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Concerns about new process

Hello! I've bee. On Methadone foe about 4 years now and decided to take that route after my doctor had me taking nearly 5 Percocet 30s a day and my life and pain revolved around taking my medication! I couldn't live like that anymore...yes I have 3 herniated disks, kidney disease, and mitral valve prolapse but I couldnt allow my life to continue on this needy path. I enrolled myself in the Methadone program to come off of the large road my pain doctor had placed me on....I began at 30mg and they increased me all the way to 93mg and I remained their for nearly a year and a half and now begged be begin my decrease. The physician I have wanted my life to stable out before putting my life through the decrease in meds just in case my body withdrawals from the downgrades. Two years ago I managed to successfully escape a seriously abusive relationship with an individual that truly caused the PTSD that I now have to live with and try to control along with kidnapping my 3 year old for the last 9 months because I refused to return to him....last week I finally received the news that he was found! My now 4 year old weighs 12 pounds less than he did 9 months ago when he was entering 5T clothing that I filled the closet with and now is barely in a 3T....i see his twitches and the same panic that I have during certain situations, noises, smells, words, actions...it doesn't stop...basically I wanted to vent and hope that out there are people that can maybe give me advice on how to remain strong and rebuild my loving son from the terrified little boy that he now is...to deal with the breakdown each time I have to force him to now still visit with him despite him kidnapping him for 9 months! Our judicial system is a joke! I have caught so very much and believe me I tried every route possible to get these horrible people to be held accountable for what they have allowed to happen to my son and my family. Finally it has taken me needing to work 2 full time jobs to pay for an attorney to obtain written statements from a judge to keep my ex away and some how ensure us all of our safety. I know I need to remain strong and rebuild what I once had in my loving little family...but can anyone explain how I can accomplish this while taking care of my health and coming off of these medications that have rulled my life for so long....is surgery for my disks the better route or...yoga...or electronic disks, I don't know I just need some kind of encouragement to understand that I am still alive, that I have made it...that God willing he will not continue to destroy my life and try to control me. Thank you kindly!
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