600462 tn?1220457989

Post Tramatic Stress

My 18 year old grandson, Neil, (white caucasian) has been diagnosed with PTSS and Dysthemia with suicidal attempts by a doctor in a Juvenile Drug and Alcohol treatment center. (He did get his H.S. diploma while he was there) The doctor said that he had bee misdiagnosed by the school system and his illness was caused by the desertion of his mother and father. His mother left him with his daddy and took three other children with her when he was 6 yrs old. Since he was in the 2nd grade he has had learning disabilities and was placed in a Special Education program. He has lived with us most of his life except for time when his daddy tried to take care of him. There were always distress calls and I had to go get him because his daddy was an Alcoholic. When Neil was ten we got custody of him so that he could have surgery on his right ear to remove a Colesatoma (I don't know about the spelling) from behind his eardrum. His ear was removed and tubes were placed in his ears. His tonsils and adenoids were removed also. He regained his hearing back after there had been a 50% loss. At 13 yrs old his daddy left him with us and didn't come back for him. Neil started running away from home when he was 15 and has spent 3 years of his life in Juvenile detention centers and finally at 18 he went and joined his daddy. He continued to do drugs and wanted to sell them. He is spending the next six months in jail for breaking probation. Neil daddy cannot handle him and doesn't want him. Neil found his mother and she doen't want him because she has a drug and alcohol problem too.and has given up seven of her children. Neil is begging to come back to us but after suffering through three of juvenile courts and distress of my I own I do not feel that I am capable to handle him either. He has proved that he will go right back to the drugs as soon as he gets out of any treatment program. He doesn't realize the damage that he is doing to himself and others. Teh mental health doctor who has been treating him since he was 13 recommends residential treatment but our millitary insurance will not pay for it. I believe he wants to come here  is because his old girlfriend that he had know since he was 10 is turning 18 soon and he wants to hook up with her. I believe she may have had plenty to do with aggravating his condition since he was 10 yrs old. She told him that she was smoking opium with her friends on weekends. I feel so guilty and responsible plus I really feel sorry for him because I know why he has turned out like this. I also fee that his daddy should take responsibility for him not us. After all he is his father. (He has stopped drinking)His daddy kicked him out before he got locked up this time. He doesn't have anywhere to go when he gets out of jail. My question is can he be helped and who would take on this young man. The military doesn't want him either. I realize had desperate this situation is since my sister just lost her oldest son  at 42 yrs old after a reckless life addicted to drugs.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Can you get together with a counselor, your son, and perhaps the boy, to decide on how all of you can best help him?

Will your ins pay for a psychological treatment facility, since he has PTSD. Would this even work, with the drug problems?

Maybe you could write down all the kinds of emotional support you CAN give him, and get his father to do the same.

My nephew died at 10 of a Valium overdose. For the rest of my life, his unnecessary death will make me sad.
Avatar universal
While I cannot offer much advise, I understand the frustration and difficulties you and your family face dealing with a loved one with drug/mental problems.  We've been there, done that.  Your grandson is now considered an adult so there is little you can do to curtail his behaviors, not that much was effective when you had some control over him anyway.  And really,  if someone is on the path of addiction and criminal behaviors there is little you can do to influence him anyway.  Of course, you can't just "throw him away" but allowing him back into your home would probably not benefit him and would drive you nuts and possibly pose a dangerous situation for your household.  If you suspect that he wants to hook up with his old girlfriend, there is nothing you can do about that except not allow him to do it under your roof.  People of this age and situation can be very resourceful when pursuing their wants.
Perhaps there is a group-home setting that would suit his housing needs.  His probation officer might be able to suggest where to find some type of help for him.  Too bad the courts have not ordered him into a long term treatment center.  Some states will pay for this as it cost less than jail or prison.    Get a referral from social services or the county for a counselor who can help you sort this out.  
You might consider joining a support group for yourself such as AA or NA to keep your sanity.  They can offer you insight, support and suggestions.  Sometimes you have to "let go and let God" as we all have our free will.  You are right. His father should take responsibility for him.  For one his is younger than you to handle the stress, 2nd he was part of the problem by abandoning him, 3rd - he has some insight on addictions and how to overcome them.  And finally it is his responsibility that he shunned his son years ago but it is STILL his responsibility and it's time for him to own up to it. Good luck to you.  I know it is heartbreaking and can take you to your wits end.  Send out some SOS calls and see what services are to be had in your state and county.  
Avatar universal
Great advice. So practical.
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