PTSD and Hospital Trauma

[ciqala]

Sometimes the worst kind of abuse is that which happens when you are a child, and they are important trusted individuals like doctors, but your body is put through horrible surgeries and experiences and you don't understand.
What happens to those kids? I know it has ruined me. I can't set foot in a hospital now without panic attacks.
Just recently flashbacks have come back. I never thought those horror stories of anesthetic gone wrong ever happened to me, until i remembered it. They had my eyelids clamped up as they cut the back of my eye muscles with scalpels. I coudn't talk. But they had me awake enough and demanded that i stare straight ahead. I had to stare straight without moving my eyes, or blinking or else they would cut the wrong muscle. The worst part was i could feel EVERYTHING. The anesthetic and freezing wasn't working, and i couldnt talk to tell them to stop.

I just recently got hair dye in my eyes. I can't put drops in my own eyes. My mom had to come over and flush my eyes out, and it was so scary for some reason. It brought back flashbacks so extreme, i had a panic attack, couldn't breathe.
If anything PTSD from my childhood of different surgeries has made me ANGRY at doctors and hospitals. THERE is nothing done after people come out of surgery. Those people NEED counselling to deal with the after shock. They are lied to all the time. "Oh it won't hurt".
I just met a man who had the same skin cancer surgery as I when i was 13. He is in his fifties. And even he is dealing with horrible trauma issues, depression and horrible mental after affects. They did not do anything to help his mental well being after the surgery. He could not comprehend how a young girl could go through having half her face cut off, the same as he. Even though he is old, his confidence... is shot.
There seriously needs to be more awareness about that. People should always go through counselling after any type of surgery, because it is traumatic. Especially children!!!!!
What can I do to bring more awareness to this? It makes me so mad... surgeons should have counselling lined up in hospitals actually... for their patients.
There are so many different mental stages of the process of the after effect. People can't always deal with it on their own. Especially if the surgery is extensive.

[imirish69]

I had a hysterectomy in Oct 2009. Cliffs Notes version; they cut my colon, told me I had gas, I had 105 degree fever, pain I have never been able to describe.I don't remember much but I do remember begging/crying asking the doc to not let me die, I knew I was dying. Finally, 77 hrs later, they took me back for a 2nd surgery. It took 7 1/2 hrs to clean my abdominal cavity and remove 13 inches of necrotic colon and give me a colostomy bag.Nurses even went to my fiance and told him if he didn't get me out of there, I was going to die. That's exactly what he did once I was out of ICU. Many surgeries later, still sick as a dog, finally got admitted yet again and found out there was a rectal/vaginal fistula and intrabdominal abcess from the 13 inches of colon they had originally dissected, they left it in my abdomen and sewed me back up.
Now I had to have half my rectum, half my vagina, a portion of the intrabdominal wall, my last ovary and 8 more inches of colon removed due to the last infection/abcess which was identified as E. Coli.
In May 2010, I had to have an emergency removal of 8 inches of small bowel from an obstruction from scar tissue.
I will never be the same, I am forever ruined. At the same time, I am so blessed. I have family that loves me, a great job, great friends and many other wonderful things in my life that I enjoy.
I have been through hell and even though I have horrible nightmares, I dream often the doc is in my room ( night terrors) and flashbacks, I can't sit in a dr office without crying.
I have been diagnosed as a severe case of PTSD. Let me add that even though I have suffered, I am so thankful to be alive. Life is hard and when we go through such horrific things, whether they be medical negligence, accidents, war, etc
.The thing I always try and remind myself when I am feeling down and sick and pissed off is, "There is always someone worse off than me."
I have a roof over my head, a job, grown children I am incredibly close to and proud of, a wonderful, albeit, cranky at times husband, lol. He stuck by me when he didn't have to. He did things no man should ever have to do. He did them, all the while, telling me we would get through this together. We did.
I have just this past Friday been told I have had a stroke, a mild one but it has left me with what is known as "Cheiro Oral Syndrome". The Factor V Leiden may kill me one day, or, I may get hit by a bus, who knows? One thing I DO know, reaching out and talking about it, seeing a great psychiatrist and sharing my story has helped me work through all of htese things. I go Monday and get ultrasound on my carotid arteries and heart.
But guess what? I'm alive to have to have to go do these things.
I pray every single one of you can find peace and forge ahead into this great thing we call life.
Hold your head high and remember that God made you special and gave you all a talent to share.

[mikeinohio271]

i can completely relate to you except i wasnt a child i was 34 i had heart surgery and 15 to 30 minutes in iwoke up strapped to the table with a breathingtube stuffed down my throat and couldnt tell them that i could feel every little thing they were doing inside my chest all i could do was lay there in agony while the doctor talked about his golf condo down in florida and his new hot girfriend well during this 4 hr procedure my heart and mind couldnt take the pain anymore and i had a heart attack on the table and of course not being dead yet i felt and heard everything being done to me including the 3 shocks to my heart from the paddles they stuck in my chest when i got to recovery i told the nurse about it and the***** had the gall to tell me i was dreaming from the anestheia until i described for her in great detail what i fealt and heard she turned white as a ghost and walked away but its all in my head right i feel your pain dear and if you need to talk i am here
mikeinohio271

[Dazon50]

It is good you are sharing this.  It happens more often than the average person realizes.  I remember talking with someone who had been through horrendous experiences and how it was swept under the rug.  She felt there seemed to be a conspiracy of sorts amongst the hospitals/doctors similar to the church with the priests to buy off or keep surgeries, etc. gone wrong secret.  She said no one wanted to talk about it.

Later, I went through a botched follow-up on a pituitary tumor removal where the needle for a test had pierced my vein and the dye was going into the tissue.  I had been told to lie still and I kept trying to say, "help" and lift my fingers as it was getting to be excruciatingly painful.  Finally a tech noticed and came over.  She said, you should have screamed.  I said, you said to lie still.  I ended up with a golf ball sized swelling in the crook of my arm and even now many years later, I will get pain in that area.  This happened at Penrose Hospital in Co. Springs.  I never complained to the hospital.  I was young and because they were the professionals, I went along with it.  

I agree with Margypops that you follow what you are passionate about in making others aware to help them.  Being traumatized disrupts life in many ways.  Trust is broken and people won't go to see Doctors when they should out of fear of what could happen.  People are often not properly prepared for such things for many reasons. Let's examine and talk about the reasons to see what can be done to change things.  We excuse away so much as adults because there are SO MANY things wrong in life, blah, blah....what can we do????

Maybe this is your mission in life and you will be the one who will be the change you wish to see in the world!

Thank you for sharing.

[margypops]

Do what you have done here , make folks aware ... write about it where folks want knowledge ...it is good to be passionate about something and try to help others , remember also you have to move on with your own life traumatic as it has been ...Maybe a time coming up for you to focus on getting past what you suffered ..its hard but many have done it ask Narla she has been a success and has told her story here and helped many  ....Good luck you sound like a winner ...

[drifter0213]

there should be counseling for medical problems like this i attend group therapy and it is horrible to have to go through something like this. you both have a lot of courage to have to endure something like this. i have PTSD from combat and still have flashbacks and nightmares of what i went through :)

[narla]

I had surgery on my eyes when I was 4 and can remember the fear and not understanding what they were doing to me,I also had a craniotomy (brain surgery) at 38 although I don't remember the surgery it was horrible when I came back to consciousness,half my head was shaved and I had 20 staples,I felt like Frankenstein,I ended up getting them to shave all my hair off because I had really long hair and it looked stupid.Now I can't wear it long anymore because when it grew back it was really fine and it looks horrible,you can still see my scalp through my hair it's that thin,my surgery was 10 years ago and I still deal with how it changed me.

Denise