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My mom needs advice

My mom is extremely depressed, and she couldn't stop crying tonight.  She's tired of the way she's feeling, and she can't seem to shake it.  She said so herself. What can she do???  My father and my neighbor(who's an LPN) both suggested she see a counselor, but she is sick of going out--especially to places where she doesn't want to go: mainly the hospital, either for doctor's appointments, her chemo, or to get her picc line flushed.  She can't leave the house without taking an Imodium, and worrying about being near a bathroom.  She needs emotional support. I don't know what to do for her anymore.  She doesn't want to see a counselor.  Do you ladies have any idea on how she can distract her mind?  Her hobby is mainly quilting, which she can't do anymore.  She can only sit up for so long.  She lays there in bed and reads most of the time.  It's not good for her to be in bed all the time.  On top of that, she's throwing up--you know, the "dry heaves."  She doesn't feel like eating.  

My mom knows I post on this board, and she wanted me to ask you ladies for advice on her behalf.  What can she do to distract her mind?  How do you ladies handle it?  

If her gyn/onc does her surgery soon, and all goes well,how long do you think she'd be on the chemo?   A year?  Two years?  The chemo nurses in the hospital are vague.  They just say that it "takes a while."  Well, how long is "a while" for the the average person?  I thank you ladies for any advice.
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Avatar universal
I asked a friend for advice on your post.  She said that your mother needs to speak to her doctor about possible medication to control her depression.  She also strongly advised counseling, but your mother does not want that assistance.  

My friend also said that your family needs counseling as well, and said that even if your mother is not ready for "hospice" type care,  the local hospice center could still direct you to someone qualified in this field.  When I read your post to my friend, she said that it reads like your mother knows what she needs to do, but does not wish to take these steps.  In other words, she is concerned that your mother has made a choice.    It is not uncommon for the severely ill to take such actions.  (Perhaps I should state that it is not uncommon for the severely ill to take such inaction.  I am sure that you understand what I am trying to express.)  Anyway, her point is that this attitude is actually harder on the loved ones watching this process than it is on the patient.   The patient is surrounded by a support system of doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, as well as by family, and so it is often that the family members themselves are the ones not getting the support they need.

I am sorry.  Having been a family caregiver, I understand what you are experiencing.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your advice!  My mom said she will really think about the counseling.  As for medication, she'll continue with the Ativan. (I was so distraught in my first post, I ran out of space, so I never had a chance to say she was taking that) That calms her down.  She had antidepressants given to her in the hospital when she had her first surgery in August of last year.  They didn't help, but the Ativan will.  

Do you think a big part of her problem is the fact she has to get drained again?  Her abdomen is really, really swollen.  She can't even walk that well because of the acsites. My mom will be getting drained again some time tomorrow morning.  She told me if she filled up HALF as much as she does now, she'll STILL feel better physically AND mentally.  Now that she's through crying, she told me she DOES feel better.  And she'll really consider the counseling.  Thursday morning she has an appointment with her gyn/onc. We'll see what she say has to say too.  They allow my father and I to come in the room as well, so we all hear first hand what the doctor has to say.

Thank you again for your advice and prayers!  I'm so glad I found this board.  It helps me, too.
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Avatar universal
Yes, the need for drainage causes two problems: the first is obvious in that the fluid needs to be removed.  It is pressing on her internal organs, stressing her body.  The other problem is that having the fluid removed is yet another procedure in a long line of procedures that she has endured, and there is 'no end in sight.'   The situation causes both physical and mental stress.

I am glad to know that she is taking lorazepam.  That should keep her from having panic attacks, thus promoting a more level emotional state (fewer severe ups and downs.)

Just be sure to take care of yourself, too.  I believe that you mentioned  your father as well in your post.
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Avatar universal
The only person in my family who isn't taking lorazepam is my brother.  He doesn't live here, so he's not exposed to the same amount stress as the rest of the family.  I wish I knew about lorazepam back in September, when my mom was in the hospital the first time.  I came home one night, and I had a pretty severe panic attack that came on out of nowhere.  Fortunately, it was only one time.   Anyway, I'll let you know how my mom is doing when she comes home tomorrow afternoon.
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