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How to deal with false records stemming from a history of mismanaged care.

So I am a 29 year old male who struggles with chronic pain that is managed with heroin off the street that at this point my parents pay for making what was a recovered toxic relation an even worse toxic relation with codependent aspects. I feel trapped as even if I wanted to just quit I know from repeated detox attempts that when I was at my best a month was the most I could go before I would be unable to deny the pain before seeking pain management.

Now this is where my problem is... I live in a city that has a reputation for drug use that used to be progressive, but ever since cannabis was legalized the attitude is "just say no; and if that doesn't work go smoke some pot." Yet the whole reason I sought prescribed opioda was because I realized after having access to them while maintaining at my retail job at the time when I could work and my parents best argument against me using what was consideres state legal medicsl cannabis was that it was federally illegal grasping at straws without a concern about my long term well being as long as they got their short term results that they thought was for the best just like never going to doctors because they could just look up what doctors would charge a bunch of money for the same information and to get hooked on their drugs where once I began using cannabis they were trying to find ANYTHING to replace my cannabis use turning to psychiatrists who would push addictive klonopin without explaination of it's risks and other extreme CNS active medications just because they had the attitude as long as they gave me a drug I should be happy when I wanted to just enjoy cannabis and not rely on it every 4-6 hours for pain... Especially when I was raised to believe I was a criminal for managing my own body and not putting my life in the hands of drs who are more interested in making me into their guinnie pig and dehumanizing me convincing me other people are able to get medications because they hit established before the system broke where too bad for me because no one cares about me or my needs where I've been drugged against my will as punishment for agitated non agressive behavoir they exagurated to be a risk falsely recording the incident and even my statements regarding my history.

So to get to the point I've been denied care off the bat by so many doctors and forced to switch doctors that even when I'm not seeking opiods no one will speak to me as they stonewall me even making simple requests to follow up with neurology for the development of spasms that have been developing for years, but have become a daily occurance every 10-60 minutes after being hit by a car earlier this year where I've gone without any treatment as the physical therapy I was in had to be stopped because of COVID. Not only that, but a reasonable accomidation request to be moved from the SRO that under the cities care (I'm on disability) I've been abandened where I've been taken advantage of sexually twice in this room as well as there's an abusive property manager employed where I don't have the facilities to maintsin going to the bathroom regularly, maintaing hygiene, laundry access that is managable in my conditions, space for my dog abandoned in my lap by an abusive ex that I met when the city placed me next to them in the shelter and left me to fend for myself where around that time is when the doctors started establishing a case to deny me that became cemented more and more as I made effort to seek treatment as they called that a red flag and usually attempted to kick me out of not initiate an opiod regimen that they would then cut me off cold turkey many times after promising not to where it's left me suicidal even to this day at the thought of having to experience the hell of the return of my pain and withdrawals where I live...

How do I move foward with all of this? I have no idea who to turn to anymore where I've been laughed at by the nurses station of a hospital announcing I'd kill myself before hit by a car at 30-40 MPH never to get treated and cut cold turkey 3 minths later from 120 mg oxycodone and 60 mg oxymorphone daily because my doctor retired and the other doctors refused to take over my care while I literally was recovering from a monthvoong atomach bug like norovirus that was disregarded every time went to the ER and called withdrawals where I believed it and increased my dose hoping to combat the issue where it wasn't until painfull gas within a loode stool passed the weekend before my last appointment. I tried killing myawlf cutting my wrist during a conflict my family created while trying to maintain on methadone unaware of the unstable mental state it causes for me even at low doses. This doesn't even include the multiple illegitimate 5150 initiated by police who should've found me a shelter bed rather then abuse me to the degree that one incident included 6 officers violating human rights digging their knees into my body enjoying the pain it caused me and my helpless cries for it to end as they took pleasure in handcuffing me to a stretcher after twisting my wrists with the handcuffs placed on me upon approaching me claiming they just wanted to talk after I stated I was headed to a friends house that offered me a place to rest for the night because I was becoming unstable because I didn't have a bed where they didn't even bother to follow up with my friend and responded to me resisting with non conokiance by becoming aggressive and even dragging me intonthe mearby public transit tracks handcuffed as I was face down first in line to be hit at they laughed claiming I was putting their lives in danger by being difficult when they dragged me into train tracks and then stood back and laughed at me as they took their time where in duress realizing I was with people who didn't care for my saftey and well being I responded with hitting my head in the cop car as protest where they were pulling my hair and oje officer climbed in the car and said he'd kill me himself (likely hoping I would fixate on it so he could claim I was delusial with agreasive paranoia towards police) before they opened the door and left me hanging out for the stretcher refusing to just sit me up or take me to the hospital and get it over with sarcastically joking they needed the stretcher, which is when they organized their plans to tighten ans twist the handcuffs as they released them to cause me pain and force movement they could claim was "resistance" where police accountability of course is protecting themselves and denying any wrong doing even though they can't locate the police report so I can argue the specific statements made in the report...

Serriously... How does someone move on from this? Because it would be so easy to spend 20-40 dollars on some "fentanyl" bag on the street and replace my usual dose I'd rather be a 12 hour oral formulation yet have to rely on a pricey supply that forces me to rake advantage if increased bioavailability from IV ROA to use what would be 1.5x-2x orally. I'm tired of being punished because I was denied opportunity when I should've had the chance and am now blamed for it as if I should've known better then to become indoctrinated and taken advantage of possibilities I wasn't even aware of. I literally can't live like this.
1 Responses
20803600 tn?1546262537
COMMUNITY LEADER
Please don’t take this the wrong way- It’s not intended to offend or dismiss the myriad of issues you addressed in your post, most of which probably should be addressed with several different doctors and therapists, and a doctor who specializes in addiction and treatment.
I think it’s likely that you could use some inpatient help to detox off the heroin and other drugs , and get you medically stabilized first, and get you some mental health assessments to sort out the various family and behavior issues you addressed in your post.
Once those are done and under proper care/medications and regular treatment/therapy is established, then you might be able to better assess the concerns about pain management and whether you need it or not.
You have a LOT of issues in many areas of your life, all crashing around you, complicating and compounding each one.

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