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41502 tn?1223517053

surviving victim of cancer

how do you live without a spouse? Donna Marshall is my eyes,legs, feet,hands,mind and body. I am not as strong. I am a weakling. Without her, I too wont will not survive.. I can't save her. Thanks for helping her through her friends with MH. She is not with the better man yet. Donna is stilll with me.   Johnny Marshall
35 Responses
408448 tn?1286883821
My heart aches for you.  My own husband has a worse time with my cancer than I do.  I can only pray that you will find peace and comfort.  I pray the same for my husband when that time comes when he, too, is a victim of this disease.  To say that we will be here for you is all I can do.  I wish so much that I could do more.  Donna has strong faith.  In fact, my friendship with her has served to strengthen my own faith.  Please come here to us anytime to receive support, grieve, or to celebrate the life of your beautiful wife.  She has touched so many of us with her big heart.  I am so sorry that my words are so inadequate.  Love,  Marie
Avatar universal
Dear Johnny,
It's gut wrenching to read your expression of love for Donna.  I hope there is someone here who can answer you.  Please know that we're praying for you, too.  I pray that you are wrapped tightly in the arms of the Lord.  Words are difficult to come at this time but prayers are not.  I'm so very sorry.
Love, L
Avatar universal
My dear, dear man...I'm so sorry that you have to suffer such a loss.  Hearing your words reached down into my heart.  My husband has said those words to me.  I know he will have to live without me someday.  You have been Donna's better half.  You have been by her side through all of this.  You are a great man!  She is reaching up to God for comfort.  You can ask of Him to give you the strength you will need through this very sad time.  Pray to Him.  He will help you.  I wish I could give you more.  I corresponded with Donna and we had a lot in common.  I will miss her.  She is a beautiful lady and is leaving you with such grace.  Sending prayers asking God for the strength and courage you will need.  God Bless you....Cindy
Avatar universal
Dear Johnny,  I have been staring at his screen for 15 minutes unable to type.. Marie is right it is harder for my husband than me...Keep the knowledge in your heart that on the phone a while back Donna told me you were the all... her love for you is infinity.. never ending and she wants you to go on...I can only offer you my hand... please take it and know that my heart breaks for you and every other husband including my own.  I also pray that although it is dark now.. G-d will show you the light... Love Ronni
415684 tn?1257329318
Dear Johnny, How I wish there was no distance between you and all of us.  I feel your pain and wish I had something to offer.  Just know all of us are here for you when you need/want us.  Your love for Donna is such a blessing and I can only imagine how lost you will be without her.  My limited interaction with Donna on this forum has made me very fond of her.  May God be holding you hand through what is to come.  My love to Donna .. Judy
225036 tn?1294509400
Dear Johnny,
  I am so very sorry that you have to go through this.  I am praying for you, that God will give you the strength to get through this.  We are here for you anytime (I know that is no comfort now, but hopefully in the futrue we can help you thorugh this).  Donna has given so much to us on here.  She shows us what a strong woman is like.  Donna will be strongly missed around here.  Sorry I do not have any words of wisdom, but I am praying for you.....Kasie
483733 tn?1326798446
Johnny, I cannot even begin to imagine how much you must be hurting.  I pray that you will be strong enough to support Donna and send her off feeling comfortable that you will be fine.  And you will.  Use the support of friends there with you and us here on MedHelp.  Join a grief support group.  My Mother finds that she has learned to live better without my stepfather by the support in her group.  Others who have lost their loves can help you to talk about your pain and move forward.  No one and nothing will ever replace Donna in your life.  You will find joy in your life again and Donna will be smiling down on you with thankfulness and love.  She only wants the best for you in the same way you do for her.  Peace be with you.
656838 tn?1224535476
Johnny,
My heart and prayers are with you.  You sound like an amazing spouse, and you are both blessed to have one another.  Know you are in my prayers.
167426 tn?1254086235
It is very tough to be left behind, and know that now you must say good bye to all those special times, that only the two of you do together.  I lost my hubby of 42+ years, 14 years ago, it took me some time before I could "stand alone",  But then I thought, better him than me, I knew it would be rough for him to  handle life with out a spouse.  So I think that God sometimes makes the choices for us,,  Can you say, yes Donna, better you than me, cause I can handle this and I would not want you to have too. We know we cannot save them, we have a deep love  in our hearts for all they say and do, but at the end , we must say good bye and let them go. I hated to let my daughter go, she meant the world to me, but God took her first, and told me to wait, it is not easy, but I know that Donna and Leslee would have wanted to be first, to spare us the pain,  but God felt otherwise. They say that time helps, it does in small ways, but this initial hurt  feels almost more than a person should bare. Leslee did a lot of crying at the end, I feel it was because she didn't want to leave us and was worried about who would take her place as the care giver for all of us.  Donna and Leslee took care of us, even in their illness, shielding us from what ever they could. Now it is up to us, to be our own caregivers and make them proud, that they "taught" us well.  God Bless you Johnny, we have loved and lost, but have gained many preciious memories, when the time comes to take them out and relive those moments,  they will help bring back those happy times.  Treasure those hours and days.   Marty
272338 tn?1252280404
Johnny,
   It tore my heart to read your post. I know how much that Donna will be missed here, I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. As hard as it will be, you will go on. That is what Donna would want. Just know that we will all be here for you should you ever need anything.
   You have been very lucky to have had Donna in your life and she has been lucky to have you. She has been through so much now, that soon she will be happy again and free of the clutches of this terrible disease.
   My heart goes out to you. And I wish I were there to hug you and tell you it will be ok.
Cherish these times so that you will have beautiful memories to hold on to when things get rough. You are both in my prayers.
   Love Chris
185634 tn?1257071139
I have only corresponded with Donna a couple of times, and it was recently.  I had come over to the ovca forum after my mom passed away earlier in the year.  I admitted to Donna that I was a "lurker", and had been following the updates on her.

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to send her a message and she sent me one right back.  I have to tell you that it wasn't hard to tell the kind of person Donna is just by her reply.  She did tell me that the hardest part was watching her family torn up.  

Believe me, I've stood by my dad - whom I never really saw cry, and watched him sob over this.  I know how hard it is.  My mom was my best friend, and my big strong daddy was a mess.  But we're all hanging in there.  I have to say that if it weren't for my faith, I don't know if I could have made it through without a breakdown though.

Like the others have said, lean on God at this time and let him comfort you.  I've currently reading a true book about a man who "died" in a car accident, but came back to life to tell his experience.  He got a glimpse of heaven!  He said the beauty was beyond words.  I've heard it told that we'd never wish them back here on earth if we could see how beautiful Heaven is.  Trust that Donna will be in a beautiful place, free from pain and disease.  And you will one day be reunited with her.  Hold on to the memories of your loving, beautiful wife.

I'll keep you and Donna in my prayers.
~Lori
135691 tn?1271097123
Johnny...I'm so sorry for all that this disease has done to you and your family. To have to watch the woman you love go through this...well, it must be heart breaking.
Donna was a huge support to many of us here battling this monster...please know that she touched the lives of many.
You are a lucky man to have her in your life...but I somehow think you already knew that.
Becky
378425 tn?1305628294
Johnny,  my heart goes out to you; both of you are such amazing people, and  the love that you share  shows so much in your words.....I will be praying for both of you....If you ever need any of us we are here for you.......

Love
Dawnlyn
194838 tn?1303428544
Johnny, I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling , I am so sorry and will pray that god gives you strength in the days that follow.
Donna is a beautiful sweet woman who will be missed by all of us here .

God bless you both

Love Angie
187666 tn?1331173345
Johnny - I know there's no way to describe the hurt you're feeling. My Dad died recently and I never knew losing a loved one was like this. You know it's going to be sad but it's different than that, more than that. It's OK to hurt and to cry. Don't try to explain it. Just cling to her while you can and then cling to the memories. You'll find you have a lot more wonderful memories than you realized. So many things come back. What little treasures they are.

I wish I could help. Just know that many people are holding out their arms to you, sending their heart felt love to you and praying for you during this monumental change in your life.

Love to you and your family,  Irene
Avatar universal
Johnny,

I am so sorry that this is happening to Donna, you and your family.  I have only had a few exchages with Donna on the forum, but I have followed her posts.  She is a wonderful woman and she will be missed by everyone.  I wish I had something to say that would ease your pain, but there is no such thing.  I know that you already know this but I just wanted to say that Donna will always be with you.  Her love and your memories will live on.

I will pray for Donna, you and your family.  God bless you all.
523728 tn?1264621521
Dear Johnny,
You must be a great guy if Donna fell for you.  If there was anything I could do to lighten your load right now, I would jump at the chance.  All I can say is with time you will find your way.  Donna will always be with you in spirit.
Love,
Sharon
196469 tn?1365387975
I can't imagine what you are going thru and my heart breaks for you and your amazing wife.  The 2 of you must have shared so many wonderful hopes and dreams.......hold on to the good memories and I pray for strength for you and Donna.

Heidi
543028 tn?1282428826
From what i know of Donna from the forums and knowing how she made me feel ... She NEVER met a stranger She Never said a cross word to any of the people here who are in need ... in fact I believe she sought out those of us who were hurting and purposely stretched out her hands in friendship ... she is the most empathetic person i have ever met ... she made me proud to be me and I only knew her in this setting.
Having said that, her love and empathy for you must be extremely magnified as this rare and beautiful soul chose YOU to share her life :) I know she wants the very best for you and the best tribute that I believe you can give her is to live your life to the fullest and follow your dreams .. be true to your emotions and seek help when you need it ... she wants you to love yourself.  I have been give this rare gift of your wife's friendship and I pray I can see this through with the same grace as she is.

If you read "The five people you meet in Heaven," or see it as I believe it has been made into a movie, it may help you with your loss.

Gracious Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of Donna's friendship, I thank you for all of the people she has touched and the enduring gift of her beautiful sweet spirit ... I pray she runs towards your outstretched arms and into your glory, leaping and laughing all the way ....  I pray her husband and all that she loves the strength and peace needed to carry on your will, here on earth, for your servants sake
in the precious name of your son, Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour,
Amen.
Love
Sharon
354706 tn?1279470795
It hurts to read your message. May you find peace within yourself.
178345 tn?1242536246
I dont think I could say anything better than what these women have said to help you..I can tell you that I lost my Mother when I was 20..hardest thing I have ever endured...She was 44!  What got me through it and still gets me through it is how I keep reminding myself how lucky I was to have such a great Mother for as long as I did..I tell myself how some people don't even get that chance...You and Donna were lucky to find the love that you share....some people go a lifetime without being able to share their life with someone, without ever knowing what real love is...Donna is a wonderful woman ....find comfort in knowing when the time comes that she is at peace and no more pain...These are things that have helped me find comfort in letting my mother go.  Cherish all the memories and God will guide you the rest of the way....My prayers will be with you and Donna...Love, Gia
398758 tn?1248220291
Every one of us is crying after reading your incredible post.  I agree with everyone else, and only add that she is SO lucky to have such a loving husband.  Please let us help you through this, as it's obvious that you have been such a pillar of strength.  All of us are sending you our love and prayers.
Kathy
488689 tn?1337993158
The love you have for Donna is overwhelming and your post made me feel so helpless to find word that could comfort you now. Love is eternal, she will always be with you. You will never loss her love, it will be all around you everyday of your life to keep you strong and to keep you going to honor her life. Your not a weakling though you may feel that way, no man that could express his love for his wife the way you have would have a weak bone in his body. You and Donna are in my prayers, and I pray God will help you find peace. God Bless you both.
Valerie
282804 tn?1236833591
Johnny you know that Cory and I think the world not only of Donna, but you as well.  We enjoyed our visit so much and I am grateful that Donna chose not to listen to her Dr or we would not have had that time.  I know you have tons of memories of Donna and those will sustain you if you let them be happy memories instead of unhappy ones.

Donna has said that she is concerned that the things she cares about most won't be taken care of and that is you and the dogs.  You have to be strong for her and let her know she has nothing to worry about.  I do know how hard this is on you.  I have seen the tortured look on your face and it broke my heart, but Donna needs you now.  I know why you don't feel up to the task but the others are right, you need to do for Donna the only thing you can do and that is comfort and reassure her. Let her know that you will be okay.  You know what she wants for you. Find a good support group, & a church you like, maybe that one whose minister came to see Donna, and get your life back to what it should be.  She wants you to find a companion, because you are not a good loner.  I worry about the same thing with Cory, he is not good at being alone.  You also have to let Donna know that it is alright to let go.You can do this, I know it.

You know that we will be there for you as much as we possibly can.  Anything we can do, anytime we can come down and help you, we will. Whatever you want or need, we promised Donna we would help you and watch out for you so we will. Besides we were pretty fond of you too.

We pray everyday for what Donna has asked us to pray for and we pray that you will find peace in your heart and soul.
Love,
Jan
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