeans the other day but could not do it as i kept thinking i saw these shadows

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there!  I'm sorry you're struggling.  Have you ever been assessed by a mental health professional?  It sounds very much like you're dealing with an anxiety disorder, maybe OCD?

If you haven't yet been assessed, that should be your first step.