Not the results I was hoping for...

[Tybear]

I got my CT results yesterday and after three treatments of Avastin, nothing changed. No better, no worse. I know that should be good news, but I'm pretty upset, especially knowing that I had such a great response to it last year. I was also hoping (praying) that my tumors had shrunk so I could get out of this nephrostomy surgery, but no luck.
Maybe I set my expectations too high...
I can't help but feel a bit like a failure, especially after all the money that was donated to me through my fundraiser. I feel like, in a way, I let everyone down. This drug didn't do what it was supposed to and I just wasted all that money.
I also noticed on my CT report that, in really simple terms, I have a stress fracture in a disk in my lower spine. I'm assuming that my osteopenia has now progressed into osteoperosis and that scares me to death. I'm 30 years old!! My body is falling apart and I feel helpless....
This is not how I was hoping to start 2009.
I know I should be grateful that I'm even here to type this, and I am, I'm just feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I really, really don't want to have this surgery on the 19th. I would give anything to get out of it...
I feel awful about Paula too...this disease just keeps taking and taking from us it seems.
Thanks for letting me vent,
Becky

[Lafnatitall]

How can you be a failure when you're doing all you can to fight?  YOu may be a little "winded" right now...but I'll bet anything you'll be right back in there when the "bell" rings for the next round.

Prayers and angels are being sent to you...

Rhonda

[crecco]

Becky,
  In no way are you a failure. You cannot know if something won't work until you try it. And I am so sorry that it did not work for you this time. Has your Dr considered adding another drug with it?
  Your expectations are not too high. We all expect the drugs we are on to work and when they don't it is a major letdown. But it is not your fault.
  Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, you deserve it. But then get right back in the saddle. You have been through so much for someone so young, but like you said, you are still here and still able to fight and that says so much. So hang in there Hon and remember that we are all here behind you.
  Chris

[JC145]

Becky .. those people who helped you received many good feelings BY just helping you.  The fact that the desired outcome did not happen is irrelevant with regard to their donating to your health.  Please don't feel like a failure.  You did all you could.  I only wish you had a better outcome.  I will continue to pray for you.  Judy

[Brownie3321]

Becky i left you a message on your site. I'm thinking about you. Love, D

[jlock]

I can't not offer any more words that have not been said already..you haven't let us down it's this damn disease that is doing that. You go on and vent and keep up the fight.  Sorry you'll have to have this surgery,but if it keeps you going and your QOL is till good...it's a blessing..(((hugz)))~~~Joanne

[SimplyStar]

Hey there friend, when I think of you, I think of all the pictures I see on your photo page, you are a happy , smiling face in my mind.  Helping you with expenses, is what your friends are giving of their own free will, that is what life is about, free will, thank God we all have that. Did I ever suggest to you about reading the book  on Positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, it is such a helpful book to help deal with any depression. Don't concentrate on the surgery, it will be just another day in your life and your fight.  I will be there in the OR room in spirit, and with Gods help, we will look over you and see that  all is done perfectly.  I will also gather up all our special Angels to be there with us,  we will be over in the corner singing songs just for you.  love  Marty

[fungirl1011]

Oh Becky, please do not feel like you let anyone down.  If anything, society has let YOU and the other wonderful women on this forum down by not doing enough research on OVCA.  I am so very sorry that you did not get the results that you were looking for.  Everyone who donated to your fundraiser WANTED to do something to help you out.  You have NOT disappointed anyone.  I just want you to know that I am praying for you everyday.  You are never too far from my thoughts.  Just know that you are a STRONG woman and FIGHTER.  We love you Becky and are here for you to vent anytime you need to.  Love you, Kasie

[bohan54]

Money is a necessary evil, not one cent spent to try to heal you could ever be considered wasted.  
I know when the time comes, I will be angry to have to get a bag.  I'm P O'd for you and I don't even really know you.  We just trudge on til we can't, I'm glad you still can...
Sharon

[TrudieC]

Becky, this really s*cks!  The optimist in me hopes that you will see results after a couple more treatments.  Feeling like a failure is not an option.  Vent all you want and the rest of us will pray that the surgery goes well and that you will be free from the pain afterward.  

Much love and hugs, Trudie

[cirella]

Oh Becky!  I'm so sorry.  I don't know what to say...be strong...stay positive...etc...etc...etc...none of it sounds right.  You are discouraged and have a right to be.  What you will NOT feel badly for is thinking you let anyone down!  My goodness, girl...you are not performing for anyone.  People help you because they love you.  Whether something worked or not does not matter one bit to them.  Well...that didn't sound right...of course it matters that it works or not.  The money part doesn't matter.  Money is NEVER wasted when it goes toward helping someone.  

I want you to know you are prayed for and loved.  
Love

[westajul]

I am so sorry to hear avastin isn't working like you want. Don't give up the faith. Being so young is such an advantage. I will keep you in my thoguhts and prayers that your surgery goes well and the chemo starts working for you. Julie

[Teresa222]

I am so, so, so sorry about your CT results.  I too was hoping that you would find out very positive things from it.  Please don't get discouraged.  You are so young. You need to fight this terrible disease every day.  I was sad when I learned you would have to have the surgery when you first announced it.  Try to face it with a positive attitude.  You want it to go as smoothly as possible.
God Bless You Becky.
Teresa