fear of HIV

[salahito]

Dear Colleages,
I suffer from HIV ocd for about 20 years now. Medication given by psychiatrists only showed modest improvement. I would like to take up grappling as a sport for fun but due to my phobias I am afraid I grapple with someone with hiv and get exposed to his blood. Likewise I would like to donate blood as I am a rare blood type but I worry about contracting hiv during donation which I realise is impossible.
I  am wondering if as a way  of challenging my fears should I go ahead and grapple/donate blood or would this create more anxiety superimposed on the anxiety I am having.
I quit taking treatment and going to psychiatrists due to just being fed up.
Warm regards

[salahito]

Thank you!!!

[JGF25]

Okay, then don't put yourself in a situation where you will get cuts and abrasions.  But do put yourself in the situation of giving blood.  That is never going to hurt you and you will be helping three people with every donation and on top of that you will feel good about yourself!  

[salahito]

Thanks a lot JGF25 for your reply. Yes grappling is similar to wrestling . It is unovaidable that during the heat of the sport abrasions and cuts happen, I guess similar to any other contact sport. Players are not tested over here as we go to a private gym and not a professional setup.
Its the fact that theoretically blood can contact my skin thats really worrying me. Plus the OCD is not really helping!!!
Thanks for your advice though, I really appreciate you sharing some of your experiences with me.

Regards

[JGF25]

I can only speak for my own self but I try not to avoid.  I had HIV Anxiety as well at one point and I ended up sitting in an AIDS clinic waiting room on my lunch hour for several weeks to help get over it.  

We cannot control everything in our lives.  The sooner a person with OCD gets that into their head the better.  I don't avoid situations.  I give blood all the time and of course I'm HIV negative.  You are right in that you cannot get HIV from donating blood.  The pro sports all test their players for HIV.  I'm not sure what grappling is...a form of wrestling?  If so, that goes on in high schools and colleges across the country.  

As far as the meds go....modest improvement is better than no improvement.  Maybe it was the medication.  Each one works differently for each person.  Sometimes you need to try a few before you find one that works well for you.