Just venting

[Sarajmt]

For the past few weeks, my pain levels have been steadily rising.  I am fairly certain that I've been having partial intestinal blockage off and on.  The severe pain and nausea with vomiting are a pretty good clue!  Some days, the pain meds work OK.  Other days, I may as well be taking baby aspirin.  

This has really taken a toll both mentally and physically.  When the pain starts, solid foods are off the table.  Except chocolate.  Must have chocolate!!  So I'm getting physically weaker and weaker.  I have a tendency towards anemia anyway.  Red meat was prescribed by my doctor a long time ago.  Iron horse pills constipate me.  Another adhesion patient no no.  And I don't need a lot of red meat to get what I need.

My oldest son Charlie and Mary, my daughter have been actively engaging me in debate on philosophy, religion, politics and anything they can think of.  Just to keep my mind off my depression and pain.  They are SO sweet.  But it's not a fair debate.  The pain has decimated my brain and my son is really into philosophy and psychology in college.  Maybe I'm his guinea pig.  And he's kicking my rear!!! But I don't really mind.

I've barely gotten out of my pajamas except to run my daughter around and grab her some fast food.  Nutritious huh!!  But I always keep a lot of fruit around so she's been eating a lot of that.  My husband and #2 son are out of town.  #2 Lucas is at camp as a counselor this year.  Power trip. So having them gone has made it much easier for me.  But I am in a real funk and I don't see the end of it.  The pain is making the depression worse and depression is making the pain worse.  Vicious circle.

I do go in Monday and I do plan to talk to her about this.  I need another procedure, higher dosages or more pills per day.  Something,  ANYTHING at this point.  If she told me running through town naked with my hair on fire would help, I'd probably do it!!

I just have to hang in until Monday.  I keep saying that.  My mantra. But right now Monday is a long way away and the top of the depression pit is way too high.  What do I do????

[jamlws]

Sara,
I am so sorry your going thru this and I know how depression can make your pain worse. I see it in one of my family members. I really wish I could give you some advice that would keep your mind off everything til monday but we know how hard that is. It is so hard to wait for that day to come til you see your dr. I know I have to wait til July 26th!!!! Not fun at all. Fast food is fine when your not feeling good, heck I did that today with my son. I got him some fast food and me a sweet tea and lunch was taking care of. My mouth is hurting today so I am not eating much at all. My husband is at his 2nd job today so I have to take my son to his ball game at 3. I really love to watch him play and it really does keep my mind off the pain until there is a foul ball and I am so scared it will hit me in the face lol Plus i have to take score so that keeps me so busy.
So what I am sayin try anythign that will keep you busy til Monday. And when you wake up tomorrrow morning you will only have to wait 1 more day to talk to your dr. Kids do have a great way of keeping your mind off things and it seems yours  is doing a great job at that.
Hang in there hun!!
Jamie

[namnam46]

My Dear Friend,

I'm at a loss for words since I read your post this morning!! I can't believe what you have been going thru and haven't had any relief of any kind. (Except of course for eating the CHOCOLATE!!)

I fully understand the depression that you are having as I would think suffering the way that you have it would be impossible NOT to have the depression!! I was wondering whether or not you have ever considered seeing a Pain Psychiatrist to discuss everything that you are having to endure especially since you don't want to have any surgery that could leave adhesion's of any type. I'm with you!! Adhesions are the very worst thing that there is but to have them in the bowels or colon would probably be unbearable!! Jaybay had a very good post about her Pain Psychiatrist.

We have to come up with something that can get you out of your "funk" as you CAN'T continue to let your kids keep "kickin' your rear" in your debates.  OH I KNOW!!! You need to engage them in a debate on CP!!! You'd win hands down, NO questions asked! Yes, that should be your debate this weekend while they are helping you to keep your mind off of your pain.  

LOL - That's a joke if anyone thinks that a debate will keep your mind off of what you are feeling. It would be great if it really worked that way tho.  Perhaps it makes them feel like they are helping you. That's TRUE LOVE!! What a lucky Lady you are, to have 2 teens that are giving of their time to try to help their Mom to feel better instead of ONLY thinking of themselves. What a great job you and your Husband have done in raising those GREAT kids.

I'm really concerned over how weak you are becoming!! You need to try to keep up your strength to be able to undergo any or all procedures that your PM Dr. may suggest to try to give you some long needed relief from your debilitating pain.

If you are having so much trouble eating have you ever considered buying a few jars of Gerber's Baby Food. It's EXTREMELY nutritious and would help keep your energy up when the solid foods are "off the table". I know it's kind of "way out there" but I'm trying to think of something high in vitamins that is VERY easy to eat. After all, as GOOD as Chocolate is, it doesn't help much in contributing to your nutrition!!  :(

I wish that I could wave a "magic wand" and FIX everything that you are suffering from so that you NEVER have to go thru this again.

PLEASE don't hesitate to get help this weekend if the pain gets too much for you to bear. If that happens "forget about your Mantra"!! Go ahead and get some help from the ER.

I'm hoping that you will get some relief this weekend and CAN make it until Monday.  PLEASE be sure to let us know how it goes on Monday at the Dr. Just remember that WE need you and need you to get better as soon as possible.

IF you need ANYTHING this weekend, DON'T hesitate to PM me. You know that I will be here for you. TAKE CARE....Sherry

[melissaky]

I am so sorry to hear you are so down and hurting so much ! ((((BIG HUG)))  !! I  have worn pjs every day this week .My hubby teases me saying do I think I am Hugh Hefner running around in pjs all the time LOL .I am comfortable thats all that matters .My pjs are not as elegant as hughs tho. Unless I missed the memo that flannel kittykat pjs are all the rage this season LOL .I wish I had some inspiring advice to give but I can say we all care about you .Its so great that your children are being so supportive .My son has been awesome since I have been having such a tough row to hoe .I don't know what I would do without him and my darling hubby .I am sure you feel the same about your family.Just hang in there honey .I know it's hard to see but it will get better.The last post I started where I was really down and hurting all you guys came on there and lifted me up .I would like to help lift you up now .If there is anything I can do to help let me know .If you just want someone to talk to or to listen whatever I'll be there if ya need me .I will be praying for you also .Take care and God bless Melissa

[namnam46]

Sara,

I just wanted you to know quickly that I haven't in any way ignored your post, it's just that I can't get the computer away from my Granddaughter long enough to post what I wan t to say.

As soon as I can I will be back on here to post to you. It will be today but maybe not until this evening.

Hang in there. I love you Dear Friend...Sherry

[runitskat]

We all know too well that depression and pain go hand in hand. It's a crummy deal! It's great that you have your kids with you and they are helping you get through this and are there for you. And chocolate is  wonderful medicine! It always makes me feel better. I keep in near me at all times haha.

I hope you feel better and good luck at your appointment on Monday.

[sandee1818]

I am on my way out the door but wanted to tell you I am thinking about you:)
I know the depression and pain gets to be too much and you find yourself trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel but just believe that tomorrow will be a new day and a better one.
I am off to see my Son, he is doing better thank God! I will tell you I do not know what I would do without Him:)