you can probably give him time but don't give him space if you know what i mean support him the best way you can
So I need to give him time to sort through his feelings then? Is it normal for people with PTSD to come back to their spouse after they leave or not? All I want to do is be around him and show him I support him, but he won't let me. When you say he is going to be like this for quite some time, how long is normal? (if there is a "normal"). Our counselor said maybe 6 months. I want to give him the time he needs, but I don't know if I can be strong for that long. Every minute is a struggle at times...especially the weekends when I'm not working. I don't want to do anything, so I end up just sitting around, which I know is not good, but I can't motivate myself to do anything else.
realize that it takes time to heal he is going to be like this for quite sometime i am glad you sought counseling that is a big step and remember that time is a healer :)
I just thought of something else...you said PTSD is about extreme fear - could his fear be from being hurt by me? He's told me that he doesn't want to be hurt anymore. And I never intentionally hurt him, but I guess by me not having enough knowledge about PTSD, I did hurt him because I didn't know how to be there for him like I should have been. I wasn't intentionally mean or anything, I just didn't know how to react to him, and so I guess the way I did react to him, made things worse. Oh my....I feel like I just got hit upside the head with a ton of bricks again. I think I just figured him out even more. This has to be what he is struggling with right now because there has not been any major changes in his life. Duh...now what do I do to show him I won't hurt him? I've told him that, but how do I show him. I feel terrible. All I want to do is talk to him, but it seems when I try to do that, it pushes him further away. Should I give him time to think until our next marriage counseling session on the 30th and then tell him all this? I don't want him to think that not hearing from me is because I don't care, but at the same time, I don't want to push him...
Thanks for your answer. I am trying to support him, but right now, all he is doing is avoiding me. I have told him I love him and want to be here for him, but the few times that we've talked since he's been gone, once he admits that he loves me, it seems those are the times I don't hear from him for a few days. I don't know if he's scared that he admitted his feelings or what. The last time he told me that he loved me (which was after our first marriage counseling session 3 days ago), he said he was afraid he'd just given me false hope because he didn't know if we could work out or not. I think that I hurt him because I never really understood the effects of PTSD until I read a booklet on it that our counselor gave me the other day. After I read it, I called him and told him that I understood everything now. I can't believe I was so ignorant. I look back on certain situations and all his reactions make sense now, and I just bust into tears thinking about the way I reacted to it, and how I would react now that my eyes have been opened. How can I show him I support him when he barely talks to me? I don't want to be up in his face because that seems to be when he is forced to face things he doesn't want to - mainly his feelings for me, I think. So do I give him space for a few more days or what? He has mail at our house that he needs, but I'm afraid to even let him know about it because I'm afraid he will think I"m just using it as an excuse to talk to him or get him to come home to get it. Do veterans with PTSD usually come back to the ones they love once they've had time to clear their head as he calls it or face his demons as you said? I just think things would be so much better now, but I'm not sure he'll ever give it a chance. He's told me a couple of times that he's 90% checked out of our relationship. Is that an accurate statement from him when he also says he's not thinking clearly? I just want him home. I hate being in our house without him. I just sit around and wish he was here with me. The last time he was at our house was for an hour or so the other day when he dropped me off after our marriage counseling session. We even joked like we used to about being 80 years old together and on our front porch swing. But once we started talking about that and other things with us in the future is when he said he had to go and was noticeably upset. Why was that? Because he wants that too but can't deal with all his feelings right now or because he didn't really mean to say it? I don't know.....I'm just struggling and I guess looking for any kind of hope there might be. Any thoughts?
i think that the best you can do is to support him he needs you i attend group therapy and i realize there are others like me back then i felt all alone before there was support groups no one could relate to me when i got back to the states all i wanted to do was use alcohol & drugs i suffered before i realized i needed help if you feel like a major change has come on him like fear PTSD is mainly about intense fear and i believe that a man must face his own demons :)