Caregiver's Dilemma

[onthemendmomma]

This is a short  article and sidebar I wrote over a year ago when I was still "the healthy one" and taking care of my chronically ill mother.....how things have shifted in a year....



The Caregiver's Dilemma
The Problem

              The National Institute of Health Defines caregivers as "people who take care of other adults, often parents or spouses, or children with special medical needs". Those of us who are caregivers know that our duties as a caregiver often include but are not limited to: housekeeping, food shopping, giving medicine, taking care of medical appointments and other activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing and managing medication management.


            When the loved one you are caring for has a mental illness the stress of the job is intensified  by the frustration of the resistance of the person you are trying to help. Rather than being thanked your help may be met by hostility. This frustration can be compounded by the seemingly unending task at hand: "There is no cure for Dad's Alzheimer's and I am just going to keep this routine  forever".  Before long exhaustion takes it's toll and warning signs begin to surface. Signs such as health problems, sleeplessness, anxiety or depression can set in due to the seemingly never ending demands and concerns.

The Warning Signs  Knowing your own warning signs of caregiver stress you can manage your own wellbeing and nourish yourself to avoid burnout.Warning signs can include:

Minimizing your own needs

Anger at yourself or the person with the illness

Social Withdrawal like giving up hobbies or favorite activities

Anxiety about the future and your ability to continue to provide care

Depression such as hopelessness

Exhaustion
Health Problems
Sleeplessness

Lack of Concentration
The Solutions

          Caregivers have to water the seeds of health in themselves by doing those things that affirm them as individuals. Caregivers are more than a sum of the tasks they perform for others. Displaying a Caregiver's Bill of Rights is a great visual reminder for the overworked caregiver. Some Caregivers may even want to write their own "Bill of Rights". Many organizations and individuals have published a Caregiver's Bill of  Rights. Displaying  these Caregiver's Rights  give the Caregiver permission to tend to their own needs  in a proactive way.  My favorite Caregiver's Bill of Rights  comes from a 1992 publication called "Stroke Survivors" by Burquist and Kobylinski. It is as follows:


Caregiver's Bill of Rights

I have the right to make mistakes and be imperfect


I have the right to forgive myself and begin anew


I have the right to say no and not feel guilty or selfish


I have the right to relax


I have the right to let go of yesterday and embrace today



I have the right to enlist the cooperation of my family


I have the right to laugh and be happy



I have the right to arrange my own priorities


I have the right to take time for myself


I have the right to have my needs considered important to others


I have the right to be free and do special things for myself


I have the right to take time off even if it costs money


I have the right to take charge


I have the right to make decisions when other family members refuse to participate


I have the right to be self-preserving so that I can care for others

[ireneo]

Oh dear. You made me cry and I have to head to work. Thank you for sharing that. I struggle with the "rights", particularly the guilt/selfishness and taking time for myself which only triggers more guilt. I will print this out and hang it by my computer for encouragement.

[Ramsay14]

Thank you for such an informing article.  I'm going to show this to my husband.  He will not take a break!  He says when I get a break, he'll take a break.  It is a lovely sentiment, and I love him for it, but I worry about him getting sick himself.