Ovarian Cancer Community
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Avatar universal

I'm Scared! My Mother has Ovarian Cancer

I'm hoping someone can help me here.  My mother was recently diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  Two weeks ago out of the blue she started throwing up.  It got to the point where she had to be hospitalized because she's a Diabetic and she got dehydrated.  After the hospital performed numerous tests, an ovarian tumor was detected.  Her doctor performed the CA125 test and it was positive for Ovarian Cancer.  In fact, her count was in the 800's.  When her doctor told my family this, we were shocked to say the least.  I thought maybe she had kidney problems, but cancer?  Not my mom.  Well my mother decided she wasn't going to take this lying down and her and my father are going to fly from our home in Florida to Baltimore, Maryland to have her surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital.  She is adamant that my brother and I remain in Florida.  I'm having a hard time dealing with this because my mother has always been there for me and she now doesn't even want me near her.  In April, I had a breast cancer scare when my Gyno found microcalcifications in my Mammo (in fact I posted alot on the Breast Cancer forum).  It turned out to be nothing but my mother was there for me.  Now she is going through this and she keeps pushing me away!  I am having a hard time dealing with this and don't know what to do!

Any help would be appreciated!  Thanks!
5 Responses
523728 tn?1264621521
IMO - You have to make arrangements and accompany her.  She is terrified and your dad will need your support.  That said from someone who does not know any of you but is in a similar boat.
167426 tn?1254086235
You have not said how old you are, your mother is trying to shield you from a terrifing experience, a definite diagnosis cannot be made until  the surgery,, you need to tell her your feelings, how you feel that she has always been there for you and that since you love her , you want to be by her side now, it will help your father also, research and find out all you can about OVCA, know what to expect  and be prepared to help her recover from the surgery and what comes after, do not load her down with too much info at one time, tell her that  her family is with her and will be there for her all along the way. If it indeed OVCA there is a long road to travel and a positive attitude goes along way in helping . Be strong and keep us posted and we will be here for you.  Marty
Avatar universal
Sounds like my Dad.  I'll be fine, don't worry, you don't need to be there.  And that was OK with me when it was knee surgery.  When it was cancer surgery, I told him you don't have to see me before or after, but I'm going to be there with Mom during the surgery.  She might need some support.  Oh.  OK.  Hadn't thought of that.

On the other hand:  I had a selfish reaction when I was going in for surgery.  I didn't want to think about it beforehand;  I didn't want drama;  I didn't want to break down;  I wanted to keep it together.  What I didn't want was to have to be supportive of my husband/kids and their fears/emotions when it was about me.  For once, it was about me.  Getting through the surgery was my job, and I wanted to do it my way.  

In the end, she's probably just being Mom.  Trying to protect you from life.  Talk it over with her.  But don't forget to listen to her.  

Avatar universal
I'm sorry I didn't post my age.  I'm 39 years old.  I recently heard from my mother that she has stage three.  Her and my father went to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore with the hopes of having the tumor removed, but the Doctors there decided to give her three rounds of Chemo before doing any type of surgery because she wasn't a good candidate right now.  The tumor is the size of a golf ball and they are hoping that the chemo shrinks the tumor and she will be in better health for the removal.  From everything I am reading, Stage 3 is pretty far advanced and I am afraid about the future prognosis.  She is keeping me in the loop but sometimes I feel like she is keeping something back from me.  I try to ask her gently what is going on, but every time I do she gets aggravated with me and feels like I am attacking her.  I want to be there for her every step of the way but it seems like she wants me to just back off.  I could really use some advice.  Thanks!
Avatar universal
I went thru this with my mom when I was a teenager and and the last 2 years with my sister.  Please feel free to contact me with any questions or just to vent.  I'm a nurse also.
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