I am numb

[Jane39]

I am going to ramble here for a bit so please forgive me.  About 6 months ago I was feeling quilty that I had put this cancer behind me and was confident that I was in the clear, being a Stage 1A, but clear cell histology, with 6 cycles of chemo all projected to be behind me,  but for the past month + I've had this gnawing feeling that something wasn't right.  I've had mild twangs on my right side and some bloating.  I stepped up my appt with my gyn/oncologist, exam, pap all normal, my ca125 at the end of June was 5.9, he wanted me to step up my pet/ct scan in which I had yesterday.  My nightmare started when the nurse called about an hour after I got back into my office.  She was dancing around everything but needed me to go back in and get a dedicated CT and another CA125.  I started sweating and literally thought I was going to pass out.  Long and short of it, I have a 2.68 cm x 2.68 cm nodal mass behind my stomach, that had FDG uptake on the PET, and was confirmed to actual tumor on the designated CT.  They will biopsy it to confirm that it is ovarian tumor, but they are confident that it is, and I guess they will remove it and then Chemo again.  They expect me to respond well, as I did the first time to get a 4 1/2 yr remission.  I truly believed that it was never coming back, so as I am sure some of you may know, how devasted I was to get this news.
I hate this cancer.  I have never cried so much in the past 18 hours.  I know I can do this, the surgery and the chemo, but ~~~~~what can I say, I am truly numb at this point.
Jane

[Aglaia]

Hi Jane -

I just came upon your original post.  I really don't know what to say, but please know that I will be praying for you!  By now you'll have had your surgery, and I wish you nothing but a healthy, speedy recovery!  Stay strong, because you can do this.

Aglaia

[ireneo]

You"re on my calendar. Will be praying from now until you write back. hugs

[marie3B]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope everything goes well and recovery is easy for you.  Marie

[Jane39]

Thanks again for all the support.  It truly means alot to me.  I just got the confirmation (like I didn't know all ready), but this mass is positive for clear cell, so I have officially "re-occurred".  Surgery is on Wednesday at 8:30am.  I am nervous, but I am ready.  I just now need to finish getting my house and my office together.  I will be thankful for any prayers anyone wants to say on my behalf.  
I will check back with you all after I am home and recover a bit.  Thanks again ladies.  You are all wonderful.   Jane

[OCFB]

You beat it once, Jane, you can beat it again.  There are so many of us that have had recurrences and we're still here, so set your mind to it.  I'm thinking of you...
Linda

[Flicka0459]

Jane,

I can't imagine what is going through your head right now, but you have a great attitude and I KNOW YOU CAN BEAT THIS AWFUL UGLY DISEASE!  I'll pray a rosary for you to have the strength to do this and you can always count on us for support.  Lisa