Drowning in self-pity

[fabmom4]

I don't really have a question...well, I have lots, but I am too tired to concentrate.  Just feeling a bit of self-pity.  Why me?  After reading so many of your experiences, I can't help but feel a bit intimidated by the whole thing.  My heart tells me things will turn out okay; God will take care of me, but my head is running every scenario imaginable.  What if I need surgery?  What if recovery takes too long?  How will my family handle it?  What if, what if, what if??  What cure is there for the emotional roller coaster I am on because, honestly, I think this part is worse then the physical storm brewing inside.

[fabmom4]

Thanks Mickey!  Your words are well-received!  I am so fortunate to have someone understand my "pity", but also remind me of who I really am.  Thank you :)

[MickeyVicki]

Uh, uh, honey, you are not supposed to be drowning in your self-pity -- woman, you are supposed to be bathing luxuriously in it!!  I don't care what the religion/culture/ethnicity/county is, women from birth are raised to be the nurturers of the family, the "home keepers" of the community, and are unconsciously urged to do so at a cost to themselves.  When we women have a pity-party it is darn near the only time that we are focused on ourselves!!  

Now, what to do with the enegery generated by this self-pity...get ready for the surgery.  And be certain to do something for YOU.  Do what you can to help your family prepare for your surgery and recovery, then relax with the knowledge that they have watched you handle most everything for years, and they are bound to have learned something.  If not, well,  then it is time to let them learn!

As for the "why me?" thoughts, I had that thought, but only once.    I considered it deeply, late one night.  When I had truly considered it, I realized... why not me.  I am so blessed as to live in a world where I have access to talented doctors, caring nurses, and the best medical knowledge  in the history of mankind...  I have a caring family... wonderful friends...  and all of this topped by a profound belief in God...  and I realized it was best that it was me, and not some poor woman who has never had the blessings  and comforts that I can so easily take for granted, and who would never even be able to imagine the medical attention that I would recieve.  Yes, when I considered it all, I was GLAD that it was me.   It was an empowering realization.

[Hazel30]

Someone told me that your mind is your worse enemy.  Dont give in to those "what ifs"?  Trust me I know what your going through.  Ive been there 6 weeks ago after my Mom had a TAH, yes the recovery takes time and rest and not too much activity.  Your bed will be your best friend, BUT look forward to the future of full recovery, being healthy and enjoying your life.  I used to think many different senerios like you, but like I said your mind is your worse enemy and I will not let it take over me.  Ever since then, after believing it, all I do is think positive and cant wait until my Moms treatment is successfully over and begin a new healthy and happy lifestyle because after all its like being reborn again going through what you brave women go through.  Stay strong and believe that everything will be OK.

[Gatsby]

Mary, I couldn't have said it better! (no really, I couldn't).  I too believe that our "instinct" is actually the Holy Spirit guiding us (not forcing) to the place we need to be.  Go with that feeling!  I am praying for you and know that we will be here when you are on the RS.  And if you just need and ear to listen or shoulder to cry on, feel free.  Godspeed!
~Tascha

[toothfairyp]

You are so right, fear is not from GOD. Keep the faith! We are all here for you. This was not a coincidence.

[fabmom4]

Thanks Ladies!  I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I just need to vent to someone who understands.  I don't complain much, especially to those close to me because they just don't understand the aches and pains, and I don't want them to worry.  I am glad I can do that here.  Someone told me once that if you hear something more than once, it is the Holy Spirit talking, so maybe that is what is happening here.  I always tell my kids "fear" is not from God, so thanks to all of you for keeping me in check :)  It was not a coincidence to find this place!

[Moosiebjm]

Hi Mom.  Been there friend.  But you are right to give it to God as best you can.  I don't know your faith, but I know mine.  We are not to worry, period, but that is so much more easily said than done.  We're human afterall.  But scripture is very wise.  Not one of us gains another minute of life by worrying - but we still do it!!!!  :)

Take care, love, hugs and God bless, Barb

[lawyermom]

Here is a good saying, "Worrying is like a rocking chair.  It's a lot of hard work and gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere."  I have just been trying to keep myself busy...and when my mind does wander to the what if's, I come to this board and see how many strong women there are out there who are handling it.  I also trust that everything will work out in the end.

[ronie]

I know that it is hard, but just try to be strong. I felt the same way b/f I had surgery. My surgery will be 5 weeks tomorrow, and I am still having problems. I keep thinking that something else is wrong that my surgery did not fix. I am so afraid that, I may have to have more surgery, but like you said in your thread, God will take care of you. I will be praying for  you and all the other women. I hope that I don't sound selfish, by replying to your thread to talk about myself. Just try to keep the faith and you and your family will be fine.