IMO - You have to make arrangements and accompany her. She is terrified and your dad will need your support. That said from someone who does not know any of you but is in a similar boat.
You have not said how old you are, your mother is trying to shield you from a terrifing experience, a definite diagnosis cannot be made until the surgery,, you need to tell her your feelings, how you feel that she has always been there for you and that since you love her , you want to be by her side now, it will help your father also, research and find out all you can about OVCA, know what to expect and be prepared to help her recover from the surgery and what comes after, do not load her down with too much info at one time, tell her that her family is with her and will be there for her all along the way. If it indeed OVCA there is a long road to travel and a positive attitude goes along way in helping . Be strong and keep us posted and we will be here for you. Marty
Sounds like my Dad. I'll be fine, don't worry, you don't need to be there. And that was OK with me when it was knee surgery. When it was cancer surgery, I told him you don't have to see me before or after, but I'm going to be there with Mom during the surgery. She might need some support. Oh. OK. Hadn't thought of that.
On the other hand: I had a selfish reaction when I was going in for surgery. I didn't want to think about it beforehand; I didn't want drama; I didn't want to break down; I wanted to keep it together. What I didn't want was to have to be supportive of my husband/kids and their fears/emotions when it was about me. For once, it was about me. Getting through the surgery was my job, and I wanted to do it my way.
In the end, she's probably just being Mom. Trying to protect you from life. Talk it over with her. But don't forget to listen to her.
I'm sorry I didn't post my age. I'm 39 years old. I recently heard from my mother that she has stage three. Her and my father went to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore with the hopes of having the tumor removed, but the Doctors there decided to give her three rounds of Chemo before doing any type of surgery because she wasn't a good candidate right now. The tumor is the size of a golf ball and they are hoping that the chemo shrinks the tumor and she will be in better health for the removal. From everything I am reading, Stage 3 is pretty far advanced and I am afraid about the future prognosis. She is keeping me in the loop but sometimes I feel like she is keeping something back from me. I try to ask her gently what is going on, but every time I do she gets aggravated with me and feels like I am attacking her. I want to be there for her every step of the way but it seems like she wants me to just back off. I could really use some advice. Thanks!
I went thru this with my mom when I was a teenager and and the last 2 years with my sister. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or just to vent. I'm a nurse also.