have i got ptsd, rape? pls read!

[blondie337]

hi, so here goes feel silly writing about this on here but really need help and adviced! i am 21 and when i was child i was sexually assulted and raped and had a violent father, memories of what happend have haunted me since and at the start of the year i was raped, and that has basically has ruined me, i am a hairdresser which i used to love but have lost intrest in, told a few friends bout the rape start of the year but havent told then about when i was younger nobody knws, well apart frm u guys! and 2 weeks a go i slept with someone not beacause i wanted to just because i felt i had to, to try and move on but hated it and regreted it the nxt day. i just feel so down all the time angry and mad tht i let some one rape me at start of year,feel like it was my fault and i shuld be punished.i have lost confidence and just dnt care like i used to, everything is a choir,and am mentally and phycially tired all the time,have lost intrest in everyting,am pushing loved ones away they can sense somthing is up. i try to act normal in front of ppl but am finding tht hard now,i ova eat and then dnt eat for a while, have and am self harming using laxatives, and pills and injurying my self, i really do hate myself so much so i dnt want to be here no more, is this symptoms of ptsd? i knw i need to see my doctor but feel silly and tht i wuld be wasting there time, really dnt knw how to deal with this, wuld be greatful if som1 culd help! sorry its so long. thanx

[broken74]

hello blondie,
                         Im 37 married for ten years and have three girls . i was raped since age 5 till 12 and it came out i couldnt talk about it cause i thought that its was normal and had got used to it. but i was really scared. i was beatin, stabed made to dress up and roll play. at age 16 i quit school in 6 th grade and went to work and it just got harder . at age 18 i tried sueiside bye taking 20,000 mg of eplasee pills. but didnt work and now have scars on brain. after that i went back to work still bottleing it up . i lost instrest in every thing and pushed everyone away. i didnt want people to see me like that. i ahted what i became. i mean i obessest about womens cloths and being raped. everyday it haunted me. at work one time i was going up stairs to work and other consturtion workers and i was sing " hi ho hi ho off to work i go" and it didnt come out like that. i said hi ho hi ho off to suck a d??? i go. i quit that job and fell hard that time. i did that alot you know think onr thing and say another. i  strated not eating and would not eat for two or three days living off of just coffe and cigs. and weed was my best friend. i did know which way to turn and so know i been on soc.sec. for 8 years trying to find myself. i have ptsd bad and feel that no man has ever been down my road. i have learned that i have to take it day bye day or even hour bye hour it just depends . i changed what i could and live with the rest. i really hard . some days i go crazy and have to take min. bye min. and thats hard. i learn that talking to someone can easy the mind for a day or so but if you have a really good friend you can trust then talk it out . today i am me the person that i dont want but i feel good at same time. im wearing womens jeans and underwear. so when you think ur all alone your not . u have a friend and i hope everything works out for you. -broken74  

[des900]

Forgive them,let go that burden from your heart

Start a new life from today onwards & refuse to blame anybody,as it can only ruin you

Your in my prayers

Bye

[blondie337]

thanku for ur posts it has helped me relise tht i do need help, and hopefully will do drs, thanx

[freebird227]

Paths are many for those suffering with your list of feelings,as someone with ptsd my answer to your question is Yes you will more than likely qualify. Thats not a bad thing. Name It And Claim It...Feel It And Heal IT. Knowing what you are dealing with will save you a lot of time and money.
I encourage you to seek out the style of therapy you want to engage in.And begin it now, reclaim your life.
Behavior modifation and a possible anxiety med, could help,The self harm has to stop, that should be your First goal.Then build you a good foundation as to what you are going to do If the bad feelings return, learning some healthier choices.Good Luck

[helplesshopefull]

I am not sure if you have that but I do believe you are incredibly depressed and are blaming yourself for someone elses terrible actions. If you at any point and time of the day feel you would kill yourself(I am not joking) You need to tell someone right away!  You are worth it and depression can damage your mind, body, and spirit.  I am not a medical advisor but I have felt the way you have before. If you do not go seek a professional or a friend who will listen you will run yourself into the ground.  No matter how much it hurts eventually talking about it will help trust me. Even if you have to see a doctor everyweek it is worth it and you should not be ashamed. You should not just dwell on it because it will never get better. I have cried for years until I confided in a friend. Now I am over it and doing alot better it took a long time but trust me once you become happy again you will be so proud of yourself for staying strong and getting through the tough times... even though it is cliche what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. Please talk to someone it will help! :)