your wife needs MEDICAL and or NEUROLOGICAL exams to check for SEIZURES- (uncontrollable brain dysfunction though they can be treated with medication)
It sounds like she may likely be having these seizures-- which are induced- or caused/ triggered by extreme STRESS and / or ANGER...
YOU- need to get Counseling and maybe ANGER management classes.... Your outbursts may be the very situation triggering her 'seizures' ......
Please, please seek medical attention immediately for your wife, and counseling for both of you.
It sounds like she has a seizure of some kind. She is not doing it on purpose. Do you have any doctor she can see?
As for you, it hardly matters if the whole family knows you have a hot temper. You need to learn other ways to cope with anger and frustration besides yelling at your wife and expecting an apology. You think that will solve the problem but it won't; you will be just as frustrated next time. Is there nobody who you respect that can advise you of other ways to cope with anger?
You act like your wife is doing things deliberately in order to make you angry, but it really sounds like she is not doing any of these things purposely. Given that, you two need to work on: why she has a seizure and what triggers it and what can be done about it, and what you can do to respond differently to anger and frustration. If she is trying to tell you she is doing the best that she can, and learning as well as she can, you scolding her is not going to give her more capacity to learn. She might be at her limit.
I think you have miss-understood what i am trying to say in my above case, i am not easy to get angry but i also a human too, i got patient and limits of her keep repeating the same mistakes, i did not yell or scream or even shout at her, it is just my voice raised up and my face looks angry, i also know that she is not doing this in purpose, i have tried to talk to her for several times in cool conversation (as always and as usual in our per day conversation), we really love each other and we have been married for more than 9 years, the thing i am asking above is. what is her situation call and how it can be treated? i have described my self above there is to let the doctors or the person who has strong knowledge about it, is to let me know the medication of this situation or how to handle her or what is a better alternative ways i should do in when i am in argument with her and she is not accepting the facts and reality of her own mistakes. i have always believed in this sentence "there is no one can get angry, unless someone caused him to be angry ". Thank you very much for your comment. and i appreciate ur concern!
I take you have never made a mistake in your life,you sound as if you are very critical of her,getting angry at someone because they have made a mistake is wrong,we are all human and we all make mistakes.
You said in your post that you have always believed in this sentence "there is no one can get angry, unless someone caused him to be angry.
The same must apply to your wife,You may need to stop causing her to be angry
As for the seizures she needs to see a doctor immediately,they can organise brain scans to make sure there are abnormalities in the brain causing the seizures.
Sounds like a mini breakdown, she had taken enough ...
The sentence "There is no one can get angry unless someone caused him to be angry" is a statement that takes no responsibility for one's actions. In other words, "it's all someone else's fault, not mine. If I yell and act critical, it is someone else making me do it." That is neither realistic nor adult. Of course we are 100% responsible for how we act. We feel the way we feel, but we can control the way we act. If you have a wife who is so stressed by anger that she has a seizure when you get angry, you have to grow up and stop being so visibly angry. She can't help what she is doing, she is having a medical condition. So you need to help her. That is part of being an adult. And, she needs to see a doctor.
If there's one thing I learned while in therapy, it was that we are each "responsible for our own feelings and actions!" NO ONE can MAKE us angry or CAUSE us to be angry, but ourselves. It is only how WE choose to react to the situation. As far as your wife is concerned...she definately needs to see a neurologist quickly!!! Seizures are not something to take lightly, and can be life threatening. Please don't misunderstand those of us here...we are not trying to blame you, but only trying to help a dire situation.
My best to three of you, soon to be four, and keep us up-to-date...we do care.
To Nananeedsthis and Psyvamp. Yes, i agree with you both have been fare in answering what i wanted to know for the situation im facing, and you have answer it very gently and making me even more realize what do i need to do. Some of the above commented hardly and i do not blame them too, because the complement-er above are woman and they have expressed their feeling with emotion and put the 100% blame on me. while i was trying to say i and my wife both are responsible. Anyway, the latest is we have already gone to see a doctor now we are fine and realizing what we need to do when someone of us is angry is to tell the other you are angry and calm down and later on we can continue this conversation and discuss it in high moral. the doctor advise was helped a lot, and thanks for everyone who complemented here too. (WE ARE HAPPY FAMILY 0F 10 YEARS MARRIAGE ALMOST ).
The sezures need to be looked into and there maybe a nuriological problem as well with your wife in that maybe she can't remember how to do things over and over even if she just had done it two minites before. You should try to think of some other things that have been strange that she does (as you think she was agrevating you) maybe there has been somthing else goiing on as well as the things you keep telling her she is doing something wrong. I am a strong willed woman and I can't stand someone to tell me I am doing something wrong especially if I get the task done. It could be that doing something wrong maybe just different than how you would do it but that does not necessarily make it wrong.
I am in agreement that medical attention is a must. This could also be a way she shuts down when you yell at her. You were asking about PTSD and it can come in many forms and for many reasons, you could be hitting a trigger somehow and this may take more attention on the actions but it is a medical determination.Get the scans for her to make sure she is alright. Stress is so hard on the body and everyone copes with it the best they can. I have PTSD so let us know what happens with the scans and then your family can go on from there.
I am truely so glad that you and your wife have seen someone to help you deal with the situation you have been going through. This is a step in the right direction, and I feel that everyone will be much happier for it. But, there is still much to be done. Please, please, take your wife to a neurologist to be evaluated for the seizures. Seizures can be so hard on the body and mind, let alone what they can do to you and the children when she is having one. Think what would happen if you were not there and your children had to deal with their mother having one of her "abnormal behaviors", as you put it, by themselves!!! Something can be done to help her. So please, I AM begging you to do something about it, and soon, as soon as you can get her in. Let us know.
To:nananeedsthis, i have talked to her, but she refused to see neurologist and she told me that she is not sick woman, it is enough that we went to a doctor. Right now she is pregnant and i can not insist her to see the neurologist at this time, i want her to be more relaxed and think of it in her own and to let her willing do it. so my be after she deliver (about 7 months from now) i will talk to her again. At that time i think everything should be alright and smooth. Thank you guys for your concern.Thanks!
i agree with all of the ppl above, but my intuition says theres also some cultural differences here perhaps...maybe ur view on women has made ur actions seem more acceptable. Idk why im getting that idea, but nonetheless, shes definitely having seizures. Perhaps you should evaluate if you really are acting extremely angrily, not judging, because you kept coming back to that as if you had to prove it to us.. Perhaps ur feeling some guilt. To fix the issue try to avoid raising your voice at her at all :)