Avatar universal

Am I experiencing trauma or PTSD?

I already felt I was experiencing trauma or PTSD when my dad's 32 year old younger girlfriend got pregnant. She had the baby 4 months early and he died 3 days later. I lost a baby brother. This was the first major traumatic event in my life. A year later the same thing happened with my sister. She hady nephew 4 months early and he fought in the NICU for 3 months. We thought surely he would make it and then he took a then for the worst. After losing two babies in my life a brother and a nephew, my mother died. She died about a month ago and it was unexpectedly. I woke up to my sister screaming and I ran into our living room to find my mother slumped off the couch with glazed eyes and purple lips. I am only 17 years old. I am having nightmares of my mother which contain very graphic details. In one dream she was laying on the couch back alive only to die again. The next dream I had to explain to her that she was full of formaldehyde and that she was about to die. Another dream she was standing in our kitchen with me and I was having to explain to her why we had an autopsy performed on her. At times I can't sleep other times I can't help but sleep. I even fall asleep at school and sleep through my classes which I never did. I cry every day and feel that I am constantly suffocating. I can't get the situation or the image of her the morning we found her out of my head. I can't even go back to my house without feeling like I'm going insane. I don't know life as what it used to be. It is as if I can't remember how things were before this happened. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am currently taking Zoloft. But I feel things are alot worse for me now. With the other major events that have happened this last one has really done it for me. I dread getting out of bed in the mornings I can't do things like I used to. Nothing is the same. I feel as if I can't function and I pretty much don't. I dread everything and have nothing to live for. I love and miss my mother so much but I feel too traumatized to even mourn normally.. I am habing issues with the thoughts and images that haunt me and they won't go away.
4 Responses
675718 tn?1530033033
I take Zoloft 200mg/day you are not alone my friend I joined support groups for addictions and mental disorder  K
20146022 tn?1493509473
You aren't alone! I have PSTD from losing my baby brother, who was born 4 months early.
1353681 tn?1387083733
Hi Noname; I'm so sorry about your losses. Huggg. You are so strong. SO strong to be dealing with this, and still trying to trudge foreward. You are NOT going insane, and it is natural to feel such sadness , grief and even fear after your mom passed, or anyone of the family for that matter. You have a LOT to live for , you DO. *Huggggg. You have your mom's spirit and life to live for, and she would WANT you to, did you know that???? Here is my suggestion, I have had a LOT of anxiety in past b/c of trauma from my parents (abuse for many years). I started to research how to relieve anxiety (similar to depression). I found Byron Katie, a philosopher and woman who wanted to die herself, who is amazing.. check out her website ok? It is thework.com. It is VERY good. She takes ANY stressful or sad thought, even the thought 'my mom is gone ' (she has done that one) and asks the person to turn it AROUND. To find what the truth really is; which is, my mom is NOT gone. What are ways in which your mom is NOT gone? She is in your heart, she is in the music you hear, she is in everythng... you will be ok friend, you WILL, just remember you need to still function and live and do what YOU want; who knows how much time ANY of us have ?? Be in this moment ONLY. There is no way your mom could not be with you *hugggg.
Avatar universal
It sounds like complex grief and prolonged PTSD.  I am not a doctor...but if you were my daughter, I would suggest blood work to determine the best antidepressant and anxiety medications that your body is responsive to for some relief.  This won't make up for all the loss and pain, but will help you to feel more grounded as you go through trauma and grief counseling once a week.  If you had PTSD before...it sounds like it has been activated by the losses.  God Bless you and many prayers for some comfort.
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