Jan

[cirella]

Hi All,
I started this this AM and have updated it.  I decided to just leave it the way I wrote it originally and you'll see the edit.
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Whew boy...I don't really post too much anymore and it is killing me to come here now to post this.  I don't have a lot of information but will be speaking to Lisa later today.  Lisa told me that Hospice is setting Jan up today.  I am very scared and part of me wants to run and not find out the truth but that won't happen.  What I wanted to do today is ask that those of you who know Jan, will you please post some thoughts so that Lisa can give them to Jan?  I want her to know just how deeply she is loved and missed on this forum.  Thank you.  I will start.
**edit**  Lisa said that Hospice has set up a bed downstairs for Jan.  At this time, they are trying to get her pain regulated.  It sounds like she's either over medicated and sleeping or awake and in pain.  I really hope they can get that to a point where she can be as comfortable as can be without sleeping all the time.  It sounds as if she has a blockage of some sort.

All who know Jan knows that she is a fighter.  I know she is fighting her hardest right now and will continue to do so.  I want her to fight with all her might but I also want her to realize that it's OK if she just cannot fight any longer.  I pray that the Lord holds Jan and her family closely to him.  I pray that Jan feels the love and comfort of her Father.  Lord, I ask you to cast out fear if there is any and replace it with peace.  This is my prayer for Jan, her family and all of us.  I know that I am afraid, mad, sad.  I don't want to lose my friend but I also don't want her to be in pain any longer.  I'd better stop now but I could go on and on...**end edit**

My Dear Buddy, Jan,
I can hardly choke this out.  I feel that all through our friendship I have tried to think about anything but today.  I've wanted to give you a normal friendship, knowing that we met on an ovarian cancer site but still...   I came on here with questions, like anyone else.  I felt a little guilty for blabbering my stuff when there were women on here dealing with their cancer when I was in limbo-land.  You drew me out, got me talking and our friendship formed.

In the short time we've known each other there have been some kind of wild and strange things happen on this forum.  Some have hurt me as I am sure you have been affected by the fakes but the difference between us is that you see people in such a unique way.  Maybe that's the lawyer in you?  You have been able to come back here and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.  You see people for who they are and you certainly call em like you see em.  I LOVE that about you.  That quality is so child-like and pure and if we all took the time to really listen to our gut like you do it would sure as h*ll cut out a lot of the bull.  If I do answer a post I usually ask myself...what would Jan say to this person?  Then I temper it down a little...LOL  ; )   No, really though, you have a way of telling the truth even if it may not be what someone wants to hear.  It may not be what they want to hear but it may be what they need to hear.

I know for a fact that you have helped many women here.  The forum hasn't been the same since you've been gone.  So many of the "old timers" aren't around much.  We've lost too many to death and some have gone off to other forums.  I'm so very thankful that we have kept in touch and I'm mostly thankful that we got to meet last year.  To put your beautiful face and tiny body together with your ferocious, huge, loving, giving and honest heart was something I will treasure forever.  I remember I kept asking you if you were OK.  Finally you said, "Lori, you haven't been around a lot of cancer patients, have you?"  LOL  The answer was NO and I guess it showed.  LOL  Not sure why that makes me chuckle but it does.

You are one person who sees beauty around you.  You nurture.  You care.  You live and love.  And, I love you.
L

[Tybear]

I'm so, so sorry Lisa. I don't know what else to say.....
Please know that we're here if you or Cory or the girls need a shoulder to lean on...
My deepest condolences,
Love Becky

[Flicka0459]

I have type out what to say for the last half hour and I keep erasing it.  Because it just didn't sound right.  It's about 4:50 a.m. central time.  Jan has good to God's garden to tend to her favorite flowers.  I really want to scream, because I don't know what to say or do.  Jan passed at 12:30.  Cory and I had just gone to bed and the girls went outside to look at her flowers and the nurse went to prepare Jan's next shot.  And typical Jan, she didn't want anyone to experience the devastation of her last breath. The night nurse (Linda) called the Emergency RN (Lou Ann) to come and pronounce the TOD, which officially was 1:05a.m.  The funeral home was  contacted and they came to pick Jan up.  My sister Cindy finally went back to her hotel for some rest and Cory went up to bed about an hour ago.  The girls are getting ready for bed and I'm WIDE AWAKE.  I know I should get some rest but I think that I'm beyond sleep, so I'm cleaning. Don't tell my husband he might expect me to do that when I  get home.

Tomorrow Cory and I will go to the funeral home to finish up stuff and then he wants me to do a PowerPoint Slide presentation that they can show at church.  I'll send you all copies.  If I don't have your e-mail address already just send me a note here and I'll send it to you.  I don't know when the funeral is going to be.  I think maybe Saturday.  

Everyone is in bed now and I  just can't stop crying.  The really *****.  I wish you could have known Jan the way I did and I wish I could have know Jan the way you guy did.  Maybe one day we can compare notes.  

Kelley and Katie did ask me to tell you that Jan spoke of you guys often and how much each of you on the forum helped her.  They appreciate that you guys were there for their mother, when they couldn't be.

I don't think I can do this, people aren't suppose to die this young.  Jan's birthday is May 1st.  Maybe we can still have a virtual Birthday Party (53).

I'll keep you posted on further arrangements.

I love you guys,
Lisa

[TrudieC]

I just spoke with Lisa and she asked me to update everyone.  They have continued to up the pain killers and Jan's breathing is becoming labored and her BP is still lowering.  Lisa says she'd be very surprised if Jan doesn't leave us tonight.  She put the phone to Jan's ear and let me tell her how much I will love and miss her.  I'm shaking right now with sadness and am so glad to have been able to support Lisa in as small a way as I can.  

[JC145]

Lisa .. you have been Jan's angel on this forum.  These are all hard for the whole family.  May God bless you and the family.

Judy

[Flicka0459]

Dian

It's ok to say how you feel.  In fact, I think most of us feel the same way.  But we all need to say what's on our minds and I have enjoyed reading all the responses that have been given.  I have read a few to Jan and to my sister, Cindy and Jan's daughters.  Cory has read a few, but can't anymore.  It's just too hard for him.  So I just give him your good wishes and one day I will print all these off and give them to him.  

I'll keep you posted.

Lisa

[SimplyStar]

Thank You Dian, to me the most telling part of my daughters passing was the understanding, that came to all of us , as to just how much she had done in her time   6 months later I still hear it from her co workers and the people she cared for, It is a legacy  that many still live with and by. Yes, Jans legacy will live a long time also,  There are special people in this world and they have a deep impact on us,  death does not take that away.  We celebrated a life , well lived, at Leslees funeral, and we thanked God for sending her to us.