hocd, pocd = depression

[redwingslions]

hey guys, im red, please read and comment!!!!!

This all started for me a couple months ago starting a new job. i was really anxious and on lunch later that week, i had envisioned stabbing one of my co-workers. this freaked me the **** out. i had no idea what was going on with me. i think it all started with me thinking "what if i was a schizo" so whenever i saw this co-worker, id think in my head "kill dan." it was the most fkd up thing ever!!! anyways, long story short,  it went from dan to my gf. i went to the doctors and got prescribed paxil.. eventually those harm thoughts stopped because another obsession took over me and it still is affecting my life today. its POCH and HOCD. i know im not a paedo and i know im not gay cause i like girls and have all my life (althought the paxil has lowered my sex drive which doesnt help the case for liking females lol) but i still let the thoughts affect me cause there are always triggers. if i see 2 guys kissing it grosses me out. but now if i see a good looking guy in the store my mind will go "oh u like him, youre def gay" or if i see a kid my brain automatically makes me think "youre a pedo, be sad" so basically the triggers of seeing either males or kids trigger me to be sad which ***** cause i love my niece and nephew so much it makes it hard to enjoy them! i sometimes think "how is this happening to me?!?!?!?!?!??!?!" its making me not enjoy life. maybe im on the wrong meds? will this ever go away? it scares me to think that ill have to live with these thoughts my whole life.

any input would be greatly appreciated!

red

[JGF25]

When you see the school say "no, I'm not that person and I'm not going there!"  Yell it out in the car if you have to.  I know it sounds stupid but that is how I get out of panic attacks.  I self talk myself while breathing through it with things like "you drive on the beltway all the time without a problem and this is no different."  (I have certain places that I have had panic attacks in the past and I basically talk myself into one when I make those drives)  Then I make sure the radio is on some music I really like and I start to sing along.  Anything to occupy my mind and stop it from where it wants to go.  

Hang in there and let me know how March 5th goes!  Take care.  

[redwingslions]

thank you for the reply, i appreciate your input :) i dont see my psych until march 5th, so for now im going to stick with the paxil until then. its so tough to think that itll go away when there are so many triggers, you know? just driving down the street seeing a school. arghhh :( oh well, i have hope for the future. again, thanks a lot!

[JGF25]

I remember you suffering earlier from this and that you had been on Paxil.  Have you been back to the doctor to discuss whether or not this medication is working well for you?  If you are still struggling after 4 weeks, then I think it is either the wrong dose or the wrong medication altogether.  
I think that is the best starting point.

In the mean time the other thing that you have to remember is to fall back on past experiences.  You beat the "harming" irrational thought so you have to know you can beat these as well.  I have had all the thoughts you have had.  They are scary but deep down you know you are not that person.  You have to remember that any way you can.  Use the self-coaching, motivate yourself to get rid of these thoughts.  

Lastly, a lot of the medications used for OCD do have the side affect of lowering the sex drive.  It was not something I was willing to live with so I went looking for a medication that had the least side affects in this regard.  Wellbutrin is what I have settled on and it does not affect my sex drive at all and it takes care of my OCD to the point I am happy.  Just a thought to bring up with your doctor when you do revisit him/her.

Take care.