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How do I move on with my life....for real?

My ex-husband beat me senseless for no reason or for stupid reasons....it has caused me to ruin relationships or run from perfect men....I always have a "happy" face on but deep inside I am scared and alone.
My fiance is loving and caring and nothing like anyone I have ever been with....but I'm scared to be with him and I have feelings like I don't deserve to be with someone so good....
Am I the only one feeling like this?

Jennifer
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4190741 tn?1370177832
What usually happens when a woman is abused, is that the woman starts thinking in the  " All or none"  mode.  Your thinking that all men are bad and that none would be better for you is very common.

I am wondering if you have sought out therapy for the past issues that are still affecting you today.  There are many battered women support groups that you might find help you gain some insight into your past and also into your future with your fiancee.

Good luck to you

M
Helpful - 0
675718 tn?1530033033
I agree I learned this too late in life LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
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Avatar universal
Considering your past, I think this is pretty normal.  You are certainly not alone.  Abusers strip their victims of their self worth and self esteem.  The victim, because of being treated like trash begins to see themselves as trash.

Have you considered seeing a therapist?  I would...  There is the old addage "fake it until you make it" but in my opinion that is just a false front until you do finally get some help.  A therapist will break the situation down for you and show you how to recognize your worth to yourself and to other people.  Slowly you will learn to trust.

I'd agree that not every woman NEEDS a man.  But if you WANT one in your life, you need to work on yourself and make yourself whole again, before you can truly give to another and receive from another.  It is very common for people in your shoes to ruin subsequent relationships, or on the other hand fall into another abusive relationship.

The key is, work on you.  Seek the help of a professional and perhaps look for groups.  I think you will find that groups are very supportive and you get to talk face to face with people who've walked or are walking in your shoes.  There is great support and help there.
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Avatar universal
Right on! Great post. I have been there Jennifer. You are not alone and must learn that YOU ARE WORTHY of LOVE and RESPECT...BLESSED BE my friend. My prayers are with you
Helpful - 0
1696489 tn?1370821974
Hello, Jennifer.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Abusers remove your ability to feel any self-worth.  When you feel worthless, you you feel miserable and unhappy.  And since you no longer have the appropriate social skills to create a better love-life, you screw them up.  RIGHT?  Thought so.  :-)  You don't need a man, Jennifer.  NO WOMAN NEEDS A MAN.  Women are plenty strong, intelligent, worthy, and beautiful, all in their own right, AND THAT INCLUDES YOU.  I am not telling you to avoid men.  I am telling you that you don't need them to be happy and self-sufficient.  Before you can even hope to love another person, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF  FIRST.  That means get your eyes off the floor, and LOOK.  Look people straight in the eyes, hold your head high, and just SMILE.  Maybe a 'hello' would be alright too.  I have so much more I can share with you, but I don't know enough about your situation.  You may pvt message me anytime.  Blessings - Blu
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