For those mums with daughters with OVCA

[Ang80]

My mum is 58, OVCA stage 3 March 2005, reoccurred Nov 2007. My nan (mums mum) is 82 and she has really changed since mum was ill.
When mum was first ill my nan never wanted to spend long at the hospital with her. She kept saying 'everything will be ok' the day mum had her operations my nan didn't want to see her at the hospital and didn't come up until 2-3 days after the ops.
But the last 6 months or so since mum finished her second lot of chemo she has changed even more. During the chemo she never offered to go and sit with mum even though the chemo was all day. She has never offered to go to Dr's appts or anything and refuses to talk about OVCA. She constantly goes through magazines and reads about cancer and will cut the articles out and give them to mum. When mum starts talking about her illness my nan interrupts and says 'why do we have to talk about it'. Mum has given up driving as she has severe pins and needles in her feet but my nan won't accept this and says other people with cancer drive.
I am not sure what to do as its really upsetting my mum. My nan is so argumentative as well and keeps saying 'your treatment was over 6 months ago your ok now'.
If anyone can shed any light onto why she is being this way, it would help us so much.

Thanks

[crecco]

My sisters attitude towards me sounds very similar. I decided awhile back that she was in denial about the whole thing and I found I was right. I got a chance to talk to her about it, but it really did not make much of a difference. I guess that they will come around when they are ready. My only worries were that it does not happen when it is too late as I do not want her living with a lot of regret later. All that we can do is try to talk to them when the time seems right. The rest will have to come from them.
   Chris

[silver&gold]

Hi,

It sounds a bit like your nan is in denial about your mums illness, by not spending much time around your mum makes it somehow not real. I think that your nan yearns for things to be as they were , it is sometimes harder for elderly people to accept changes , sometimes it makes them feel frightened and insecure . I can imagine how upsetting this is for your mum and I don,t really know of a solution except someone in the family sitting down and chatting to your nan and explaining how hurt your mum is understandably feeling . Im so sorry that you are going through all of this and I hope things get better for your mum.

Take care  Angie

[Kimchi]

In my cancer support group, we have many people whose family members are not dealing with their cancer and seem to be in denial and not supportive at all. It is difficult for them to accept that a love one is going through this battle.  Maybe your Nan is from the school of Fort Knox where she has to be the strong one and make things sound like they are not as bad as they seem.  This might be her way of dealing with it.  
i have a similar situation with my sister...she never talks about my cancer with me yet she will send me emails about cancer related topics.  I am not angry with her but I am sad that she has chosen to deal with my health issue this way.