Aa
Getting up in the morning.
This is a thought that goes thru my head every single morning well I have one or the other.
When I am not on meds,
I wake up and first thing I feel is pain, and all I can think is why do I have to wake up like this every single morning? why can't I wake up with the sun shining in my room the birds singing and my kids brining me breakfast in bed, ok I went to far on that (I can wish right?) but then I think, I will just lay here for as long as I can maybe the day will go faster if I get up later and then I would have a reason not to get anything done today. Then I lay there and can't go back to sleep cause of the pain and then I hear a voice that says "Mom I am awake now can you fix me something to eat?" then I have no choice but to get up. Get my shower and sit around all day.
When I am on meds.
I wake up and feel the pain and think oh no not again, I get up and take care of what the kids need and then I get my shower and take my meds and think of what all I can get done today and I start doing what I need to get done.
It is just so much different when you know SOME of your pain will be taking care of vs what it feels like when none of your pain is taking care of.
I went to my job today to get some more medical leave papers cause I am suppose to go back on June 19th the day after my birthday. I have been thinking it over and over and I have no choice but to go back. I promised myself and my kids and my husband I wouldn't go back until I am better and that is not going to be the case again. I need to get back to work to help pay the bills. I am going to go to this pain doctor and see if he can help me on Friday. I am hoping he can treat the pain so I can work again, if not I will go back to work and risk losing my job cause some days the pain is so bad there is no way I can go in and I will run into the same problem, calling off so much that they will fire me. this is the 2nd time I went on medical leave and the last time I said I would be 100% better before I returned and that didn't happen and this time I set my goal at 80% better and it isn't going to happen again unless this dr can help me. I will ask about a nerve block cause I can't keep going thru all this pain if it don't work I can say atleast I tried it, if it makes it worse then I will need alot of meds to help me deal with that. Thanks for listening.
Jamie
When I am not on meds,
I wake up and first thing I feel is pain, and all I can think is why do I have to wake up like this every single morning? why can't I wake up with the sun shining in my room the birds singing and my kids brining me breakfast in bed, ok I went to far on that (I can wish right?) but then I think, I will just lay here for as long as I can maybe the day will go faster if I get up later and then I would have a reason not to get anything done today. Then I lay there and can't go back to sleep cause of the pain and then I hear a voice that says "Mom I am awake now can you fix me something to eat?" then I have no choice but to get up. Get my shower and sit around all day.
When I am on meds.
I wake up and feel the pain and think oh no not again, I get up and take care of what the kids need and then I get my shower and take my meds and think of what all I can get done today and I start doing what I need to get done.
It is just so much different when you know SOME of your pain will be taking care of vs what it feels like when none of your pain is taking care of.
I went to my job today to get some more medical leave papers cause I am suppose to go back on June 19th the day after my birthday. I have been thinking it over and over and I have no choice but to go back. I promised myself and my kids and my husband I wouldn't go back until I am better and that is not going to be the case again. I need to get back to work to help pay the bills. I am going to go to this pain doctor and see if he can help me on Friday. I am hoping he can treat the pain so I can work again, if not I will go back to work and risk losing my job cause some days the pain is so bad there is no way I can go in and I will run into the same problem, calling off so much that they will fire me. this is the 2nd time I went on medical leave and the last time I said I would be 100% better before I returned and that didn't happen and this time I set my goal at 80% better and it isn't going to happen again unless this dr can help me. I will ask about a nerve block cause I can't keep going thru all this pain if it don't work I can say atleast I tried it, if it makes it worse then I will need alot of meds to help me deal with that. Thanks for listening.
Jamie
Best Answer
Hi Jamie, you don't know me as I am fairly new to this forum. I know exactly what you are going through. I am a cp suffer and still have to work to pay the bills. Anyway, as I said you don't know me, but I too will be there with you in spirit. This forum is so valuable and I think we all need to support each other, whether we are old friends or new ones. Hang in there, I've been pushing myself to keep working for 7 years now. Please keep us posted.
I forgot to add, thanks for everyone that will be with me tomorrow in spirt, as soon as I get back home I will post to let everyone know how it goes. Wouldn't that be cool if we all showed up for my appt, the dr would think what the heck is going on here? lol
Jamie
Jamie
I have been looking forward to this appointment tomorrow and then it hit me, what if he don't treat me on the first visit? And my heart just hit the floor again. Oh man this is going to be bad if he don't. But I will make it thru it somehow someway. I know this is my first appt and for some reason I told myself I don't have to see the shrink cause I already have and they have all that paper work already but I have never really thought my treatment wouldn't start right away. So I just have to come back down to earth and prepare myself for that let down. Oh well, I just hope the appt goes good and he tells me that he can help me with the pain, maybe not tomorrow but maybe soon. It is just to see IF he can help me not when. I just have to hang in there and wait and see what happens.
Thanks everyone
Jamie
Thanks everyone
Jamie
Jamie, if you can't make it back to work, you can file for disability. I know most people are turned down the first time. I was, but I need to reapply. My medical bills are piling up and I don't know what else to do. I am homebound and can not leave my house due to the neck injury and pain.
I personally hate waking up every morning. Most mornings I have a headache or migraine on top of the severe neck pain. My whole body hurts because the medicine has worn off too. I usually get up around 3-4 am due to not being able to stay in one position for too long with my neck. I can't imagine what it would be like if none of the pain was taken care of anymore. I went through that for 1.5 years with the first pain management doctor. He refused to treat my pain.
Good luck and I hope you can work something out.
I personally hate waking up every morning. Most mornings I have a headache or migraine on top of the severe neck pain. My whole body hurts because the medicine has worn off too. I usually get up around 3-4 am due to not being able to stay in one position for too long with my neck. I can't imagine what it would be like if none of the pain was taken care of anymore. I went through that for 1.5 years with the first pain management doctor. He refused to treat my pain.
Good luck and I hope you can work something out.
Jamie,
I'm with everyone else, I'll come to your pain doctor too! We will tell him that he needs to treat you and get you out of the misery that you're feeling. I'm sure you can't wait for tomorrow. I hope it goes well for you!
I'm with everyone else, I'll come to your pain doctor too! We will tell him that he needs to treat you and get you out of the misery that you're feeling. I'm sure you can't wait for tomorrow. I hope it goes well for you!
Hi Jamie. I'm new to the forum, but do understand exactly how you feel. It's been nearly 8 years since my accident, and over 6 since my surgery. Unfortunately, employers didn't want to listen when I couldn't make it to work, or when the meds would make me so drowsy I would have to go take a nap in my car, or I couldn't sit in 90 mins of traffic to arrive on time.
I tried finding jobs closer to home, even if they paid less. I would work part time, or find something with flexible hours. Along the years, the cp would become more manageable, get worse, doctors would change my meds, more physical therapy, etc. I always pushed to continue working; somehow, somewhere.
Over the years, along with the chronic pain, I also developed a sleep disorder. One of my medications does have the side effect of sleep apnea. I worked for a sleep specialist, that helped me, for awhile; but because of no insurance, we never discovered if it's sleep apnea with hypersombalence or narcolepsy; or possibly both. The night symptoms are more like sleep apnea, but the uncontrollable sleep is more like narcolepsy. By this time, along with missing time, and arriving late, I uncontrollable fall asleep, during the day. I know it's happening, but I can not stop it; even if I get up and move around a bit, once I sit, it's back to the same thing. After so many problems, I had to rethink if it was possible for me to physically work any longer.
I never wanted to think of myself as disabled. There were so many people, I thought were more deserving. I could function, on a daily basis, just not all the time. When you start falling asleep driving, it's difficult to drive to work, but without my medication; I couldn't make it through a day, much less pushing myself to work. One job after another terminated me, even when we discussed all my problems in the beginning. They would all tell me, "we understand, and you were honest with us, up front. I'm sure we can work with you." Their idea of working with me lasted about 2-3 months. After the last one terminated me, I was finally thinking about applying for disability. In the mean time, I was approved for unemployment, cause they knew everything up front; and never gave me any warnings that my job was in jeopardy. At that point, I began to think there had to be something I could do, even part time, and some way to do it; with flexibility.
I started looking into working from home. There are many legitimate companies that hire people to work from home, now. They don't pay very much, and most of them are part time; but they are out there. I know what it's like to feel you don't have any choice between working or your health. Bills pile up, and they just continue coming. Maybe with something part time, from home, you would be able to put your health first, while still working to help the household. This way you could also continue to stay on medical leave from your current job, until you and your PM doctor have got a better handle on your cp. If you would like a weblink that list most of the companies and websites that offer work at home opportunities, or earning options; send me an email. I will gladly help.
Wishing you the best,
Meredith
I tried finding jobs closer to home, even if they paid less. I would work part time, or find something with flexible hours. Along the years, the cp would become more manageable, get worse, doctors would change my meds, more physical therapy, etc. I always pushed to continue working; somehow, somewhere.
Over the years, along with the chronic pain, I also developed a sleep disorder. One of my medications does have the side effect of sleep apnea. I worked for a sleep specialist, that helped me, for awhile; but because of no insurance, we never discovered if it's sleep apnea with hypersombalence or narcolepsy; or possibly both. The night symptoms are more like sleep apnea, but the uncontrollable sleep is more like narcolepsy. By this time, along with missing time, and arriving late, I uncontrollable fall asleep, during the day. I know it's happening, but I can not stop it; even if I get up and move around a bit, once I sit, it's back to the same thing. After so many problems, I had to rethink if it was possible for me to physically work any longer.
I never wanted to think of myself as disabled. There were so many people, I thought were more deserving. I could function, on a daily basis, just not all the time. When you start falling asleep driving, it's difficult to drive to work, but without my medication; I couldn't make it through a day, much less pushing myself to work. One job after another terminated me, even when we discussed all my problems in the beginning. They would all tell me, "we understand, and you were honest with us, up front. I'm sure we can work with you." Their idea of working with me lasted about 2-3 months. After the last one terminated me, I was finally thinking about applying for disability. In the mean time, I was approved for unemployment, cause they knew everything up front; and never gave me any warnings that my job was in jeopardy. At that point, I began to think there had to be something I could do, even part time, and some way to do it; with flexibility.
I started looking into working from home. There are many legitimate companies that hire people to work from home, now. They don't pay very much, and most of them are part time; but they are out there. I know what it's like to feel you don't have any choice between working or your health. Bills pile up, and they just continue coming. Maybe with something part time, from home, you would be able to put your health first, while still working to help the household. This way you could also continue to stay on medical leave from your current job, until you and your PM doctor have got a better handle on your cp. If you would like a weblink that list most of the companies and websites that offer work at home opportunities, or earning options; send me an email. I will gladly help.
Wishing you the best,
Meredith
Jamie my dear, you are faced with what so many of us have had to struggle with, continued employment.....and chronic pain.
I agree that you should tell your PMP just what you said here, write it down or print out the page. Be sure you tell him that if you cannot control the pain that means you may very well not be able to maintain employment. Sometimes that makes a differance and helps them understand the severity your pain.
I love the breakfast in bed ideas...rather dream! :) Made me smile and wonder what kind of kids I raised that didn't bring me breakfast in bed but a few times! :)
Maybe we should all accompany you on your PMP appointment. We'd tell him!
But seriously maybe you should consider resigning your employment. I continued my career years after I was told not to work. I even had an official medical work evaluation. That was about 18 years ago. It concluded I could work three non-consecutive days a week, four hours a day provided I could change positions frequently. Well let me tell you the employers were beating down my door to get someone with those limitations!! Wrong!
I went into my usual coping mode of denial and remained employed until just 22 months ago. Twenty two months ago I collapsed at work in so much pain I didn't think I could get myself back up. The pain was so extreme my vision was blurred and I was nauseated. I knew that during the preceding three - four months I had been pushing myself more than I had ever had to before. I was maxing out on my pain meds daily and was still unable to sleep due to the uncontrolled irretractable pain. After I struggled to pick myself up I went to the owner of the company (my boss) and tearfully handed him my keys. He knew about my cp. I simply said, "I can't do this anymore. I am so very sorry." He looked at me in disbelief as I limped to my car and drove home. I barely made it. It was the worst but best day since my chronic pain began. I admit I really miss my career but I have finally accepted that fact that I cannot maintain employment. Unfortunately you may have to do the same. There is no shame in it.
But hopefully your PMP will be able to provide you with enough pain releif that you can continue to work...if not than we'll help you deal with the lose of employment. We're always here for you.
My Best to You,
~Tuck
I agree that you should tell your PMP just what you said here, write it down or print out the page. Be sure you tell him that if you cannot control the pain that means you may very well not be able to maintain employment. Sometimes that makes a differance and helps them understand the severity your pain.
I love the breakfast in bed ideas...rather dream! :) Made me smile and wonder what kind of kids I raised that didn't bring me breakfast in bed but a few times! :)
Maybe we should all accompany you on your PMP appointment. We'd tell him!
But seriously maybe you should consider resigning your employment. I continued my career years after I was told not to work. I even had an official medical work evaluation. That was about 18 years ago. It concluded I could work three non-consecutive days a week, four hours a day provided I could change positions frequently. Well let me tell you the employers were beating down my door to get someone with those limitations!! Wrong!
I went into my usual coping mode of denial and remained employed until just 22 months ago. Twenty two months ago I collapsed at work in so much pain I didn't think I could get myself back up. The pain was so extreme my vision was blurred and I was nauseated. I knew that during the preceding three - four months I had been pushing myself more than I had ever had to before. I was maxing out on my pain meds daily and was still unable to sleep due to the uncontrolled irretractable pain. After I struggled to pick myself up I went to the owner of the company (my boss) and tearfully handed him my keys. He knew about my cp. I simply said, "I can't do this anymore. I am so very sorry." He looked at me in disbelief as I limped to my car and drove home. I barely made it. It was the worst but best day since my chronic pain began. I admit I really miss my career but I have finally accepted that fact that I cannot maintain employment. Unfortunately you may have to do the same. There is no shame in it.
But hopefully your PMP will be able to provide you with enough pain releif that you can continue to work...if not than we'll help you deal with the lose of employment. We're always here for you.
My Best to You,
~Tuck
Absolutely Sara, I'm there!!! Making my sign RIGHT NOW!!!
Have a agreat day, Ladies...Sherry
Have a agreat day, Ladies...Sherry
LOL that would be good Sara and I know that Sherry would help she would be the first one in line lol
I am also hoping this dr will help me cause I really do need to get back to work and back to my life. My kids deserve a mom that can do everything with them. And I never thought I would EVER say this but I miss work and I miss my friends there. It is a store so I can always go in to see everyone but that isn't the same. I miss people coming to work and coming thru my line cause I am the fastest one there. But I don't miss getting into trouble because someone thought I gave them a dirty look when I didn't, it was the pain that causes that. I don't want that to happen again that and the amount of days I missed is the reason I went on leave.
Thanks
Jamie
I am also hoping this dr will help me cause I really do need to get back to work and back to my life. My kids deserve a mom that can do everything with them. And I never thought I would EVER say this but I miss work and I miss my friends there. It is a store so I can always go in to see everyone but that isn't the same. I miss people coming to work and coming thru my line cause I am the fastest one there. But I don't miss getting into trouble because someone thought I gave them a dirty look when I didn't, it was the pain that causes that. I don't want that to happen again that and the amount of days I missed is the reason I went on leave.
Thanks
Jamie
Jamie: Do print out the page. That way you want forget anything. Sometimes when I go I check my brain at the receptionist desk. You probably don't do that but may forget without a reminder.
I hope and pray that doctor is able to help you get back to your life. You've been through so much. And you deserve your life back!! Would you like me to picket his office if he doesn't. You know, a big sign, walk back and forth chanting?? I bet Sherry would help!!
All kidding aside, I wish you the best going to your doctor. Hang in there kiddo!!
I hope and pray that doctor is able to help you get back to your life. You've been through so much. And you deserve your life back!! Would you like me to picket his office if he doesn't. You know, a big sign, walk back and forth chanting?? I bet Sherry would help!!
All kidding aside, I wish you the best going to your doctor. Hang in there kiddo!!
Absolutely, take a second page with you. However, if you want I'd be happy to go with you, that way I'd get a MINI-VACATION!!!
Have a Good Night....Sherry
Have a Good Night....Sherry
LOL how bout I just take you with me Sherry so I won't forget lol. I will print it out. With the last pain dr I went to they asked about my goals this one sent me papers and it only had choices that you had to check that was your goals. So I think I am also going to bring another paper with my goals on it. All 10 of them lol
Thanks alot Sherry!
Jamie
Thanks alot Sherry!
Jamie
You're doing the right thing!! Be sure that you tell your new PM Dr. EXACTLY what you said in this post!!! It was PERFECT!!! (Write it down so that you won't forget it! LOL)
You can't go wrong with what you are doing. Like you said "At least you will have tried".
I'm so VERY proud of you......Sherry
You can't go wrong with what you are doing. Like you said "At least you will have tried".
I'm so VERY proud of you......Sherry
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It is very difficult when our cp keeps us from doing anything like we used to, whether it be work, household chores, playing with our children - even something as simple as relaxing in a chair or on the couch with our loved ones watching a movie. Chronic pain affects each and every part of our lives. The things we used to love to do (and yes, getting up and going to work every day was one of those for me) are now sometimes things that we dread, simply because we know the pain is going to interfere and possibly cause us to not be able to do those things at all.
I'm sure it will be hard on you and your family if you're not able to go back to work, however, I also know they would much rather have you at home taking care of yourself and not in as much pain than out working and being in more pain. They all love you very much and want what is best for YOU.
I hope this new pain doc is able to give you some GREAT pain relief. It's important to remember, though, that even if he is able to get your pain under better control, it's still important to not overdo things or you may end up in more severe pain. As my family and doctors are always telling me (and I'm slowly learning to listen) - you have to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. If you're doing something and it's causing more, worsening, or new pain - STOP! Sometimes that's hard, I know - and if you're like me, sometimes I don't notice the increase in pain right when I'm doing whatever it is that I'm doing - I'll feel the worsening pain either later that day or even the next day. Even if it's something that you normally do every day and have had no problems in the past, you may find that you can no longer do that task. CP makes us adjust our lives in so many ways.
Anyway - I'm rambling - sorry -- I just wanted to say I'm also there with you, at least in spirit, and hoping this new doc can be of a lot of help to you. Try not to worry about the possibility of not being able to go back to work - even if you can't, I'm sure your family would be much happier having you in less pain and not working than in more pain and working, putting some money in the bank.
Keep us posted on how it goes!