Is my Husband a Post Traunatic Stress victim ?

[vlollie]

My husband was married before and lost his son to a drowning and then his wife to a unsavable marriage. We have now been married for 8 years and he is very jealous and often very unreasonable. He is constantly finding wrong in whatever we ( our two daughters and I ) do. He is very hard and almost reluctant to let us into his heart. He accises me of having affairs with men of all races and sizes (even my father has been named) He is very hard to please and seems to not want anyone to tske care of him. He seems to believe that he is not loveable by anyone and finds it hard to believe me when I profess my love to him.

He is sexually overactive asif he is compensating for something. Could this be Post Traumatic Stress from losing so much in so little time and nor being able to work through it properly ?

Vlollie

[concerned621]

Whether it is PTSD or not it is abusive towards you and your daughters.  If allowed to go on it could become physically dangerous and the message it sends to your daughters is wrong.  He has had tremendous loss and as women we feel so badly and want to fix things.  It sounds like it's more than his loss at work here.  Do you know what he was like before he was with you?  Don't forget to take care of yourself.

[Jaybay]

How sad.  What I'm seeing is a man who is absolutely terrified of losing yet another family.  He can't let you all get close enough to hurt him again.

Men can be difficult to convince that they need to see a therapist.  It's taken me years to finally get my husband to go.  Instead of beating him over the head, I took the lead.  I needed a pain psychologist anyway and have been going for about 5 years.  Best thing I ever did - for both of us.  Gradually, my husband started asking questions about therapy and attended a session with me.  He finally realized he couldn't deal with the PTSD by himself and is getting treatment.

Even if your husband refuses therapy, you should investigate it for yourself.  You can hopefully learn more effective ways to cope with the abusive behavior for your own sake and your daughters.  That alone will be a big change for him to cope with, and might just set an example of the good things that can happen in therapy.  Don't give up yet!

[margypops]

Your husband has certainly been through a lot of trauma , it seems as if he does need some professional help, the way he behaves sounds abusive ,this is not good for your daughters and I feel you need to protect them. So tell him he has to get some help,that you will leave if he doesnt ,If he loves you he will get the help he needs ,you cannot spend your life like this and subject your children to it .Good luck

[SophieShine]

Hi and welcome to the forum!
From what you're describing it sounds more like a very deep depression to me but I'm not a doctor. Losing a child is the most difficult thing to go thru, it's against nature and soooo overwhelming emotionally.
Does he go to therapy? Is he using any meds? I don't mean to be nosy but a lil more info could help us giving you a better feedback.
And please don't forget about yourself, it must be extremely difficult for you to live under the circumstances you're describing, not to mention your daughters. Please think about them too...
Best of luck to you. xoxoxo. sophie.