thanks for all your help i will seriously consider a psychologist :)
Since you were not eating properly, I think you are right and that these things are going hand-in-hand and it is a control issue. If you don't already have a psychologist, then please think about finding one. Take care of yourself...we only get one body and you are young with a whole life ahead of you :)
hi thanks thats really helpful. this all started after i recovered from starving myself for about 4 months, i think it may be a control issue.
Hi and Welcome to the OCD forum.
Ordering things is a compulsion that some people with OCD have. Do you have OCD.....well I'm not qualified to say. Do you have control issues with other things in your life? This could just be the beginning or it could be the only thing that ever bothers you.
With something like this, since you are posting, I'm assuming you are bothered by this compulsion. If you want help with it, then a good starting point would be to seek out a psychologist who can teach you cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). So for instance, you would pick a night where you didn't order your food a certain way on the plate. If this causes anxiety, then this is where the CBT comes in and gives you ways to deal with the resulting anxiety.
Hopefully this has helped you. Post again if you have any other questions.