Do you ever feel weak??

[empathy323]

I have not posted in awhile but I have been here.  For those of you that don't know this is a new screen name I used to be mcclos10.  Anyway I was wondering.  Has anyone ever tried not to take their pain meds for awhile and then when they could not take anymore given in and then felt guilty or weak for doing so?  That is what I go through sometimes.  Like recently I went almost 14 days without my meds becuase I just get sick of them.  Then after awhile sometimes sooner than others I just can't take the daily pain, not sleeping, agony etc.  I am young only 36 and having to take pain medication forever seems so daunting to me at times.  I have been on strong meds for the better part of 21 years now.  I have never felt any w/d symptoms from going of my meds either which does not seem to be the norm from what I read.  Maybe it's different for everyone especially when you have real CP I don't know.  Anyhow thanks for listening I guess I just needed to vent and I am sure some of you can relate.

[sandee1818]

I also want to say that if any member here feels like they are being attacked or feel hurt by another's post then please come to me or Med Help and lets get it resolved so that this kind of thing does not happen in our community. Most of the time it is simply misunderstandings like this and sometimes they get out of control and we lose members and that is something I do not want to happen here.
If you feel a persons information is wrong then post your opinion and information and then there are several views but it is not productive to call someone out for posting their opinion on the information they have or believe to be true.
I am not perfect by any means and if I make a mistake then I welcome you to make it clear I have and we will correct it.

Thank you for your understanding,
Sandee

We all have the same goal in mind here and that is to have a safe place to voice our opinions and views and to be able to vent and ask for support. We all make up this community and everyones opinion matters we just have to be careful not to offend anyone. I also welcome any opinions you may have about our community:)

[sandee1818]

I apoligize as this misunderstanding was entirely my fault.
I never meant to imply that all CP Pt's would not experience W/D from stopping their medications! I was simply saying that studies have proven that someone who takes pain medications legitimately for pain and someone who takes them for pleasure will experience different effects from the medications. It is true some CP Pt's will not have the dreaded W/D symptoms but many will experience them because our body becomes accustomed to the meds and when we stop taking them we have symptoms of W/D.
I am sorry I have caused this misunderstanding and I hope that Spright understands the point I was trying to make now.
If someone who does not have ADHD takes Ritalin the effects from the medication will feel like they are taking speed and the person who does have ADHD will not experience the same effects the person who does not have it. It is the same with pain medications.
Pain medications does not relieve the pain by attacking the pain they actually make the brain believe the pain is gone or lessened by increasing the dopamine and other parts of the brain.
Whether you have diabetes or CP you have to have medications that treat the disease and when you do not take those meds your body reacts.
I hope I have made myself clear here and no one feels offended or hurt. That is the last thing I want here!
When someone needs to vent or just needs support we are all here and want to help in any way we can and I hope to accomplish that and make it known here without having to say it.

[Spright1]

Oh my goodness!!!!

I Never Ever meant you to feel that I was saying anything hurtful to you at All!

As a matter of fact, I was actually responding to something Sandee said, Not you, since she was the one that said  "I would say that your not having withdrawal symptoms states that your truly in pain and you are taking them legitamatly and therefore your not experiencing the withdrawal others may experience."

I am So sorry if I said anything to make you feel that I am not 100% on your side!

I was only worried that someone might see what she wrote and think that if they had w/d that their pain was not legitamate. Does that make sense?

Pain is terrible, all of us here are in some kind or other, I Never wanted you to feel attacked or that you couldn't vent! I cry myself, and now I feel terrible that you seem to have taken my words all wrong!

I fear that in reading the parts that made you feel bad, you missed where I was trying to empathize with your pain and feelings- I guess I did it poorly.  

I have feelings too, and this stabbed me right to my heart.

Misunderstanding? Friends, or at least truce?

Spright

[empathy323]

In response to your last post (we were posting at the same time and crossed each other).  I am crying and hurting and obviously very tired.  I know I am emotional right now I just don't think that Spright1 took a very nice approach.  We should be able to vent or talk about our feelings here.  I don't think anything I said needed to be corrected or talked about like they did.  I am always nice to everyone that posts.  I have genuine concern for everyone and I have tried to be helpful many times to posters.  I would never say or even think that if someone had w/d's they didn't have CP those who know me here know that.  When people feel bad posts like part of Spright1’s just don't help you feel better at all.  I am sure they meant no harm to me it still hurt me right now though.  Thanks Tuck I appreciate your care and concern it means a lot to me.

[empathy323]

I went back on my meds yesterday.  I have not slept in 3 days and am having really severe pain.  I have a long rod in my left Humerus because of a bad break that would not heal in my late 20’s (I have had osteoporosis since age 18).  Sometimes I have really bad trouble with it and now is one of those times I can’t move it and I am in extreme pain.  In order to move it I have to lift it and move it with my good arm.   I put my sling on at 6am to help give some support.  My ribs are permanently dislocated and are really acting up as well.  Those are the 2 areas that are most out of control right now.  Because I was off most of my meds now I am playing catch up to try and get the pain under control.  We all know how hard that can be.  It shows me how stupid I was for not taking my meds again.  The results always end up the same so you would think I would stop doing it.

So, the lack of sleep and pain build up has got me even more emotional.  I did just eat a little bit and made a cup of tea. My husband helped me make a comfortable spot to rest in if I am finally able to rest today.  Hopefully I will be able to curl up with my dogs and rest at some point today.  I also took some extra female vitamins and a vitamin D supplement hopefully they will help how I feel overall.  You are right it is grieving for sure.  I have never really allowed myself to grieve since my problems all began at 15.  I think that is why I keep going through a lot of this.  Thanks for your thoughts.

[Tuckamore]

Hey Empathy,

I didn't have a great deal of w/d symptoms when I would stop taking me meds either. I didn't take the kind that might cause seizures if suddenly stopped or other major medical issues. Spright is new here. I just think Spright is not aware that many ppl react differently and that much depends on the drug, the person and the chemistry, etc. I don't think she meant to "call you out." I am sorry you feel that way.

Please continue to vent here. You know that "this is the place." I will look forward to your posts. Again I am very sorry when anyone feels hurt or angry after posting on this forum. It is NEVER suppose to be that way unless you come here for the wrong purposes which you certainly have not. I look forward to chatting with you again.
Hang in there, we care, Tuck

[empathy323]

Listen, I really didn't need to be called out for just venting and talking about my own personal experience when I am having a rough time of things right now.  All I said is that it does not seem to be the norm etc.  Below is cut from my thread and exactly what I said.  I never said that if you had w/d symptoms that a person was not in real chronic pain.  I think you are twisting my thoughts.  I guess I won't write my thoughts anymore if this is what it causes.  Now I just feel worse.  Below again is all I said.



I have never felt any w/d symptoms from going of my meds either which does not seem to be the norm from what I read.  Maybe it's different for everyone especially when you have real CP I don't know.  Anyhow thanks for listening I guess I just needed to vent and I am sure some of you can relate.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Empathy,

It's good to hear form you again. I was wondering about you and how you were doing. First let me say that I have done what you are doing in my early days when the pain was not quite this severe. I so wanted to be "normal", or what I thought was "normal." It's called denial. It never lasted as long as yours but I would stop taking my meds. And it can be dangerous to suddenly stop so be very careful.

CP suffers go through many stages of grief. And that's what it is, grief for what we were, what we could have been, etc. It's perfectly normal. I think that is part of what is happening to you. he guilt may be your grasping at the "normal" straw. At least I did. I use to think that maybe I really didn't have as much pain as I thought. I would just stop taking the pain meds and every thing would be ok. I'd just exercise harder and push myself a bit more because I was strong. I had always been very strong. It was all part of the grief process. So please don't feel guilty. When you have pain take the medicine. You don't have to prove anything to anybody.

Please keep in touch with us. We are all here to help you however we can. I'll be thinking of you. Take care, Tuck

[Spright1]

Hi empathy,

I know what you mean- I tried to stop taking my pain medications (I was in a pretty bad car accident, lumbar, sciatica, TMJ for which I had surgery on both sides of my jaw, pelvis dislocated which they didn't find for months etc, just kept asking me why I 'walked so funny' (I would reply "You're the Doctor- why Am I walking like this?" and they would tell me to Stop because if I didn't, I might not walk 'right' when I healed.).. Then the head of the dept of PT was working on me and said "Hey- your pelvis is dislocated- you want me to put it Back?"  der. "Yes please!"  "It may Hurt...."  Like I would rather live the rest of my life with a DL pelvis!!!  lol  The medical community can be funny at times.

Anyway, my story is kind of like yours but the other way around....I kind of gave in to some pressure from some people who had been telling me I was 'killing my own body's ability to produce endorphines' and/or that I was just experiencing 'rebound pain' like people who abuse otc painkillers for headaches etc.... so between that, being broke from being out of work and the office I was going to going bankrupt and not being able to take my LOP, I decided to quit. I thought maybe I was weak for Taking the meds. I Hate pills, always have, and worried that I was hurting myself.

I can say you are actually Very Lucky to Not experience any WD when you stop taking your meds. for me It was like having a Terrible flu that you would rather be Dead than have.
I pushed through it though, since I thought that might be the best thing to do. I Did feel 'guilt' for taking medication for legitimate reasons even though my doctors wanted me to, and I was (and still am) in really bad pain to agony depending. I thought it was the 'right thing to do' at that time. I wanted to see if  I could, if I Would feel better.

Maybe I wanted to feel some sense of 'control' in a situation where I felt Completely Out of control.  I didn't think of that untill just now.

In the end, I Had to go back to the medication- I called a crisis hotline, since after a few months of gritting my teeth and lying in bed after I had cleaned out my system I realized I couldn't go on. I personally didn't feel weak on that end, but we are all different in how we deal with things,  I felt like I might as well be dead than exist in that kind of a state of agony. I don't believe in suicide, and knew I had to get help. I DO know what you mean though- I just Quit because I felt 'weak'. Same thing, different reaction.

I ended up in Worse pain after that episode, and found out in reading later that if you are in terrible chronic pain that if you deny your body's warning system (pain), you body can actually recruit More nerve endings to carry the pain signal since it thinks you just aren't Listening, and if the cycle keeps going, the Pain can actually turn into the disease after the injury heals. I'd cite my sources but since I moved I can't seem to find anything right now.

I can empathize on not being able to have children, I have been in 2 accidents spanning almost a 10 year period, and barring some miracle, don't think it's going to happen for me. However, that doesn't mean that I can't adopt or foster- everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying I don't feel sorry for myself specially when I see all the baby news- sometimes I just have to change the channel or turn the page. I didn't think my life was going to be this way, and I'm sure you didn't either. Again- things happen for a reason.

Please don't punish yourself for being in pain. It isn't your fault. Venting helps. Feel free to PM me or send me a note if you want.

I just needed to post not only to sympathize, but also to let people know there Can be a danger in Not taking your meds if you are Supposed to...

....and that YES- you Can have WD in CP. I'd Hate to have people thinking that their pain isn't Real if they have WD if they try and stop taking their meds.

Yes, CP patients don't get the Euphoria from medication (in proper dosage), but they Can get 'addicted' as people who drink Coffee get addicted or people who take Other meds can't just stop without some kind of consequence- it isn't a dirty thing to have a tolerance or be 'addicted' if it is something you need to Live, and coming off of any medication (prednisone, antidepressants etc) which your body has become accustomed to can be an uncomfortable and possibly dangerous thing, and usually ought to be doctor supervised.

I hope I haven't upset anyone, but I Really didn't want anyone reading this thread to think that if they were not as lucky in the WD symptoms that they were somehow not really in 'Real' Chronic Pain.

There is enough guilt and self reproach in CP situations without that on top of it, if that makes sense.   :)

Good Luck and
Blessings to you both!   :)

[empathy323]

Hi, and thanks.  No, the pressure is from no one else but me.  My husband and family are very supportive and they always have been.    My mom is a nurse and that has always helped.  I took my meds today I just could not take the build up of pain not sleeping, starting to lose my appetite you know how it goes it really gets to you.  I just struggle with it mentally sometimes more than others.  It’s like a pity party in a way I guess.  Poor me I can’t have children had a hysterectomy at 29, have to take these meds, have pain, on and on.  That I just want to be normal feeling so then I guess in a way I actually punish myself by making it worse by not taking my meds.  Sounds messed up when I read it all back to myself  Thanks for the small dose of reality and a little tough love I need it sometimes to remind myself about the brighter side of things and there is a brighter side of things for sure!!

[sandee1818]

Hi,
     Nice to hear from you!
Pain medications are essential for those of us in pain and you should never feel guilty for having to take them!
Studies have shown that when a pt in pain takes pain meds they are not going to get the euphoric feeling that some who take the meds for pleasure do. I would say that your not having withdrawal symptoms states that your truly in pain and you are taking them legitamatly and therefore your not experiencing the withdrawal others may experience.
I know the thought of taking meds your entire life is not something that you look forward to but you need to assess whether you need them or if your not taking them because of the guilt and therefore your suffering when you don't need to be. I truly understand your position but you need these meds to have a quality of life or some quality that you once had. While your hurting from refusing to give in and take the meds you need you could be doing something much more enjoyable.
I am not putting you down I just want you to understand your NOT a bad person for having to take medications:)
The pressure your feeling , is it from yourself or someone else? I am here for you as well as everyone and we will help in any way we can!