Compulsively worried about HIV

[nervouswreck158]

Hi everyone,
I am so happy to have found this forum and am hoping that i can find some people  that can understand what i am going through and perhaps offer some advice.  I few weeks ago I did something really stupid and kissed someone who ihad just met after having too many drinks at a bar.  I am in a realtionship and very happy and immediately the next day weh i realized what i had done was consumed by feelings that i had contracted HIV from this encounter. I began searching the internet which onlu added to my fears as I found a lot of conflicting evidence and I became even more convinced that i was infected and feeling so guilty knowing that i would only have myself to blame for having such a stupid and selfish indiscretion.  I began seeing my therapist again (I have gone through some depression and anxiety issues in the past) and she took a tough approach with me which worked temporarily but now the thoughts have begun to creep back in and now my therapist is away on vacation and I just don't know where to turn.  This occured a little over 3 weeks ago and I knwo that I have to wait at least 3 more weeks for a reliable test but I have hardly had a moments peace over tha last 3 weeks and I really would like to avoid feeling the ame way for the next 3.  Additinally (and I'm sorry to go on and on) my therapist recommended against my going for another HIV test saying that it would only feed into my OCD.  Any thoughts on this.

Thanks so much for any insight that can be provided.    

[sarah_b]

hey there, i'm exactly the same, had a situation which im still going through and im convinced i have somnething. I cannot eat sleep, however all these people are right, its the OCD and i know its hard to fight the feelings you just want to hide, im waiting anxiously for a 3 week HIV test and its killing me! i honestly lookn to the worst case scenario and im imagining the responce over and over its just not good. You cannot get HIV from kissing! However that being said you will proberly get tested for piece of mind, get tested at 6 weeks and thats it! remember you were not at risk and it will be negative stay happy

[jman81]

once again, u have to tell urself this is the ocd making u think this way. what are the odds that he had bleeding gums? as a matter fact, odds are he doesnt even have aids. an open wound would be a cut or gash that is bleeding, not a pimple. youre fine. this is just how ocd makes u think

[nervouswreck158]

Thanks so much to all of you for your responses.  One of the things that makes me continue to panic about this is that it;s sometimes hard to interpret what is meant by certain descriptions of what is risky.  Do any of you know what an "open wound" would imply.  I had a small pimple near my upper lip that I had popped about 12 hours prior to the incident (sorry to gross anyone out) which i am pretty sure came into contact with his saliva when he kissed and what if he had bleeding gums, would that constitute us both having open wounds?

[KeepingHope]

The possiblity is very VERY small that you have HIV from this kiss. You would have had to have an open wound and so would he , at the time of the kiss(even then it would still be a small chance). You have to tell yourself that its in your head and its the OCD talking. Just push away these thoughts and fight them, because worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome one bit. Worrying is only going to upset you.

[jman81]

well u have to realize that its ocd thats making u feel this way, u have to tell ur self. i have obsessive compulsive disorder, and this is why i stress over having aids, i dont really have it. and i heard the ways of catching aids are having sex and being exposed to the blood thats infected, not kissing.

[brittnee424]

Hi Nervouswreck,
I think your OCD stems from you feeling guilty in this situation.  I have the same fear as you do and I believe it stem from me cheating on my boyfriend years ago.  You will not get HIV from kissing someone at the bar.  HIV is not transferred through kissing, but I know you know this.  I believe you should tell your significant other the situation.  You might be worried how he/she will respond, but I think it will help you feel a lot better.

I hope that helps,
Brittnee