traumatic experience

[what_is]

Ok, I don't want to offend anyone in my post below. I am not a homophobic person, so please do not take this the wrong way. This was just a deeply personal thing that has affected me.

About two years ago, I called up this commercial sex worker from the FEMALE sex workers section. I went over to meet her up and she gave me a lap dance. She was naked and she had breasts and a vagina . At the time I had no doubt she was a she.

About a month later I found out on some chat boards she was a post op transsexual. At first I was shocked and confused. But as I slowly digested the information it became a nightmare. I got severely depressed.  

Before that incident I had a happy life (hard to imagine that now). But in one crazy night my life changed. I was no longer a straight man but a homosexual. I was a big sports fun and followed every sport (especially hockey). But after that incident I felt like I was not "straight" enough to be accepted as a sports fan. My obsessive and irrational mind took this event too far. I felt disconnected from everything I had associated with in my life: sports, cars, friends, parents, music etc etc...

I lost my life. I love nothing now. I am still severely depressed after two years. It was a deeply humiliating traumatic experience.

Is there any help for someone like me? This thing has occupied my brain for a constant TWO years. I feel like I did nothing for the past two years. I have just been doing things without thought, with no joy in my heart. Completely lost.I know this sort of event happening to another person would not have such an effect. But I have a strangely obsessive mind that takes things too far.

I know some people reading this might think I am mad at the transsexual sex worker. I am NOT. She did everything humanly possible to become a women. She made herself a women and I truly respect that. She is a woman!
BUT my mind does not cooperate with me and what I just wrote. In my mind I am a homosexual, and that is so hard to process as for the first 32 years of my life I had NO DOUBT I was straight.

The funny thing is I am not in any way attracted to men. I am not even attracted to shemale porn.

[garnet_red]

If you responded to her thinking she was a woman then you are not in any way a homosexual... if your worry is that you responded to her at all then my advice would be to stay away from sex workers O.o if you cant verify their biological beginnings,  maybe get involved in some nice social situations where you could strengthen your sense of masculinity,

I.m sorry this is still tearing you up.  I suffer from something that happened many years ago so i do understand.  I am planning to try EMDS which i hear works very well on traumatic events.  Google it and check it out. could change your life

[drifter0213]

you have severe depression i would get help right away they can prescribe some thing like an anti-depressive medication and some counseling you'll be ok i gurantee it :)

[boognell]

I am really sorry for all the pain you have experienced in the last 2 years. I hope you have started therapy; if not I suggest you do, pronto. I also suffered from a trauma 2 years ago (a stalker who was in the upper management where I was employed) and I immediately went into therapy. It really helped me. Also I moved a few states away (as did he) so the memory wouldn't be constantly reinforced. Of course, I was let go by the company but I sued and got a reasonable amount of money. I really think therapy would work for you too. Maybe some meds also in the interim to help you get back to your joy. Please keep me posted. Good luck and God bless.