Chronic pain patient looking for support

[BionicWoman78]

I am a chronic pain patient of 8 years. I have had 2 lower back fusions, 1 neck fusion, have extreme neck pain, headaches that never go away (implanted Occipital Spinal Cord Stimulator to help manage them), major nerve damage in my neck and arms/hands, more injections of every type then I can count and right hip pain that no one can find a cause of. I was in 2 very serious car accidents with in 1 yr (neither my fault), and a slip and fall on a marble floor due to a leaking ceiling fire extinguisher. C5 and C7 discs are completely destroyed and I refuse to have another neck fusion (the 1st was a very hard recovery, I would rather have back surgery). With all the metal plates and screws, wires and battery my doctors say I am almost bionic.

I have been on all types of meds off/on for years and I don't consider myself an addict because I have never craved the meds or felt that I could not function without them. I have always been very resistent to taking meds that my drs want me to. I will always research a med before I even fill the rx and if I find something I don't like I make them pick something else. I quit cold turkey in  Sept 2005 after my first back surgery - I was taking 10-12 10/325 Perc a day. In 2006 I went back on Perc until they figured out I needed neck surgery and in March 2008 I quit my Fentnyl Patches cold turkey after my stimulator was first placed with no withdrawl symptoms. Again in  March 2009 I quit several of the drugs my doctors had me on with no withdrawl symptoms. Now I am coming off Opana (an extended release pain killer) and roxy for break thru pain and it is the worst. Today is day 3.

With everything I have been thru with my disabilities, going back to school because I could no longer continue in dental assisting my career of 14 years, trying to come to terms with the fact that I will be in some sort of pain for the rest of my life (I don't even know what a pain free day feels like anymore), suffering from major depression and PTSD, this detox is the worst!!!

How much longer is this going to last? I take vitamins (esp anti-oxidants), drink lots of water, walk my dog twice a day and eat very healthy. I don't want pity or sympthy...I am even starting to work with the American Pain Foundation to become an advocate for other people like me. I am 33 yrs old and I want to live as normal a life as I can. I know I can't do 99% of my favorite things as before all this but I still want some sort of normal. This is what I have told my doctors since day one that my problems began.

[Yidori]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.  I'm 33 myself, and to think of what you have endured.  You are one strong woman.  Hang in there, you ARE strong enough to make it through, and so many are here to help you along the way.

I'm glad to see your doctor started you on a withdraw cocktail.  When ever my husband has had to taper off for any testing or to try a new medication for his chronic head pain, we've had the benefit of the cocktails.  They aren't perfect, but there are a few other things I've found that help him.  All of these I learned while my younger sister was in rehab.  She was a heroin addict and went into rehab three years ago.  She has been clean since and could tell me what methods they used (in addition to methadone) that helper her get by and seemed to help other people in rehab with her.

It is summer and I realize most places on this Earth are probably the same 100 degree temps that I'm experiecing in DE, and it may not be an option after surgery, but the best relief my husband gets is from a nice deep bath with lots of Oatmeal packed onto his skin.  Even when he couldn't get a deep bath and just soaked from the waste down, he felt loads of relief.  A bath before bed helped him get a few hours of sleep and in conjunction with the cocktail, he could at least rest without being hopelessly tired the next day.  He also drinks lots of electrolites (Gatoraid, and such) along with water.  Not sure how or if it really makes a difference, but that was all my sister drank when she was in rehab, and my husband felt like he wasn't as lethargic as he was without it.

Also keep talking.  Even if no 'person' is there, talk to your pets, or if you have none, talk to the walls, talk to yourself.  Let it out and if you want us to, talk here and we will listen.  I encourage you to read your post aloud as you type them.  Your voice gives you strength.  To hear your thoughts said aloud, they sound differently then when you say them in your head.  We can be critcial with ourselves, our anxieties take control inside our head, we can doubt ourselves, but out loud, you can comand those feelings.  My husband laughed when my sister and I suggested this, but he had to admit it made a difference.  He felt a little silly at first, sitting and talking to our cat as he sat on his lap, but he found strength the longer he did it.  It sure beat staring at the clock for him.

Good luck and my prayers for the best go out to you.

[deenewme]

I feel your pain and agony and I am 32. I have been under pain mgt.  for almost .five years due to an accident leaving my C1 and C2 messed up, nerve damage on right side of body, T5 and S1 ruptured degenerative disk disease. I suffer from painful bladder syndrome called IC. THRU all that I still have to take care of 4 kids no husband my mom is my savior. She is 61 and in better shape than me.

[BionicWoman78]

Thank you both for your encouragement and support. I was able to see my pain mgmt doctor a week ago and he is now helping me tapper down. I have 7 more days then I will no longer be relying on pain meds. I am excited but at the same time scared. I know that in order to keep my pain in check I will need some sort of pain med and advil doesn't cut it.

I have always been the person who is a perfectionist and can handle a full plate, but I wasn't expecting the withdrawl symptoms. At least my dr is awesome and gave me both meds to tapper down and an anti-withdrawl cocktail to take when needed.

[uptongirl]

I have often said to people that I feel like Bionic Woman, so I totally get your user name.  I have had four neck surgeries, three fusions, and one failed fusion that had to be fixed.  I am a police officer by trade, but may or may not be able to do it much longer due to Chronic Pain issues.  I have always been an active person, eat healthy, and take a load of vitamins a day.  All of this hasn't really seemed to do me much good, or gotten me past my neck pain that won't go away.  Chronic pain is a whole new world for me, one that I truly wish I wasn't apart of.  My neck pain started in 1999 with my initial neck injury, and surgeries came in 2006-present.  I would like to believe that one day I will be pain medicine free, but frankly it beats being in pain 24/7.  I do understand that you don't want to take pain meds, I don't either.  I usually make it the morning and a little of the afternoon without pain medicine, and many times I'm counting the minutes because it is so difficult to go without pain medicine.  My goal is to eventually be off the pain medication, knowing I can't work and take the medicine.  The thing is I've met quite a few people on here that have had a longer journey with chronic pain than I.  Most of them have told me that a pain doctor is my best bet in keeping my sanity.  As much as I don't want this for my future, I may have to consider that I may have no choice.  I truly hope that you will get some relief soon.  It is hard to live a normal life with pain, and it isn't exactly a popular subject with most people who don't have chronic pain.  Once again, hang in there girl.  I admire that you are trying so hard to not take pain meds and to feel better without pain meds.  

[melipops]

Hi, I can't imagine your frustration! i guess you need to take things on one at a time and not try to do everything at once which is what it sounds like. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. I think for someone who has had all these ordeals you are coping quite well and are quite aware of the addicitveness of these drugs. I believe most people are in denial about how hard these things are to give up. I hope you get some relief from the pain soon Take care