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PTSD / Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Community
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Avatar universal

Need helpful advice!!!

Good day,
My name is Sabrina...I am married unhappily for 16 years...I am 40 years old.  I met this one guy online about 3 mths back who I fell immediately in love w/.  He has PTSD was serving in the military and is now on disability leave.  So basically has allot of time on his hands.  He was so kind to me but I lied to him from the get go.  I told him I was single, no kids and much younger than what I actually was.  I did it cause I thought he was a safe bet being so far in OK…not realizing how hard I will fall for him later on…I wasn’t looking for sex.  I was looking to find someone to have a more intimate conversations with.  In less than a mth he found out everything...everything I lied about my age/my marriage/my kids.  I was so scared cause I sent him pics and texts and I was afraid he will tell my husband everything…he threatened to tell him everything if I left him.  I gave him the option to leave the day he found out...I told him I couldn't tell him which was the truth cause he told me his first wife cheated on him and he hated that.  This guy is 30 of course much younger than me and has allot of time on his hands.  He still wanted to stick around and actually paid me a surprise viist to CO.  He came and we had a good time...but he was always getting upset about why I was still w/my husband.  The chemistry between us was great!  I haven't been w/allot of men including him I have only been w/3.  My marriage to my husband was completely arranged by my religion.  I was unhappy for a long time and I thought I finally found the perfect guy.  He had trust issues didn't like the fact that I went out w/my friends and any guys I spoke to he thought I was flirting and I am not like that.  After he came to see me the first time he came back again to CO and he left again in anger.  Just out of the blue just left w/so much anger towards me that he sent my husband a text stating tell your wife to leave me alone and she is talking to other men.  At this point I didn't care I don't know I was honestly blinded here was like my dream guy we had so much in common n he was everything what I wanted in a man...attentive, caring and just wanted to know everything about me.  I told him things about my kids, my family everything, I confided in him about so many things but most importantly my body...I lost allot of weight after having my kids but I was still out of shape and felt so insecure about my body...always had cause the way I was raised by my mom who constantly put me down.  I told him all that.  That is why I have been w/so few men cause I never ever ever thought of myself as attractive.  After he came here to CO second time...i went to visit him in OK.  There my husband found out everything...I was devastated but yet relieved that I dont' have to hide anymore.  When I came back I told my husband I want a divorce and I was so happy that I get to be w/this guy...but less than a week later...he told me he has been talking to someone else and not to contact him anymore.  I did all he asked me to do, I filed for divorce, treated him w/respect,  cooked for him did everything and now he wants me out of his life.  I asked him why and he told me I was the ugliest person he has ever been w/.  I was old and he was not attracted to me at all.  Nothing about me he liked...he said he hated everything about me.  Kept calling me ugly and he was w/someone who is so much more attractive and caring when all I have been was caring towards him.  Never made him insecure or anything.  He kept saying I have the one of the worst body he has ever ever seen. Just completely put me down...the one thing I kept telling him I was insecure about he used it against me and called me everything I was insecure about.
So now I can't contact him he said if I tried to contact him he will send my husband all my pics and texts where I will lose my kids...so I haven't contacted him but I still have no clue what I did wrong and now when I am doing what he has wanted me to do...he left me in such a horrible way.
I want him back…I don’t know if this is his PTSD…but I want him back.  How do I get him back.  I have no way of contacting him.  I did so much for him I treated him kindly…did things for him that no other women have n he has told me that in the beginning.  I got him a new phone n as soon as I did…he changed his number n now I have no way of contacting him ever.  

What can I do please help me…this was a guy that was so into me n just like that he stopped caring for me.  I asked him last time before he ended everything did he ever love me n he said never.
4 Responses
675718 tn?1530036633
PTSD breaks a persons will to continue they become broken and it stays with me for nineteen years now and seems to keep coming back idk what to say other than he might come back to you im not sure :)
Avatar universal
This must be a difficult time for you.  I would like to start off by telling you that I am not trying to offend you.  Some of this may sound harsh, but everything about infidelity is harsh.

First of all, the internet is a horrible way to meet someone.  When you take into account that you were lying to him, he was lying to you... the relationship was based on lies from the get go.  The internet allows so much anonymity... you can't see the other person, you can't hear the tone of their voice, you can't see their expressions and when you add all of that together, you really don't know who you're dealing with.  In essence, you get caught up with YOUR IDEA of that person and not the real person.

PTSD may be the real issue here, or it may be a combination of the PTSD, infidelity and all of the lies.  Unfortunately, there are no easy answers for PTSD or the infidelity.

I ruined a good portion of my life because of infidelity and PTSD.  
Avatar universal
This may seem harsh and judgmental but maybe that is the exact clarity you need.

I am confused how you can be completely baffled by his actions.

You betrayed and abandoned your husband, the father of your children...
You came to the decision to do this in less then 2 months...
You know he has already suffered betrayal from one wife...
You know that he knows you lie excessively...

What are you expecting, a white picket fence dream marriage?

There is a very old saying that has proven true time and time again...

We reap what we sow.
1 Comments
Avatar universal
typo... 2=3
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