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41502 tn?1223517053

surviving victim of cancer

how do you live without a spouse? Donna Marshall is my eyes,legs, feet,hands,mind and body. I am not as strong. I am a weakling. Without her, I too wont will not survive.. I can't save her. Thanks for helping her through her friends with MH. She is not with the better man yet. Donna is stilll with me.   Johnny Marshall
35 Responses
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421683 tn?1233438087
There is a special bond between the people who open their hearts within the confines of this forum. No two are alike and yet all are suffering an seemingly insurmountable amount of pain: some physical, some emotional, some both.

Still, we all somehow know exactly what your heart is crying out. Donna was a loving person. She loved you and she loved her creator. He gave Donna to you years ago for safekeeping until He could prepare a place just for her. What He wanted to give to her took that much time. Imagine that. He created the world in only six days, but what he wanted to give to his faithful servant took years. How glorious it must be!

Donna will always be with you, her memory filling your heart with the love that you have come to know. The offerings of this world, cancer included, can never change that or take it away from you.

Kelly
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441690 tn?1327078843
.
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415684 tn?1257329318
bumo
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429647 tn?1249753429
I am so sorry, Cancer *****.  I am a 6 month out survivor of OVCA but 4 years ago I lost my best friend, lover and soul mate to leukimia.  Each day after he passed seemed like forever.  I couldn't listen to any music for quite some time.  Now sometimes it seems like so long ago since that day and sometimes it seems like yesterday.  Now I listen to our favorite music and it makes me smile.  He loved to whistle and mimic birds and their calls, some thought this annoying of course I thought it was cool.  Now when I hear a bird whistle I think he is telling me hello, its okay especially with all I have gone thru in the last year.  Donna is a beautiful person, I know you think you can't live without her but she has been with you for some time and she has given you memories that will always be their and her spirit will always be with you.  The pain is at times is too much but then think what Donna would want you to do, to live on, carry on for her as well as for you.  I pray for comfort and understanding for both of you.  Kerry
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441690 tn?1327078843
Johnny,
I wish I had some words to comfort you... but the other amazing people on this forum have already captured so much.  I cry for you and for Donna and I pray for peace and the ability to focus on all the good memories, despite the ache and pain in your heart.

You must be an amazing man, to be Donna's great love...

All my thoughts and prayers are with you, Donna and your family and friends.

Meg
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155056 tn?1333638688
Johnny - I was hoping that Steve and Jatoo would come along and let you know how they coped.  It is not easy to lose a loved one....not at all.  But time does help.  Right now concentrate on the time you have left, don't look past today.  I remember when we lost my dad, my mom would cry and cry...and then all of a sudden, one there were no tears, and you think, I didn't cry yesterday....then another day goes by....it is so hard to believe this, but, life goes on and Donna wants you to go on.  
We are here to support you in any way we can.  Losing Donna is going to be hard for all of us, we can help by sharing in your grief.
Love,
Pam
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329994 tn?1301663248
Johnny,
Everyone has so eloquently stated how wonderful and amazing Donna is! Your pain and your love shines through so clearly in your post. We are here for you whenever you need it as Donna has been here for us.  She is very much loved by everyone on this forum.  I can only offer my prayers for you both, for comfort from the Lord.  Love, Colleen
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212140 tn?1201944974
Hi, firstly, let me say I know exactly where you are at this point, my wife Violet died 6th Jan this year, she was my 1st girl friend at school, at 13 yrs; we married at 18, and had 32 yrs of happy marriage with 2 great kids. You describe Donna in the same way as I did with Violet. I would love to say 'it's no big deal', but I would be lying. It is very hard to be where you are, I can remember each minute/second during the last few hours. BUT, please remember, try not to show too much of your emotions, yes cry with her, tell her that you love her, if you are up to talking about plans, then do so, as if Donna sees this she will feel comfort that you can cope, as Violet’s greatest fear was me! Yes these amazing ladies don’t fear for themselves but for others around them! Okay inside, you are breaking up, stomach in knots, it hard, but try not to show it.
Okay, the next part, to me was the hardest, when she moves on, free at last from pain and suffering, ‘why her, why this, if only we tried this or that’ you will shout, its natural, first sorrow, then anger, then realization, then guilt. All this happens, so don’t feel bad about it. I was lucky my son and daughter were beside me, we helped each other, please Johnny, find someone, as you will need someone during this period. Then you will start organization mode, making the necessary arrangement, this help keep the mind busy.
In time, you will feel guilty, ‘I didn’t do this with Donna, etc’, at this point, try to remember the good times you had together, laugh at the funny things you did together, don’t worry of those around you think. It’s the lonely night times I feel it most, yes I still get sad thoughts 9 months later, yes I still cry, I still find it difficult to talk about my wife, so will never say it goes away, buy it DOES get a little easier. Remember the good times, but also the bad, remember the pain Donna suffered, but then remember ‘she is no longer in pain, not suffering’. I was never really a ‘true believer’, but I am now, look for the little signs, they come, they can be felt. My wife loved sitting in our small study, it caught the sun in summer and winter, this is now ‘her room’, we have her on the mantle shelve, (she wanted to come home to stay with us, so her ashes are here) we have pictures of her in funny poses, with her family all over the walls, it helps me ‘just to sit’ sometimes to talk to her. She listens! I hope this helps a bit,from someone who has been in the place you are now, you can contact me any time, just drop me a note and somehow I will try to get you my e mail to you. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Steve H
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295767 tn?1240188314
Johnny, you are in my prayers. Much love, Deandra
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354706 tn?1279470795
bump
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577974 tn?1232522774
Your posting touched my heart as it has so many others. I am so, so very sorry you have had to go through all this pain and heart ache. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it has been for you to watch your beloved wife battle this awful disease.

But it is more than obvious you have been of great support and comfort to her. I hope when the time comes, you find the comfort and support you need to help you through this.

God bless you both.
Janet
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282804 tn?1236833591
Johnny you know that Cory and I think the world not only of Donna, but you as well.  We enjoyed our visit so much and I am grateful that Donna chose not to listen to her Dr or we would not have had that time.  I know you have tons of memories of Donna and those will sustain you if you let them be happy memories instead of unhappy ones.

Donna has said that she is concerned that the things she cares about most won't be taken care of and that is you and the dogs.  You have to be strong for her and let her know she has nothing to worry about.  I do know how hard this is on you.  I have seen the tortured look on your face and it broke my heart, but Donna needs you now.  I know why you don't feel up to the task but the others are right, you need to do for Donna the only thing you can do and that is comfort and reassure her. Let her know that you will be okay.  You know what she wants for you. Find a good support group, & a church you like, maybe that one whose minister came to see Donna, and get your life back to what it should be.  She wants you to find a companion, because you are not a good loner.  I worry about the same thing with Cory, he is not good at being alone.  You also have to let Donna know that it is alright to let go.You can do this, I know it.

You know that we will be there for you as much as we possibly can.  Anything we can do, anytime we can come down and help you, we will. Whatever you want or need, we promised Donna we would help you and watch out for you so we will. Besides we were pretty fond of you too.

We pray everyday for what Donna has asked us to pray for and we pray that you will find peace in your heart and soul.
Love,
Jan
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488689 tn?1337993158
The love you have for Donna is overwhelming and your post made me feel so helpless to find word that could comfort you now. Love is eternal, she will always be with you. You will never loss her love, it will be all around you everyday of your life to keep you strong and to keep you going to honor her life. Your not a weakling though you may feel that way, no man that could express his love for his wife the way you have would have a weak bone in his body. You and Donna are in my prayers, and I pray God will help you find peace. God Bless you both.
Valerie
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398758 tn?1248220291
Every one of us is crying after reading your incredible post.  I agree with everyone else, and only add that she is SO lucky to have such a loving husband.  Please let us help you through this, as it's obvious that you have been such a pillar of strength.  All of us are sending you our love and prayers.
Kathy
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178345 tn?1242536246
I dont think I could say anything better than what these women have said to help you..I can tell you that I lost my Mother when I was 20..hardest thing I have ever endured...She was 44!  What got me through it and still gets me through it is how I keep reminding myself how lucky I was to have such a great Mother for as long as I did..I tell myself how some people don't even get that chance...You and Donna were lucky to find the love that you share....some people go a lifetime without being able to share their life with someone, without ever knowing what real love is...Donna is a wonderful woman ....find comfort in knowing when the time comes that she is at peace and no more pain...These are things that have helped me find comfort in letting my mother go.  Cherish all the memories and God will guide you the rest of the way....My prayers will be with you and Donna...Love, Gia
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354706 tn?1279470795
It hurts to read your message. May you find peace within yourself.
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543028 tn?1282428826
From what i know of Donna from the forums and knowing how she made me feel ... She NEVER met a stranger She Never said a cross word to any of the people here who are in need ... in fact I believe she sought out those of us who were hurting and purposely stretched out her hands in friendship ... she is the most empathetic person i have ever met ... she made me proud to be me and I only knew her in this setting.
Having said that, her love and empathy for you must be extremely magnified as this rare and beautiful soul chose YOU to share her life :) I know she wants the very best for you and the best tribute that I believe you can give her is to live your life to the fullest and follow your dreams .. be true to your emotions and seek help when you need it ... she wants you to love yourself.  I have been give this rare gift of your wife's friendship and I pray I can see this through with the same grace as she is.

If you read "The five people you meet in Heaven," or see it as I believe it has been made into a movie, it may help you with your loss.

Gracious Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of Donna's friendship, I thank you for all of the people she has touched and the enduring gift of her beautiful sweet spirit ... I pray she runs towards your outstretched arms and into your glory, leaping and laughing all the way ....  I pray her husband and all that she loves the strength and peace needed to carry on your will, here on earth, for your servants sake
in the precious name of your son, Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour,
Amen.
Love
Sharon
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196469 tn?1365387975
I can't imagine what you are going thru and my heart breaks for you and your amazing wife.  The 2 of you must have shared so many wonderful hopes and dreams.......hold on to the good memories and I pray for strength for you and Donna.

Heidi
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523728 tn?1264621521
Dear Johnny,
You must be a great guy if Donna fell for you.  If there was anything I could do to lighten your load right now, I would jump at the chance.  All I can say is with time you will find your way.  Donna will always be with you in spirit.
Love,
Sharon
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Avatar universal
Johnny,

I am so sorry that this is happening to Donna, you and your family.  I have only had a few exchages with Donna on the forum, but I have followed her posts.  She is a wonderful woman and she will be missed by everyone.  I wish I had something to say that would ease your pain, but there is no such thing.  I know that you already know this but I just wanted to say that Donna will always be with you.  Her love and your memories will live on.

I will pray for Donna, you and your family.  God bless you all.
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187666 tn?1331173345
Johnny - I know there's no way to describe the hurt you're feeling. My Dad died recently and I never knew losing a loved one was like this. You know it's going to be sad but it's different than that, more than that. It's OK to hurt and to cry. Don't try to explain it. Just cling to her while you can and then cling to the memories. You'll find you have a lot more wonderful memories than you realized. So many things come back. What little treasures they are.

I wish I could help. Just know that many people are holding out their arms to you, sending their heart felt love to you and praying for you during this monumental change in your life.

Love to you and your family,  Irene
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194838 tn?1303428544
Johnny, I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling , I am so sorry and will pray that god gives you strength in the days that follow.
Donna is a beautiful sweet woman who will be missed by all of us here .

God bless you both

Love Angie
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378425 tn?1305628294
Johnny,  my heart goes out to you; both of you are such amazing people, and  the love that you share  shows so much in your words.....I will be praying for both of you....If you ever need any of us we are here for you.......

Love
Dawnlyn
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135691 tn?1271097123
Johnny...I'm so sorry for all that this disease has done to you and your family. To have to watch the woman you love go through this...well, it must be heart breaking.
Donna was a huge support to many of us here battling this monster...please know that she touched the lives of many.
You are a lucky man to have her in your life...but I somehow think you already knew that.
Becky
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