rant and a sigh'

[butterflytc]

Can't think straight to go into the details of me. Suffice it to say stage 3b/c OVCA, debaulked, 6 taxol/carbo treatments, 2nd look removal of adhesions, mess. infections, back to hospital, mystery masses showing up, back to oncologist end of the month blah blah blah...
   I guess what I am searching for today is a smile or laugh. The last couple of days have been rough, with swelling, severe pains, and a migraine to top it all off! I am shy to bring the **** out on the board, as so many are worse off then me, and others are looking for support. Who wants to hear about the negative side of this rotten disease? Yet I am reaching out to others who know what I am feeling today. (or even understand what I am ranting about?).
If not, just ignore me, sometimes I go away.
((hugs))
butterflytc

[ChrisP2236]

I'm so glad you're feeling better.  I was out of town when you posted and was concerned for you as I read your original post - take care of yourself and when I come up with a good joke I'll pass it along.  Hugs, Chris P

[butterflytc]

Thank you very much for supporting me thru a rough patch, I went into the emergency room last night (finally) and they pumped me up with morphine. I had let the pain get the better of me, and should have taken the med. myself sooner. I am doing fine, and the pain is well under control now.
   Thanks for making me smile!
((hugs))
butterflytc

[ireneo]

I've got a baby skunk that would bring a smile to your face. He grumbles and squeaks and insists on suckling on your fingers. Yes, they're little stinkers but I wish I could send him over to make you smile. Hope your Sunday is going well. Hugs. . .

[Searching48507]

Totally off subject but here's a joke for you:

With the recent gas prices, a local man was finding it more and more difficult to keep gas in his car.  It used to be that $20/wk would nearly get the man through the whole week.  Well, when gas spiked up to the $4/gallon mark, the young man found himself in a situation.  Here he sat by the side of the road out of gas and no money to get more.  As he sat there thinking about his problem, a big fat bumble bee came his way.  The bee asked him, why he looked so sad.  The young man told the bee of his situation.  The bee said don't worry, we can help you.  The bee told him to take the cap off of the gas tank.  The young man did that.  Then out of nowhere a swarm of bees began entering the gas tank and leaving.  After all the bees were out of the tank.  The big bumble bee told the young man to put the cap back on the gas tank and try to start the engine.  Amazing the car began running.  The young man asked the bee, what did you do?  The bee responded, we put in "bee pee".  (bp)  Get it:-)

Wishing you a better day,

Karen

[bohan54]

Laughed hard yesterday and I have been in a serious funk.  My almost 2 year old nephew Dylan was playing with my dog Sparky.  Sparky is very spoiled with many toys.  He has two favorites, his squeaky monkeys which he likes to shake vigorously to get someone to chase him.  Dylan got the other monkey, put it in his mouth and mimicked the dog.  Not sure why but that just cracked us up,  you probably had to be there...
Now I'm off to drink a jug of Golytely, camping out by the toilet.
Feel better friend,
Sharon

[silver&gold]

Sending Big hugs and positive thought your way Butterfly .

Love Angie

[cirella]

Tc, rant away!  I can't relate to your situation but I'm your friend and I can give you a big hug...((hug))...and hold your little hand.  I'm glad you posted and didn't just keep all that inside.

Love, L

[crecco]

Butterfly,
  Sorry you have been going through a rough spot, but like you said, tomorrow is another day, and may you wake up to sunshine, and feeling good, with the last few days just a thing of the past.
  Love Chris

[butterflytc]

Thanks for the support, I have been a member now for 2 years, and posted 184 times according to medhelp lol. It has always been to answer questions or offer support. I try not to post questions about me, and don't even post updates on health. I am more the type to push past things, and send cheerful notes to friends.
   Today is a rough one, and tomorrow will be a better day, it always is (sometimes just takes more than one day.lol). I ranted and I sighed, but am proud of myself for just finally putting it out there, it did help. Its owned and thrown away Mary lol. As Gilda Radner said "it is always something" and boy she wasn't kidding!
   It is nice knowing you can speak of the bad things too, and not always being the supportee. It is even nicer knowing you are not alone, sometimes I wish that side was shown more on the board. The bad days yes, but also the pain days..When you go into the oncologist, mine anyway, they ask "Where is the pain level on a scale of one to ten"? I haven't a clue how to answer them anymore, and I don't want to take morphine. I need to know what is going on with my body, and morphine clouds the brain. As you can probably tell by my rambling..so I shall end it here now. LOL thanks for making me smile all, that is what I wanted from all of you. I am sorry you are in pain, I am sorry people have to have chemo, and I am sorry people have fears and losses, but I am thrilled to know I am not alone.
Love butterflytc

[Schoolmarm]

Yepper!  Yelling and fussing is totally permitted and comes with the territory!  I didn't find this board while I was in treatment.  I had to rant in person.  Amazingly, I still have friends.  My family, however, is keeping their distance and wearing body armor when they come for the holidays.  LOL  It's safer to take your frustrations out on us.  We won't try to drug your turkey stuffing.  

Sounds as if you're seriously in mid-trauma.  Sorry to read that your life has become so complicated.  We all seek simplicity and peace, don't we?  Cancer of any kind takes that peace and shoves it up our . . . whatever.  

Ronni is right.  Come here and get rid of at least a little of what's weighing you down.  The humor will come.  It comes with the manic-depression part.  When you get the form, it'll be option 3 in the "available at extra cost" list.  

I believe everyone here has taken a little ramble through the halls of insanity along the cancer trail.  The best thing that happened to me was being in a treatment setting where 20 or 30 women--some better off, some worse, some farther along, some a step behind-- were all treated in the same room with ample opportunity to network and joke around about our various discoveries.  IV-stand races to the bathroom were the best part.  I kind of miss that.  :)  If you're not in that kind of setting, recreate it here.  Visit, complain, help someone who's asking questions you know the answers to.  Eventually you'll forget all about your problems. Sort of.  

{{HUGS}}

Joanne

Nah.  Only kidding on that last part.  Maybe eventually you'll stop wanting to disembowel everyone in your immediate vicinity who doesn't have cancer.  That's a good short-term goal.  

[Mary 53]

No no nooo.... Don't you dare go away. There.... I know I just spoke for the WHOLE group of us. I am feeling kind of feisty today and it feels good. So, I am here for you. You know that others will be here, too, as soon as they check in.

The thing is, the migraine alone would send most people into a tail spin.

My opinion is that just the fear of the unknown can sometimes catch you off gaurd and totally take over your day/mood. Of course we all know better than to fear the future and you know that this is not what I am talking about. If only there were away that you could put this all aside and just LEAVE it somewhere. Maybe mentally today you can leave it somewhere and that is why you wrote. Name it (we say this all the time in our program...."Name the problem") and then deal with it (or for today as I said, Leave it somewhere). You know you will keep fighting this. Da#m that it can't all be tied up in a neat little package...."Do this and you will get better."  I know.

Last year when my slipped disc went undiagnosed and the pain in the spot where my left ovary used to be kept raging on and on (refered pain from the slipped disc or nerve from the nerve damage that was happening at the time) I felt so helpless and at times hopeless. I knew that if I lost hope I would not make it. But, there were days it was hard to muster up.

I know that a disc issue is not what you are suffering from, but mentally I can relate. And, now my right side is giving me a ton of pain....and so I wonder if this is another disc issue or if that Dx. I received all those years ago that turned out to be probably the earliest case of "catching things early" has come back to haunt me. Just when I think I have made it past all worrying stages, something like this creeps up and I cannot help but wonder. But, just the thought of going from doctor to doctor is exhausting (at least today that is how it feels to me)....Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better for you, too.

I promised myself that I would always edit my work, but I think I will just send this. I have rambled a bit. Sometimes rambling is good. I would like to hear more of your story or your feelings today if you care to write more. This is the forum we fight like crazy to keep "safe" if you will.

Sending positive :) thoughts your way,

Mary

[vegas2cr]

You have every right to complain whine and otherwise yell..this forum is not about lala land and always good outcomes.. We suffer but you are not alone...We would never want you to go away..

In life as well as ovarian cancer unfortunately we sometimes carry other persons on our shoulders...One is depression, the other is anxiety and or fright  and bringing up the rear is doubt....Come on this board and throw one of them our way.. and then the other and finally the last.. You know we will help you get through this... as others helped me..
I have been known to stomp on someones doubt many times...

Throw me who ever you want me to take care and I will put a contract out on him..

I am serious.. we do CARE   Ronni