surviving victim of cancer

[msjazz]

how do you live without a spouse? Donna Marshall is my eyes,legs, feet,hands,mind and body. I am not as strong. I am a weakling. Without her, I too wont will not survive.. I can't save her. Thanks for helping her through her friends with MH. She is not with the better man yet. Donna is stilll with me.   Johnny Marshall

[lvfrogs]

Johnny,
Everyone has so eloquently stated how wonderful and amazing Donna is! Your pain and your love shines through so clearly in your post. We are here for you whenever you need it as Donna has been here for us.  She is very much loved by everyone on this forum.  I can only offer my prayers for you both, for comfort from the Lord.  Love, Colleen

[Steve H]

Hi, firstly, let me say I know exactly where you are at this point, my wife Violet died 6th Jan this year, she was my 1st girl friend at school, at 13 yrs; we married at 18, and had 32 yrs of happy marriage with 2 great kids. You describe Donna in the same way as I did with Violet. I would love to say 'it's no big deal', but I would be lying. It is very hard to be where you are, I can remember each minute/second during the last few hours. BUT, please remember, try not to show too much of your emotions, yes cry with her, tell her that you love her, if you are up to talking about plans, then do so, as if Donna sees this she will feel comfort that you can cope, as Violet’s greatest fear was me! Yes these amazing ladies don’t fear for themselves but for others around them! Okay inside, you are breaking up, stomach in knots, it hard, but try not to show it.
Okay, the next part, to me was the hardest, when she moves on, free at last from pain and suffering, ‘why her, why this, if only we tried this or that’ you will shout, its natural, first sorrow, then anger, then realization, then guilt. All this happens, so don’t feel bad about it. I was lucky my son and daughter were beside me, we helped each other, please Johnny, find someone, as you will need someone during this period. Then you will start organization mode, making the necessary arrangement, this help keep the mind busy.
In time, you will feel guilty, ‘I didn’t do this with Donna, etc’, at this point, try to remember the good times you had together, laugh at the funny things you did together, don’t worry of those around you think. It’s the lonely night times I feel it most, yes I still get sad thoughts 9 months later, yes I still cry, I still find it difficult to talk about my wife, so will never say it goes away, buy it DOES get a little easier. Remember the good times, but also the bad, remember the pain Donna suffered, but then remember ‘she is no longer in pain, not suffering’. I was never really a ‘true believer’, but I am now, look for the little signs, they come, they can be felt. My wife loved sitting in our small study, it caught the sun in summer and winter, this is now ‘her room’, we have her on the mantle shelve, (she wanted to come home to stay with us, so her ashes are here) we have pictures of her in funny poses, with her family all over the walls, it helps me ‘just to sit’ sometimes to talk to her. She listens! I hope this helps a bit,from someone who has been in the place you are now, you can contact me any time, just drop me a note and somehow I will try to get you my e mail to you. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Steve H

[Brownie3321]

Johnny, you are in my prayers. Much love, Deandra

[PinkTissue]

bump

[Janet535]

Your posting touched my heart as it has so many others. I am so, so very sorry you have had to go through all this pain and heart ache. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it has been for you to watch your beloved wife battle this awful disease.

But it is more than obvious you have been of great support and comfort to her. I hope when the time comes, you find the comfort and support you need to help you through this.

God bless you both.
Janet

[Jan214]

Johnny you know that Cory and I think the world not only of Donna, but you as well.  We enjoyed our visit so much and I am grateful that Donna chose not to listen to her Dr or we would not have had that time.  I know you have tons of memories of Donna and those will sustain you if you let them be happy memories instead of unhappy ones.

Donna has said that she is concerned that the things she cares about most won't be taken care of and that is you and the dogs.  You have to be strong for her and let her know she has nothing to worry about.  I do know how hard this is on you.  I have seen the tortured look on your face and it broke my heart, but Donna needs you now.  I know why you don't feel up to the task but the others are right, you need to do for Donna the only thing you can do and that is comfort and reassure her. Let her know that you will be okay.  You know what she wants for you. Find a good support group, & a church you like, maybe that one whose minister came to see Donna, and get your life back to what it should be.  She wants you to find a companion, because you are not a good loner.  I worry about the same thing with Cory, he is not good at being alone.  You also have to let Donna know that it is alright to let go.You can do this, I know it.

You know that we will be there for you as much as we possibly can.  Anything we can do, anytime we can come down and help you, we will. Whatever you want or need, we promised Donna we would help you and watch out for you so we will. Besides we were pretty fond of you too.

We pray everyday for what Donna has asked us to pray for and we pray that you will find peace in your heart and soul.
Love,
Jan