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135691 tn?1271097123

Need Support...

I need your support...I need your prayers. This is what I come here for. I get my CT scan results on Monday and I find out if the Avastin worked or not. I am so scared. What if it didn't work? What if it worked a little? What if my cancer has gotten worse? What do I do next? So many questions...no answers. The stress I'm feeling right now cannot be properly put into words. If this didn't work, it was a waste of money - to the tune of nearly $19,000.00. Do you know how lousy I'll feel if this did nothing? My parents money...my Aunt and Uncle who helped me...I'll feel like I failed them. I'm scared of what lies ahead...the unknown. You'd think after nearly three years of this, I'd be used to it by now....but it never get's any easier, does it?
Thanks in advance,
Becky
48 Responses
272338 tn?1252280404
You have all of my prayers and support that you need, and then some. Sounds like Mon will be the day. They are checking my CA Mon to see if it is working for me also.
  Hon your family loves you and I am sure they will do everything in their power to ensure you get the best treatment that you can. In no way should you feel like a failure. It is not your fault if it doesn't work. That is a chance we take everytime we try a new chemo. Please do not look at it as a waste of money, I know as expensive as it is that may be hard to do, but I am sure that it is worth every penny to your family to find something that will work. I agree, it doesn't get any easier. I go through these same thoughts every time I have to start a new chemo. But, it will work!!!!
   Keep the Faith,
      Love Chris
408448 tn?1286883821
I am with you in this. You have my prayers and I am sure hoping the scan shows you have had great response. As far as the money... you are worth more than 19,000 to me and I am not even your family. I will be thinking of you. Marie
167426 tn?1254086235
Becky  , the last thing you need to worry about is the money part, ask any Mother or Father how much their child is worth, and with an Aunt and Uncle thrown in, kiddo  you are loved!!!!!  What is Tyson worth to you?  We have no way of knowing whether a chemo will "work" or not,  guess that assay thing is one of the ways to see if it won't, but I understand they are not 100%  and very expensive.   Go Monday "loaded for bear"  ask all the questions that are stressing you out,  you are not a failure in any way, you are in the greatest fight right now that any human can be in.  In my prayers each night I ask that Jesus  lay his hands on all of your bellies and take that cancer away.  Just close your eyes and imagine that healing hand laying there taking away that cancer.  And BELIEVE  it will happen.   Don't say any What ifs. Say  It will be OK and I will survive.  Leslee and you both will have GOOD NEWS  Monday.  Marty
178345 tn?1242536246
Please stay positive...you need to be calm..I know how hard it is..but I know that we are all behind you and pray for you I will especially!!! Heres to good news on Monday!!!! Dont ever feel like a failure! You are a survivor!!! Your family loves you and would do anything for you..this is in Gods hands and he holds our cards and everything will be good!!!! Love, Gia
41502 tn?1223517053
I agree with everything Chris said. I know Johnny would pay for whatever would keep me alive. We had a semi discussion about that the other day. I feel guilty that I am sending the clinic 2400.00 today for balance for Jan and Feb. I hope you get a good report and a break from all this. Thats all I am hopng for now is just a break again. I think if we hang on surely something will come through for us.It certainly isn't your fault you have this, and your family wants you around! I think if I didn't have my family and friends I wouldn't keep fighting, because for some of us it is not easy. Try to have a good weekend, we will all pray for you. Sometimes God sends miracles when His time is right.  Love Donna
140437 tn?1215109742
Oh Becky, I didnt realise you were in such a bad place. When ever we talk it is about everything under the sun and bar the kitchen sink but we so rarely talk about your cancer. Sometimes I sense you are distracted but you are so positive that I forget just how bad and scary things are for you. Well that and of course the fact that when I start talking I need a gimp mask to shut me up. What I will say though is will you PLEASE stop worrying about the money. No-one is is worried about the money apart from you and you are not to. I love you you know that!

You dont always have to be cheerful when you call Becky. Its great to be positive but if you feel like rubbish tell me......

You are going to be ok what ever the results are but goodness knows I am praying so hard for you.

Anna XXXXXXXXXXXXxx

146692 tn?1314331773
You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend, as I know the waiting is soooo hard. I hope you get good news on Monday, and everyday after that.
((hugs))
butterflytc
187666 tn?1331173345
I don't have cancer but I do know about waiting, whether it's for heart surgeries, ovary surgery or for test results. It just nags at your thoughts and drains your feelings. I'm sorry you're going through this but be assured you're in my thoughts and will be waiting to hear your news.
Avatar universal
It must be so hard not to look at all the 'what-ifs'.  Marie is so right, no amount of money can be put on your life.  You are worth so much more than that.  I really pray that this new line of chemo works for you.  I want you to not worry.  Your picture with that beautiful little child and your smiling face is how I want you to look every day.  I do pray for peace and answers for you.

Always,
L
194838 tn?1303428544
Dear Becky,
Im so sorry you feel so anxious , I will of course be praying for you and hope that the ct scan is good and the Avastin has worked . The stress you are feeling  is understandable gosh you must be so tired. I have read many of your posts and know that you are a real fighter and I admire you . Im sure your family think you are worth every penny and you can never put a price on this fight you just keep going !! .
Will be thinking of you on monday , Take care Angie
113538 tn?1207621432
Hi Becky,

I'm not dealing with cancer either, I've followed your journey as you've shared it with us. You were also helpful to me when I was uncertain about what to do next. You son is also about my daughter's age, so I relate to a lot of the stuff you say about him!

As for support, please know that there is a chorus of loving women (and a few men, too) from all over the world sending prayers and warm thoughts to you for Monday, and to you as you go through this very stressful "not knowing" period.

My mother died of breast cancer about 15 years ago. The thing that has stayed with me about the disease is that though it is a "physical" illness, much (if not most, at least in my mother's case) of the suffering from it is emotional. Even if you're in remission, even if you've had a long, long remission, once you've got the "big C", it's always with you emotionally. You still have to face it periodically with scans, and that "not knowing" is like a bunch of cracked-out mice running on about 50 high-speed treadmills in the brain. I feel for you.

As for the money? If you find out the Avastin didn't work? Well, I'm sure you thought of this, but what if your family hadn't spent the money and not even tried it, and the disease progressed? They would spend the rest of their lives wondering if they could have saved you. Think about what you would do for your son. I know for my daughter, NO amount of money, in vain or not, is too much. I know you feel the same about Ty. I know you know this stuff, and that this feeling is not entirely rational, but it's always good to get confirmation, I think.

Forgive me if this is repetition here, but I have a few practical ideas for dealing with this kind of stress:

1. Valium/Xanax/Ativan. There is no shame in requesting these things from your doc. And if you have the money to pay for it out of pocket, I say it's worth it.

2. My shrink taught me that when we're stressed out, the two sides of our brain "split" and don't communicate with each other. This makes things worse. So, when I'm freaking out I do activities with my hands that force communication between the two sides of my brain. For me, juggling is a good one. But even just throwing a ball back and forth between your right and left hand is good.

3. Find an activity that mildly engages your brain. Examples: crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, even filing.

I'll tie this message up by once again saying that there is a chorus of "voices" behind you holding you up, praying for you and sending you warm thoughts.

Take care.

Susy
178783 tn?1197300099
Hi Becky,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I truely hope you get the results you are looking for and greatly deserve.

Take Care and God Bless,
Bob
Avatar universal
Hi there.  I am new in this site and I joined it because I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and need to get operated.  I know that it's hard and you feel scared, but try to think positive.  I have tried doing that and taking one day at a time.  Like you, I have spent a lot of money over the years, but right now, don't think about it since no money puts price on life.  You'll be in my prayers.

Take care,

Neta
Avatar universal
Becky,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I really hope for good news.  Please don't worry about the money.  As a mother I would give up everything I own at a chance to help my son be healthy.  Hang in there!
329994 tn?1301663248
Becky,
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and I am praying for good news on Monday.  As others have said, try not to worry about the money.  I am sure your family does not care about that, as I would not even think twice if it was one my children.  YOU are the most important person to your family.  Hugs,
Colleen
155056 tn?1333638688
Becky - just remember there are many more drugs out there....don't give up and don't ever put a price on your life....if it doesn't work then move onto something else...and I can assure you that neither your parents nor your aunt and uncle care about money....they care about you....as we do....we are here for you....and will all be in that room along side you on Monday....just remember you cannot change the outcome of what is going to be said  Monday, so try to put it out of your mind until then, and try to enjoy the weekend.

LOVE YOU,
Pam
378425 tn?1305628294
I too want to send you positive thoughts for Monday.  You will be in my prayers and I am hoping for good news.  

The waiting is so hard.  I hope the weekend goes by a little faster for you.  I will be thinking of you ....

Take care,
Dawnlyn
349465 tn?1289081764
I am hoping and praying that you will receive good news!
Teresa
107366 tn?1305680375
COMMUNITY LEADER
Nothing more I can say than these other wise ladies (and gentleman) have said.  You are priceless beyond compare.  I am sending love and prayers your way.

Love,
Gail  
229895 tn?1261601948
Dear Becky

I too can not say it any better than everyone before me, you a very special person and I am sending you my prayers and positive thoughts for Monday and hoping that you get good news.

Hugs

Jenny
120574 tn?1240767840
No matter what..Keep fighting.....
105530 tn?1279585282
Sending you all my  love, positive thoughts and prayers for Monday
We are here for you.
Take care
Mid form oz
Avatar universal
Becky-

You have been a true source of strength for me as I watch my mother fight this horrible beast.  Without realizing it you have put in me and many others I am sure the sense of "FIGHT" by just telling your story and being supportive to me and many others.  I have seen many of your posts.

My mother received her first Avastin treatment today.  I told her about you and your story and how you have been dealing with Avastin.  Becky, my mom smiled when I told her about you.  Thank you for making my mom smile today.  

God Bless you and I will be praying that the news is good on Monday.  Take care and keep yourself occupied this weekend.  I hope the weather is beautiful where you are so that you can enjoy Saturday and Sunday and not even think about Monday.
Avatar universal
Dear Becky
My mum has been diagnosed with ovca4, summarising i am going through this nighmare with her. I feel your pain and torment, you have my prayes and thoughts. You are a brave soldier and should be amazed at your strength. I know your family are prod of you in every way. Try find some peace in your own way, your own philisophy, I feel for you, GD bless you
2
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