How do you cope?

[ireneo]

I'm not even in your shoes yet I'm getting so tired of all this. I avoid doctor visits as much as possible and yet since October that's all I've done is see doctors, get one test after another, get emails and random phone calls from them. And still, my surgery isn't for another 5 weeks. I find myself walking around in a fog, with a headache every day. I force myself to stay busy, even going to the gym almost every day which isn't something I enjoy. I thought it would help ease some of the stress. I'm trying my hand at quilting, something new for me. But I'm so tired of all this stuff. You ever see a cake that's fallen in the middle? That's how I feel - plop! I have another week to go with the heart monitor. I want to rip it off and mail it back - say, "You already know what's going on in there, Get over it!"

Then comes the sneaky, not-so-cheerful thought: what if the cyst isn't benign? What if I have more weeks and months of dealing with doctors? I'm not an anxious person by nature but that just gives me the creepy crawlies. Can you tell I'm not having a good day? What do you do - just hang on by your fingernails during a bad day and wait for the next day? I feel like such a whiney brat but I also feel ready to pop. Bleeccchhhh.

[Fiveft4]

Hey there :-) We returned Wednesday night from a vacation in Mexico and it was COLD! We awoke to snow on Thursday morning and we each said it was nice to be home. We flew in to Cancun, stayed a couple days and then rented a car and drove across the northern Yucatan peninsula to Valladolid and Merida. Talk about crazy traffic! We found ourselves being thankful for the traffic we have here!

I'm glad to hear you're having a better day today :-) It really is true when they say, "What a difference a day makes". It is cold out there and sounds like we'll be getting more of the same for awhile. I can handle the cold, just as long as there isn't moisture with it!

Do you have a good support base lined up for when you're in the hospital and after you come home?

I am doing well and am actually looking forward to getting back to work and being fully functional again. I hope your recovery is swift and uneventful.

Take care and enjoy the day!

Sharon

[ireneo]

Hi, I've been thinking of you, wondering how you've been lately. It's good to hear from you.

I didn't have the option of moving up the date. In Dec. the gyno told me she was booked up for Jan. and it would probably be scheduled for Feb. Plus they're doing all these heart tests so there are no surprises when I go in and under anesthesia. I haven't had a real surgery since oh,  1972 or 3. I guess I've changed a bit since then. I have another week or so of this month-long heart monitor, then 2 pre-surgical visits to get through. Then I'll be ready for the surgery. What a long haul this has been.

I'm doing much better today. The weather's pretty cold and dreary as you know. We had plenty of snow on Thursday out in Gresham, nothing mentioned on TV about it. Oh, I'll be at Sunnyside for the surgery. I'm so glad you're doing so well. I'm going to follow in your footsteps :-)  

[Fiveft4]

Hi there :-) The waiting does drive a person crazy...I think that's why I opted to just have the surgery instead of doing the 3 month monitor routine...I just couldn't stand the thought of wondering if this would be the month when the cysts changed and I would have to have surgery. I did it on my terms and my timing - and it made me feel some sense of control.

I'm heading back to work on Tuesday...and I'm feeling better than I have in a long time! It won't  be long before you're saying the same, ireneo :-) This is only a season...and it will pass and another will come. You've done all you can - the surgery date is set and with that all your current questions and fears will be answered. We each know well how it feels to have that nagging little voice in the back of your mind that says, "...what if this is cancer?" It's a scary thought...and that's why I chose to have surgery sooner than later - I knew I would not be comfortable for very long living in that unknown "gray" zone. I needed to know once and for all.

Take care of yourself. Keep me posted on your surgery - I'm right here in Oregon and will do anything I can to help. Just let me know. What hospital are you having your surgery at?

As for your post title, "how do you cope?"  Well...sometimes we do, sometimes we don't! BUT, we do get through it :-)

Take care and talk to you soon,

Sharon

[hatgal]

Hey, hey; don't feel bad for venting and whining here - this is our release forum (and information, experiences, advice, etc.).  That's all I do lately is whine and I'm even tired of listening to me whine - now that's bad (LOL)!  

I guess I can say that my kids and house and sleeping keep me busy until Feb. 6 when I lose it all.  Although I'm in extreme pain, I have chores to do, kids to raise and none of this goes away because I feel sick.  So I will consider myself lucky next to you that I have all of that to pass the time.

As the others said, and as I just said, keeping yourself busy is key; I'm not so uptight about my pending surgery and the waiting because of my daily routine.  So continue with what keeps you busy and surround yourself with the positive!  It will come and both of us will be fine - right?

My very best to you and vent whenever  you want as we're all here!!  Elizabeth

[Helmar]

Hello...I guess the waiting to see where you are at, is probably sending you 'up the creek' as we say here.... but Heaven forbid, if you do have a malignent tumour, then that 'down' feeling will/should turn into a feeling of wanting to fight this ovca beast, and win. It's more or less a whole new ball-game once dx is made. In my case, I just dug in my heels, and wanted to get on with whatever it took to get rid of the cancer. I think my mental attitude has helped me thus far. Hopefully your problem is only a small one, and not cancer, so then you can relax and get on with your life happily.
Wishing you all the best.....hugs..Helen..

[ireneo]

Thank you for your patience. I think/hope it's just a bad day. I do remember the waiting for the first catheter ablation on my heart. I was so wound up about it. The next 2 times I wasn't nervous, just ho-hum, let's get this over with. This surgery will be the first time I lose a body part. I have my appendix, gall bladder, even all my wisdom teeth. I won't miss my ovary; it's all done anyway. But pushing things around in there and going chop, chop is kind of scary. At least they know what they're doing.

I'm heading to the shower - warm water, scented cream afterwards, fuzzy bathrobe. Hmm, sounds nice. Tomorrow I'll be working with my feathered and furry friends. That's always a plus. And the other volunteers are a real pick-me-up. Yep, a better day ahead. Thanks again for allowing me to be baby for a  day. :-)

[gah_70]

I'm having a whiny day, too, but you know what?  It is certainly fine to do that!  The wait and see game makes you stronger, but you have to let yourself whine, *****, and moan every now and then or the top of your head would eventually pop off.  I'm sorry you are having to wait so long for this to all be over and done with.  I wish I had words of wisdom for you on what would take your mind off it, but short of sleeping all the time, it's always going to be there.  But, like the others said, keeping yourself busy is a good start.  Find a good book, or concentrate on the quilting (love that idea, by the way!).  You could also find something to pamper yourself with.  Get a pedicure, or a massage, or anything that relaxes you.  We ladies deserve that!  Leave the dirty dishes in the sink, and call a friend to go out for lunch.  The dishes won't be any dirtier when you get home, and you'll have the satisfaction of doing something just for you.  

Now I think I'll take my own advice and do my nails!  

Gail

[Jan214]

You don't have to apologize for being whiney.  We all have our days.  It is especially hard when you are waiting to find out something.  I was more anxious waiting for surgery than I am now with my first recurrence.  The not knowing will drive you nuts.  Yes, you just suck up the bad days and hope the next one is better.  It is good that you are still active even if you have to force yourself.  Taking up a new hobbie is a great idea and quilting can be very relaxing.  
I understand the cake falling in the middle analogy and it is very appropriate.  It describes that feeling exactly.  
Try to remember that most cysts are benign.  You should try to do some yoga in addition to going to the gym.  Try putting on some new age music and doing the yoga and relaxing.  There are numerous things you can do to get a little inner calm.
Take care of yourself and remember that worry and stress do nothing to change the situation except to make it worse.
Kindest Regards,
Jan

[crecco]

  How well I know. The waiting game is not an easy one to play. I was also like you and used to put off Dr visits because I just didn't like to go. But now those Dr visits are just part of like. Sometimes I just get so sick and tired of going to the Dr, but there is not much that I can do about it so I just go and be done with it.
  Yes it sounds like you are just having a bad day, we all do, even with out having cancer. But what you are doing is the best thing that you can do. Try to stay busy so your mind does't have time to wander back to those thoughts. I was told a long time ago to just take it one day at a time, and I still consider that good advice. Today may be a yucky day, but tomorrow is a new and different day. Just try not to let the up coming surgery and what may or may not be, consume all of you. It will do you no good to continuously sit and worry about it. Stay busy as you have been and know that we are here if you need us. Take care, Love, Chris