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Avatar universal

staying with Doxil

Since my husband's union refused to pay for oral Etoposide, my oncologist said when we decide to use it, we'll do it by IV infusion so that won't be a problem for me. We're waiting for a letter explaining why it was refused.

My CA did go down 30 points with Doxil last month, so we've decided to stay with Doxil this month and see if it reduces the CA again, and hopefully the tumors. I had my 80 MG infusion on Monday, and I'm following the instructions to hopefully avoid the side effects that stopped treatments in the Spring.

So tired of hearing that I look good, I have a good attitude or that I'm a fighter.

I look like crap, tired all the time, I've accepted that this fight will eventually be lost, and that my attitude is anger not sadness or depression which will just waste the time I do have. I'm just being realistic.

7 Responses
107366 tn?1305680375
One of the lessens you learn when you are going through chemo is that people think it will make you feel good if they put you on some kind of pedestal.  So they say things like, "You look so good!" and, "Wow, you're always so cheerful!"  I had a boss who would say things like that, and I know it was his way of trying to make me feel better, but the last thing you want to hear when you feel like a bull kicked you is, "Gosh, you look great!"  I'm thinking, "I do?  Compared to what? Why don't you just go ahead and finish that statement. You look good...for someone who has a deadly disease!!"  I think the company that makes my makeup should hire me as their spokesperson, because apparently their product works wonders!    

It's good news that your CA125 went down last month with Doxil.  I hope it continues to do so.  I guess the decision on whether to change to Etoposide was made for you, but it makes me angry that insurance companies and unions have the power to make those decisions for us.  Our lives lie in the hands of people who's only concern is the cost, not the human toll.  If the time comes to change, I hope you'll have the opportunity to appeal and get it covered.  

408448 tn?1286883821
People tell me I look good, too.  Yes, I look like a good candidate to star in a zombie movie but that is it.  I have sunken eyes with dark circles and no eyelashes.  Real cute.  I don't have a good attitude and I often feel I have no fight left.  I did have enough fight a few days ago to get in a verbal altercation with a neighbor man, a 350 pound gangsta.  I lost. Real smart of me.  Marie
136849 tn?1327321510
Alot of times is, it's just people don't know what to do, and since I was once in that very position when I had chemo, but the end of my mere 6 months of chemo if one more person made a stupid comment to me, I would of lost it  I've learned not to say certain things, all you can say, is that "I am sorry".  I know you ladies have to be truly exhausted, and tired of the BS.  
167426 tn?1254086235
When people feel obligated to tell you how you look , would it sound better  to say  "you look like hell" and if it comes from a good friend, have a good laugh about it.   I have been losing weight now for about a year, down to 94 #s, you should hear some of the things they say to me,  sure I would like to gain about 20 #s, easier said than done . but for them to offer me some of their fat,  just how is that done?   I never told Leslee she looked good, I never told her she looked bad either, I would pick something that did look good and comment on that,  One of my last memories of her was seeing her toenails, bright red, her daughters  gave her a manicure right there in hospice,  Les was so pleased with that .  I never think of Leslee as she looked towards the end, my pictures of her are all healthy and smiling .  Its been 2 years now and I still miss her so.  Marty
408448 tn?1286883821
One thing that some people say that I do really like is when they say, " I don't know how you do it!"  To me that shows that they really get that it is a daily struggle to fight the disease along with keeping up with the demands of everyday life.  I don't really know how we do it either, but thank God we find a way.  Marie

Marty,  My neighbor always offers me extra pounds too!.  I am with you trying to gain or at least not lose any more.

Avatar universal
Hi ladies,
Thanks for your comments, I have to agree with all of you.

Last night my poor husband came home from work and innocently asked me "how are you?" Stupid me came back with an unnecessary and snappy comment. I apologized to him a short while late, I know it's a normal thing for anyone to ask anyone, but I don't want to be asked and I should have just said "ok".

Being told "I don't know how you do it" actually does make me feel empowered and stronger.

Have a good weekend.
408448 tn?1286883821
I don't know how I did it myself today.  Robin had me take her to several stores to look for a shirt to start her new job.  Shopping drains me, but I forced myself.

I get snappy alot too, Jane.  If Tommy says he is tired I say mean things like, Well, try being full of tumors and see how tired you'd be then.  Yuck.  I hate being like that, but on occasion I am not so nice.
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