Aa
I'm going to complain...
So...if you're reading this...It's mostly just to whine and complain & I apologize that you are now "stuck" reading my tantrum. I am just so sick of my life being put on hold...I know this is just the beginning of this dreadful disease, and that many of you have been dealing much longer than I have been (which I give you all tons of credit for)...
Today is just a day where I am feeling sorry for my self. It kills me that I had to drop out of school for the time being I finished my 1st of 4 semesters for the Nursing Program & Now I believe when I can go back-- I have to start over. I haven't been to work since Dec 21st and most people act like I should embrace this break but I am actually one that LOVES my job & the people I work with. I was trying to be optimistic about working while doing chemo, but I don't really think its too safe considering that I work on a "dirty" or "infectious" unit in a hospital...I know in my heart that I should not chance it-- which kills me to make that decision.
I feel like I'm stuck in this house all the time... The highlight of my day was going to Walgreens to fill my prescriptions for chemo. I got to sit in the massage chair for 45 min! Woohoo!! :) Downside--- stupid prescription cost per round of chemo is about $200. Ugh!
If you've made it this far in my rant...I would like to thank you!
On a brighter side... I think I am as ready as I can be to start my Taxol/Carbo on Thrusday. The house is clean/organized, laundry is almost all finished, grocery shopping is done, I have a few appointments tomorrow to get out of the way, and I have all my meds. I don't know what else I can do to prepare for this journey that I'm about to start. I'm not scared of the actual treatment-- just terrified of the unknown. I wish I would know exactly how I will feel afterwards. I know what the possible symptoms are--but it's still scary to be so much "in the dark" about this whole process....
Today is just a day where I am feeling sorry for my self. It kills me that I had to drop out of school for the time being I finished my 1st of 4 semesters for the Nursing Program & Now I believe when I can go back-- I have to start over. I haven't been to work since Dec 21st and most people act like I should embrace this break but I am actually one that LOVES my job & the people I work with. I was trying to be optimistic about working while doing chemo, but I don't really think its too safe considering that I work on a "dirty" or "infectious" unit in a hospital...I know in my heart that I should not chance it-- which kills me to make that decision.
I feel like I'm stuck in this house all the time... The highlight of my day was going to Walgreens to fill my prescriptions for chemo. I got to sit in the massage chair for 45 min! Woohoo!! :) Downside--- stupid prescription cost per round of chemo is about $200. Ugh!
If you've made it this far in my rant...I would like to thank you!
On a brighter side... I think I am as ready as I can be to start my Taxol/Carbo on Thrusday. The house is clean/organized, laundry is almost all finished, grocery shopping is done, I have a few appointments tomorrow to get out of the way, and I have all my meds. I don't know what else I can do to prepare for this journey that I'm about to start. I'm not scared of the actual treatment-- just terrified of the unknown. I wish I would know exactly how I will feel afterwards. I know what the possible symptoms are--but it's still scary to be so much "in the dark" about this whole process....
also the wigs in the catalog from the cancer society are reasonable- and you can contact the american cancer society in your area they offer many services for people-i was surprised-doyou have some one to shop for you-? to get your meds' will the pharmacy deliver? do you have safeway in your area they will deliver grocery's
its all easy to say - now -after the taxol carbo- i just wanted to sit and be mindless and never thought i would say this but - just watched t.v every single episode of law and order that they ever made..... it started at 11 1m and your could find it on some channel til almost 3 am.scarey-
do you have food fixed - i had strange tastes for food- foods i hadn't had in years like egg salad sandwiches and i never drank milk so my husb made me malts - i had to gain weight- i had them give me antidepressants because i couldn't talk to any one with out crying- it helped a little for my desire to ever move off the couch............friends came to visit and were so kind but i could hardly deal with it-my mother in law got me a wig - thru the cancer catalog-- do you have a pick line or port?its difficult to bath with a pick line- and your veins tend to not do well once you start chemo so I V'S are hard to start-, the taxol had an effect on my bone marrow it hurt to walk but this was after 7 treatments and watch you blood tests- i needed transfusions after each treatment towards the 3rd week just before the next one- i do not want to scare you - your in the medical field and most likely know what to expect, all i can say that it might help you feel a little better about the treatments, it lowered my count to 14 it was in the 1200 when they started ,and there well come a day when it will be the last treatment,-
what happens after that -we are all waiting to find that out- ?best of luck-
your not alone send a message, i guess your finished with the first one - ask about vitamins etc.watch your platelets. stay away from blue cheese i was told,and salami- ? insaomia can be a side effect- ask for sleep meds if you need them,,
do you have food fixed - i had strange tastes for food- foods i hadn't had in years like egg salad sandwiches and i never drank milk so my husb made me malts - i had to gain weight- i had them give me antidepressants because i couldn't talk to any one with out crying- it helped a little for my desire to ever move off the couch............friends came to visit and were so kind but i could hardly deal with it-my mother in law got me a wig - thru the cancer catalog-- do you have a pick line or port?its difficult to bath with a pick line- and your veins tend to not do well once you start chemo so I V'S are hard to start-, the taxol had an effect on my bone marrow it hurt to walk but this was after 7 treatments and watch you blood tests- i needed transfusions after each treatment towards the 3rd week just before the next one- i do not want to scare you - your in the medical field and most likely know what to expect, all i can say that it might help you feel a little better about the treatments, it lowered my count to 14 it was in the 1200 when they started ,and there well come a day when it will be the last treatment,-
what happens after that -we are all waiting to find that out- ?best of luck-
your not alone send a message, i guess your finished with the first one - ask about vitamins etc.watch your platelets. stay away from blue cheese i was told,and salami- ? insaomia can be a side effect- ask for sleep meds if you need them,,
Good luck on the chemo. I had no nausea, big-time constipation a few days after the chemo, and, of course, hair loss. It probably won't be as bad as you fear.
It would help if you would add a little more to your profile so people will recognize you when you come back. (Cancer stage, for example, when diagnosed, and what chemo you're on -- updated as needed, of course.)
We're here every day, so keep in touch. Whining is allowed, and so is a sense of humor when your funnybone gets tickled.
It would help if you would add a little more to your profile so people will recognize you when you come back. (Cancer stage, for example, when diagnosed, and what chemo you're on -- updated as needed, of course.)
We're here every day, so keep in touch. Whining is allowed, and so is a sense of humor when your funnybone gets tickled.
Hi Kate,
I understand what you are saying and feeling, please come her to rant, or just discuss your chemo treatments. We're a group who've been through it and we'd like to give you support and information from our experiences with this disease.
I'm also so sick and tired of being sick and tired and thinking about cancer.
Hang in there, hopefully your chemo will giive you a long remission and you can get back to your life.
Take care,
Jane
I understand what you are saying and feeling, please come her to rant, or just discuss your chemo treatments. We're a group who've been through it and we'd like to give you support and information from our experiences with this disease.
I'm also so sick and tired of being sick and tired and thinking about cancer.
Hang in there, hopefully your chemo will giive you a long remission and you can get back to your life.
Take care,
Jane
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with Seawaves completely! Chemo is no fun, but that doesn't mean you have to let it get the best of you. It's harder to find the things that make you happy, but they are still there. So do your best to look for them and concentrate on the things in your life that are still good.
No, you probably would not want to chance working in an infectious unit while on chemo. But, if you really want to work, why don't you try asking your manager if there is something you can do in the meantime. Maybe there is some kind of desk work you can do part-time just to keep your mind busy. Many people will say you can't work while on chemo...and if you have a job that requires a lot of physical activity, that may be true. But I worked through it both times. I have a desk job, though, and coworkers who take care of me like family. There will be days you don't feel like leaving your bed, and hopefully most people will understand that. But don't let anyone tell you that you absolutely cannot work. I found I needed the distraction from everything else going on.
To help keep up with your schedule of good days/bad days, try adding the chemo tracker on here. It's simple to use, and will show the pattern of when you're likely to feel bad, so you know not to make plans for those days.
Seawaves also made a good point about the fear of the unknown...that the fear is the worst part because once you're in it, you just cope. That is true for many things, including the hair loss from Taxol. I found I dreaded it so much that after it happened, I was almost relieved. So, maybe in the interim, you can make plans for that...look for hats and scarves you like. Just remember once your hair is gone, regular hats from Walmart or whatever won't fit properly because they are made for people with hair. You can get by with them, though, if you wear a scarf underneath to help hold them on. There are several websites that offer hats for people with hair loss. The hats fit tighter and offer full coverage. I made that part into a game. I had so many people asking me to let them know if I needed anything. I decided if they really wanted to help, they could go to the website I gave them and order me a hat. They didn't have any instructions other than to pick out a hat they thought would best suit me. It was fun to watch the packages arrive daily with the hats people had chosen.
Everyone needs a good rant every now and then, so please come back as often as you need. We know how frustrating this can be, and understand the feelings you have better than anyone who hasn't gone through it can. Your family and those closest to you want to understand, but it takes someone in your shoes to fully comprehend things sometimes. Best wishes to you. Sounds like you are as prepared as you can be. I hope you do get to do something just for you today, and have a GREAT day!
Gail
No, you probably would not want to chance working in an infectious unit while on chemo. But, if you really want to work, why don't you try asking your manager if there is something you can do in the meantime. Maybe there is some kind of desk work you can do part-time just to keep your mind busy. Many people will say you can't work while on chemo...and if you have a job that requires a lot of physical activity, that may be true. But I worked through it both times. I have a desk job, though, and coworkers who take care of me like family. There will be days you don't feel like leaving your bed, and hopefully most people will understand that. But don't let anyone tell you that you absolutely cannot work. I found I needed the distraction from everything else going on.
To help keep up with your schedule of good days/bad days, try adding the chemo tracker on here. It's simple to use, and will show the pattern of when you're likely to feel bad, so you know not to make plans for those days.
Seawaves also made a good point about the fear of the unknown...that the fear is the worst part because once you're in it, you just cope. That is true for many things, including the hair loss from Taxol. I found I dreaded it so much that after it happened, I was almost relieved. So, maybe in the interim, you can make plans for that...look for hats and scarves you like. Just remember once your hair is gone, regular hats from Walmart or whatever won't fit properly because they are made for people with hair. You can get by with them, though, if you wear a scarf underneath to help hold them on. There are several websites that offer hats for people with hair loss. The hats fit tighter and offer full coverage. I made that part into a game. I had so many people asking me to let them know if I needed anything. I decided if they really wanted to help, they could go to the website I gave them and order me a hat. They didn't have any instructions other than to pick out a hat they thought would best suit me. It was fun to watch the packages arrive daily with the hats people had chosen.
Everyone needs a good rant every now and then, so please come back as often as you need. We know how frustrating this can be, and understand the feelings you have better than anyone who hasn't gone through it can. Your family and those closest to you want to understand, but it takes someone in your shoes to fully comprehend things sometimes. Best wishes to you. Sounds like you are as prepared as you can be. I hope you do get to do something just for you today, and have a GREAT day!
Gail
Yes a good rant helps sometimes clears the pent up frustrations.
Ok but if at all possible go have some fun today Call up a friend, anyone, go shopping, to a movie, bake a cake , walk in the park ,go for coffee even pick up the phone for a chat Anything you like make today a treat day for you.
I too found the worst part was the scary unknown of the day before because once you get started it just happens and you cope.
One piece of advice given to me at the time was to start writing a diary.
The best benefit of this is that each chemo cycle normally follows pretty much the same pattern for you as an individual so once you have got through the days immediately following your treatment you will have a good idea of what's ahead next time. This will allow you to plan some fun into the following cycles when you are most likely to have good days.
Also for my energy less days i would always visit the library before and stock up on a couple of audiobooks (a couple of novels and thrillers) these I found a great way to pass the time in the days i had zero energy as i could shut down everything and just listen.
And stock up on some icecream a little goes down easy and cheers most people up when you might not feel like eating much but know you have to to take the next batch of meds!
Best of Luck but go now and have some FUN today!
Ok but if at all possible go have some fun today Call up a friend, anyone, go shopping, to a movie, bake a cake , walk in the park ,go for coffee even pick up the phone for a chat Anything you like make today a treat day for you.
I too found the worst part was the scary unknown of the day before because once you get started it just happens and you cope.
One piece of advice given to me at the time was to start writing a diary.
The best benefit of this is that each chemo cycle normally follows pretty much the same pattern for you as an individual so once you have got through the days immediately following your treatment you will have a good idea of what's ahead next time. This will allow you to plan some fun into the following cycles when you are most likely to have good days.
Also for my energy less days i would always visit the library before and stock up on a couple of audiobooks (a couple of novels and thrillers) these I found a great way to pass the time in the days i had zero energy as i could shut down everything and just listen.
And stock up on some icecream a little goes down easy and cheers most people up when you might not feel like eating much but know you have to to take the next batch of meds!
Best of Luck but go now and have some FUN today!
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